Miss Swan
by JustYourAverageKilljoy
Summary: Emma doesn't know what to do when she begins falling for her best friends coworker. After all, she knew better than to develop silly "one-sided" crushes.
1. Chapter 1

Emma sighed as she climbed out of her bug, the door creaking as she went. She slammed it shut, paper bag in hand, two coffees stacked on one another. It was early in the morning, too early. Emma's sunglasses did little to help the stinging in her eyes.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret chirped from her desk as she walked into the small classroom, feeling enormous next to the tiny desks scattered in neat rows across the room.

"Hey" she said as she walked over to her, pulling up a chair, "I didn't know what you wanted so…"

"There's no apple is there? You know how I feel about apples"

"Don't worry" Emma shrugged as she sat down handing the teacher her coffee and setting the bag on her desk. "Where are the kids?"

"Class doesn't start for another thirty minutes, Emma" Mary Margaret said as she sipped her coffee. "So, what have you been up to this fine morning?"

"Oh you know, the usual"

"Chasing deadbeats and making fun of Graham?"

"Yup" she said softly. The school was relatively big for such a small town. An elementary school, preschool, and high school all wrapped up in one. They chatted for a few minutes, until children started piling in and Mary Margaret's sweet teacher voice kicked in.

"Okay, class. Take out your drawings so we can start sharing!" She said with way too much enthusiasm. Emma had moved to the back of the room, reading a book about a cursed town full of fairy tale characters. About halfway through the class there was a knock at the door. Mary Margaret went and opened it, Emma didn't look up but her heart began to hammer in her chest with the thick accent that met her ears.

"Mrs. Nolan, forgive me for interrupting" the man said, "I seem to have run into a problem." Mary Margaret turned to her class to shush them. They'd become a little rambunctious now that her back was turned.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Well, I need to go take care of something. I need someone to watch my class"

"I would but…" Mary Margaret gestured, "Can you find anyone else?" She sighed, guessing he shook his head. "Alright, I can. Uh. Emma" Emma looked up, raising her eyebrows. The man had gone, yelling it'll only take a second and a million thank yous.

"What?"

"Will you…"

"Uhhh" Emma stood, walking up to her, her eyes wide. "I…"

"Please?"

"Can't you just merge the class for now?"

"Yeah, put a bunch of teenagers in a room full of six year olds. Come on."

"Mrs. Nolan!" Three students later and Emma was ushered out the door, handed a sticky note with the room number.

" _Great_ " Emma said, she should have just stayed in bed. She walked down the long hallway to the high school section. She watched as the artwork on the walls went from little hand finger paintings to impressive clay sculptures and paintings. Room 421. She stopped in front of the door, and then opened it, taking a deep breath. She was hit in the face with a paper ball.

"Uh...guys" she went to the front of the room, it smelled like body odor and too much perfume. The young adults were wreaking havoc on the large room. And not listening at all. "Guys!" She said a little louder, uncomfortable because she had no idea how to teach a class. She was frustrated now, shouting. "HEY!" She picked up a large book and let it drop on the desk beside her. A loud bang sounded and the rooms' destructive nature died. "Your teacher will be back soon" she said.

"Who are you?" A boy said, his red hat too large for his head.

"Yeah, where's Mr.-"

"My name is Emma" She said, "I don't know where your teacher ran off too. So, I don't know...read?" She shoved her hands in the pockets of her red leather jacket. They all started to shout at her and she lost all control.

"SHUT UP!" She shrieked.

"Rude" A teenage girl yelled from the back of the classroom, "You shouldn't scream at children like that"

"Well, it's a good thing you're not children. Look, I don't want to be here, neither do you. Do whatever you're supposed to do" it was quiet for a little while and she cursed Mary Margaret for making her do this. She looked around the room, paintings of famous authors all over the room, William Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe. She was guessing this was an English class. She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she sat in an abandoned chair. After a few minutes the door opened. Right when the class got out of control again, this time she let it go, wasn't her problem.

"Where's Mrs. Nolan?" He asked as he walked in, ignoring the chaos. Emma rubbed her temples as she stood.  
"She couldn't leave her class so, sh-" her words caught in her throat, the man staring back at her, had the bluest eyes she'd ever seen and he was stunning. "She sent me"

"And you are?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Emma" she said.

"She's mean!" Red hat boy shouted, "Never leave us again"

" _Quiet!_ " He shouted over the chaos and faced the class, "You know what you're supposed to be doing, get your Dystopia papers out and work!" Loud groans resounded throughout the room. He sighed, "Sorry, not the best class"

"It's fine" it wasn't.

"How can I repay you?" There was a flirtatious spark in his eyes.

"You tell me your name"

"Killian Jones" he said, "I do apologize for making you do this. You don't look like someone who can handle this sort of thing"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not used to being around children"

"Oh, just go back to teaching your English class." She said

"Film and Literature, thank you very much"

"Whatever, same thing"

"It is most certainly not."

"Okay, whatever you say, _Mr. Jones_ " She said it a little too playfully, but paid it no mind as she ducked out the door, hoping to never have to do that again. She walked back to Mary Margaret's class and sat at the back of the room. When the period ended, she went up to her.

"How was it?" She asked

"How do you think it was?" Emma asked, "Hell"

"Aw, poor Emma" she cooed as she sat next to her. "It couldn't have been that bad. They're good kids."

"They're demons" Emma picked up her book and started to read as more kids piled inside.

A/N: I don't know where this random story came from.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few weeks she couldn't get those eyes out of her head. The way he looked at her, sent butterflies free in her stomach, goosebumps on her skin. She distracted herself for as long as she could. Always finding her mind drifting back to him despite her efforts.

"Tell me again why we're here?" Emma asked as Mary Margaret mounted the steps of the large library/bookstore entrance. She sighed as she turned to her blonde friend.

"My son likes it when I read to him" she said, "Okay?"

"Alright" Emma said, "He's one"

"Two, Emma."

"Right" she said making a mental note to do better at remembering the kids age. She was never good with children. Mary Margaret smiled at her as she opened the door and stepped inside. Emma followed, reluctantly.

"I always hated the smell of libraries" she said as she wrinkled her nose, the smell of dust and old must slamming her nostrils. Mary Margaret shushed her as she headed for the toddler section. Emma didn't follow, kept walking along the shelves. She reached an area where the books began to look significantly older, more worn. She skimmed over them with her fingers, grazing the binding, reading the names in her head. _Shakespeare, poe, Twain._ Her hand stopped on The Great Gatsby and she started to pull it out, Mary Margaret read this in high school, Emma never got the chance to. Considering her foster families really didn't bother getting her enrolled in any schools and she was never around long enough for it to matter. She opened it, the book making a weird noise as she did. She ran her hand over the first page, reading a little and then jumping at the sudden voice in her ear.

"A riveting tale, love, good choice."

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed, snapping it shut as she jumped, she was shushed by him.

"Library, love" he said softly.

"Forgive me" she said through clenched teeth, "You kind of came out of nowhere." Killian smirked as he stepped up on the step ladder, she pretended not to notice how his shirt lifted just a small bit, exposing the tiniest sliver of abs. He had an arm full of books, placing each one in their rightful place. He stepped back down. One still in his hand.

"My apologies" he said

"So...what, what are you doing here?"

"I work here"

"What?"

"On the weekends, sometimes during the week." He said, "Belle needs the extra help, I offered." She knew she shouldn't, but she felt a tinge of jealousy, a hint, burning a hole in her stomach. She shifted, clutching the book to her chest.

"Is she like...your girlfriend?" She asked slowly, he smiled brightly, creeping on his face slowly as he looked down at his shoes and then back up at her.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Emma?"

"Oh please." She scoffed

"She's recently widowed, love" he said, that didn't answer her question. "No, I am not dating her. I have no desire. She is merely a friend." Emma felt unbelievably stupid for even thinking it. Asking it. "Besides, I have someone else in my sights"

"And who might that be?" She flirted back, rocking on her heels. She needed to stop, she's treading dangerous waters.

"I think you know" he whispered, biting his lip. She wanted to throw him up against this bookshelf and have him right there, but restraint is something she learned to wield well a long time ago. She sighed, sliding the book back in it's place and started to walk away.

"If it's reading material you're looking for, I have just the thing" he said suddenly, thrusting a book in her hand. The title was _Emma_. She arched a brow at him.

"It's a beautiful story." He says with a wink, "A tale of romance and dramatic twists."

"I'm not the sappy romantic novel type of girl"

"I see that" he says, "Just read it. Jane Austen is a phenomenal writer, the words she pens, _breathtaking_." Something about the way he said "breathtaking" made her knees get weak and her brain turn to mush. She whispered a thank you.

"No problem, love" he said, "Do return it to me when you're finished though." He tapped it, "Just take it, I already bought it, call me once you start it, we can discuss it." He turned away from her, walking off and she nearly chased him, he didn't give her his number. Something told her then, she opened the book, there on the inside of it, scribbled in beautiful penmanship, his freaking number.  
"You sneaky bastard." Emma said, smiling all the while. Mary Margaret stepped in, a bag in her hand. She cleared her throat.

"Ready?" She asked and Emma snapped the book shut and nodded, the smile she wore being erased.

* * *

She spent two days barricaded in her room in her extremely small apartment, reading this damn book. Really she was just trying to stall so she didn't have to call him, a distraction from the need to hear his stupid voice. She was about halfway through it, despite it not being entirely too big, reading a book written in the early 1800's proved to be a challenge. She looked at her phone.

"No, Swan." She told herself but her heart jumped and her hand was no longer her own. She flipped to the front of the book and dialed his stupid number. She thought he wouldn't answer. When he did, she did her best to hide the joy in her voice.

"Are you enjoying the book?" He asked, he sounded tired and it was the most god damn sexiest thing she ever heard.

"It's a little slow" she said biting her lip.

"Slow?" He said, like he couldn't believe her words, "Slow?! Swan, are you reading it right?"

"Is there a right way to read a book?"

"Swan, you cannot merely skim the words, you must drink them in. You have to lose yourself amongst the pages to truly understand the message."

"How _poetic_."

"Come to me" he said

"Excuse me?" She asked, sitting up, "No dinner first?"

"I want to show you. I'm in my classroom, surely you remember where it is" and with that he hung up. Her heart sped up stupidly fast. It's not a date. _What are you doing, Emma? You're setting yourself up to get hurt._

She got up, throwing her jacket on, grabbing the book and her car keys and basically running out the door.

* * *

The whole drive her mind fought with her, thoughts running rampant. What the hell is she doing? She's just going to get her heart broken. Just like last time, just like every time. She still found herself driving to that damn school, looking in the rear-view to see if she looked okay. She looked decent. A little messy. She was suddenly insecure, constantly reminding herself he wouldn't care how she looked because, Jesus Christ it wasn't a date. She pulled into the parking lot, only three other cars in the driveway because it was five in the evening and school had been out of session for a few hours. She exhaled deeply, got out of her car and entered on the high school side. She found his room instantly, one of the first doors by the entrance. The door was cracked, light pouring into the dark hallway. She almost turned and left, the urge to run heavy in her gut. _Run before you get in too deep._ She was already in deep, treading water dangerously as she said before. She knocked on the door and he looked up, motioning for her to enter. He was wearing a white dress shirt and a black tie, dress pants.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come" he said with a smirk, "Come, come, I won't bite" she entered slowly, he pulled an office chair from the row of computers lining the wall beside his desk. She sat down, right next to him.

"Uh…"

"Hush" he silenced her, "Did you bring the book?"

"Yeah" She breathed and he held his hand out for it. She placed it in his hand, her fingers lightly brushing over his. She quickly withdrew. Pretending she didn't feel the spark of electricity shuddering through her body. He smiled at her. He moved the stack of papers he was grading aside and leaned back in his chair.

"Get comfortable" he said softly, "Where did you leave off?'

"A-"

"Don't speak, show me" she hesitantly leaned in and glided her finger across the page, pointing to the exact location she left off. He smiled. "Perfect" he breathed.

"W-"

"Ssssh. Don't talk. Just listen" he whispered and then he began to read to her, soft, slow, beautifully. He spoke the words as though he was from that time, no stumbling, no confusion. She leaned back in her chair, listening, hanging onto every word. He read to her until the sky was black and then they talked, discussed, he asked her questions and expected to be answered.

"Are you quizzing me?" She asked a laugh tickling her throat.

"I might be" he answered, tilting his head. "Tell me, did you understand the message? Did the words speak to you?" She smiled and nodded, the words on her lips. _I understand you turned me on without so much as a touch._ She didn't dare say it.

"Misconstrued love" she whispered, "Very beautiful"

"Now, you can finish the rest on your own, and if you have trouble understanding. Give me a call" he winked. What did she do? Did she leave now? Was it over?  
"And if I don't have trouble?"

"Call me" he said, a smirk on his lips, "I've grown quite fond of your voice." She sighed. He grabbed the papers again and picked up his red pen.

"What made you want to be a teacher?" She asked suddenly, still dazed from that reading session.

"Hm." He leaned back, "You know no one's really asked me that."

"Really?"  
"I guess, what really drove me to want to teach was...my mother. She was always reading to my brother and I. When she died, I told myself, I'm going to teach people to appreciate literature the way she did."

"That's heartwarming" Emma said softly, "Really glad you had a mother who cared that much, I'm sorry she died."

"Things happen" he shrugged, but the pain was there, evident in his bright blue eyes. "Tell me about you"

"Me?"

"Yes, you, is there anyone else?" He asked, crossing his legs in his chair. She sighed, there was so much to tell and none of it was happy.

"I grew up in the foster system. I never knew my parents" she spoke softly, for some reason, opening up came so easy with him.

"The foster system. I've had my fair share of that"

"Have you?"

"Yes, after my mother died, my father left us. We were thrown in a broken system."  
"It is broken" she whispered, so broken. He smiled, beaming, lighting the mood as he reached for one of the other papers and grabbed a pen.

"Here, help me grade, I'll never leave if you don't"

"I don't kno-"

"Save me, Swan, I'm drowning" He said lifting the stack of reports and slamming them back on his desk. She laughed.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaww


	3. Chapter 3

She sighed as she pulled her hair up, Mary Margaret's loft was small but she was kind enough to allow Emma to stay when she needed. Emma looked in the small mirror as she pulled on her jacket and crept down the stairs.

"Emma, you don't have to shut yourself away when you stay here. We like you" Mary Margaret smiled from the kitchen counter, she stirred her drink. Emma just smiled.  
"I know" she said as she grabbed her keys. The little blonde boy in his seat at the table smiled at her, holding his small arms out.

"Em!" He said, he wanted her to pick her up, "Em, up!" She forced a smile as she lifted the little tyke and held him.  
"He likes you"

"I noticed" she said as the little boy reached for her pony tail. "But I have to go"

"Noooo" he whined, he only knew how to say a few words and no was very frequent in his small vocabulary.

"Kid, don't do this to me" she set him down, he sat on the floor.

"Emma, you don't have to leave so soon" it was early in the morning, probably five and Emma noticed she wasn't sporting her _mom pajamas_ this morning.

"Where are you going, I thought the elementary students had the day off?"

"They do, but I'm substituting for a class today. So" she shrugged. There was a knock on the door and David opened it, coming out of nowhere.  
"Killian, hey, she's over there" He said with a smile. He walked in quickly, a binder in hand and a folder.  
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Nolan. This is short notice"

"No, it's fine" she waved him off. He didn't even realize Emma was there until tiny little Josh called out for her.

"Em!" He shrieked, "No"

"No what?" Emma asked as she knelt, "You have to be specific"

"No"  
"No you don't want me to stay?"

"Nooo" she laughed, he's cute. But she didn't like children all that much. She still picked him up, handing him off to David. "Okay, I'm out"

"Have fun" Mary Margaret said, not enough sincerity behind her words. Emma sighed, turning on her heels.

"Hello, Swan" Killian chimed in as he opened the binder

"Hey" she said, all enthusiasm drained from her voice.

"So bitter this morning" he commented and then began to speak quietly to Mary Margaret.

"Will you at least stay for some coffee?" She asked, her mom voice kicking in and Emma sighed again as she walked towards the kitchen.  
"Alright but Graham alread-"

"Just sit" she pushed Emma into the chair next to Killian and handed her a steaming cup of coffee, "I hate to see you leave here without something in your stomach"

"Fiiiine. Just stop using your mom voice on me" she was silent after that, watching as Mary Margaret talked to Killian.

"Alright so, what exactly am I looking at?"

"Don't worry, teenagers are basically giant six year olds. Now first and second period is my CP English 11 class. They are to work on their character analysis essay, that's it, they can use the book and that's _all_ " he said, "if anyone asks to get on the computer, say no."

"Got it"

"Third is my Film and Literature level one class. Hand out this worksheet and then pop in this movie, they are to analyze the angles and lighting, pause it every ten minutes to allow them to write. Allow no more than ten minutes to write, whatever they have goes." He said as he handed her the material from the folder, "Fourth and sixth is English 12, they're reading this, and are to answer these response questions. And eighth period is my Utopian and Dystopian society class. They have a paper due by the end of that class. I'm talking, printed out and on my desk before the final bell rings. Seventh is Film and Literature level 2. They're working on scripts and storyboards."

"So, I was right" Emma said, "You're totally an English teacher"

"Yes, but only part of the time" he smiled, "Mary Margaret, good luck. The instructions are written out should you need them. I must be off"

"Have a safe trip" she said as she beamed, he got up, said a thank you and was out the door as quickly as he entered.

"Where's he going?" Emma asked.

"England"

"England?"

"For a few days, it's Friday, he'll be back by Monday." She said as she flipped through the pages he left for her.

"Why?" Emma couldn't help that she was curious.

"Something with his brother in law, I'm not really sure. He didn't say much, just that he needed to leave quickly."

"Which is why he came to you"

"He couldn't find anyone else who was free enough to do it." She shrugged, "I don't mind."

"Good luck"

" I just wish I had someone there who could keep me company" she gave a sad and heavy sigh, "All alone in a room full of teenagers…"

"Don't you dare"

"It'll be so lonely"

"Mary Margaret, no."

* * *

The class was empty and would be for a few more minutes. Emma walked around looking at the posters along the room, Hamlet being the only book on the large bookshelf in the back. A ton of the same copy on the shelves. Must've been for a class. Mary Margaret sat at his desk, getting things ready for when the adolescents come piling in.

"You're nervous for no reason"

"Thanks" Mary Margaret said softly, "I feel better"

"You're a great teacher"

"For little children"

"Mary Margaret" she said as she walked over, "Josh will be a teenager before you know it, think of this as practice."

"Yeah" she breathed as she sat back down, Emma sat next to her, thinking about that night when he read to her. Mary Margaret hit her knee off the desk and something fell out.  
"Hey would you look at that" she picked the book up, "Emma. It's a book called _Emma!_ " She smiled, "He likes you"

"You got that from a book?"

"Because it's your book" She tapped it, a sticky note stuck to it, scribbled in gorgeous scripture, _Return to Emma S._ On it's cover. "And the way he kept stealing glances your way while you were holding my kid"

"Shut up"

"No, you should ask him out"

"Why me?"

"Because, he likes you" she said with a soft smile

"Then he can do it"

"You like him" she said as she set the book aside, Emma scoffed.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, he has your book, you were flirting with him in the library a few weeks ago, do _not_ try to deny it I saw you, and you said why me? Instead of no way, Like you usually do when I suggest these things" she had a freaking point.  
"It's merely a crush. He doesn't like me" she said softly, "besides, he's not gonna stick around with all my emotional baggage"

"I think he has just as much baggage, Emma." And just like that the conversation was over. The kids piled in, chatting up a storm, flowing to their seats like routine. As soon as Mary Margaret got up front they threw questions at her like she had the answer to the universe.

 _Where's Mr. Jones? Why are you here? He usually tells us he won't be here, did something happen? Why is Emma here? She's mean._ Emma sighed giving her friend a tiny smiled as she grabbed her book and started reading. Graham would wonder where she was, considering she should have been at the station by now.

* * *

He called her Saturday night, while she lay in bed, she usually didn't got to bed before eleven but tonight she was especially tired and as the clock hit eleven thirty she was almost falling asleep in her takeout. So, when her phone sprang to life she groaned and grabbed it, pressing the green button without even seeing who it was.

"Hello?" She said, her voice hoarse with sleep, raspy.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about what time it is over there" Killian said softly, an odd tone taking over his usually soothing voice. Something was off, she sat up.  
"It's okay" she whispered, "I wasn't sleeping much anyways" she ran a hand through her hair and got chills when she heard his half forced, half genuine laugh through the speaker.  
"Judging by your voice, I say that's a lie" he sounded upset, sad and she wanted to ask why but she barely knew him. Why did he even call her?

"Killian…" she whispered his name, hoping the question on her tongue would seep through her voice and he'd say something. "Why did you-"

"I needed...I don't know," he breathed a heavy sigh and she heard him move, "for some reason you were the voice I wanted to hear." She thought back to the conversation she had with Mary Margaret while they sat in his classroom about how he liked her and she liked him, what if she was right? Emma shook her head away from that, there was no way he could like her. Not like that. Besides, she didn't do relationships, they were messy and she always ended up broken, scared, and alone. He'd leave her as soon as he got sick of her and then he'll be onto the next girl. She doesn't matter, she never mattered.

"Swan" his voice cut through her thoughts, soft, sweet and unbelievably sad.

"I'm still here"

"Okay" it was the softest okay she ever heard. "Um. How was my students, did Mary Margaret tell you? I'd like to know they behaved, were they worried, I never miss school without giving them notice"

"They were fine, they behaved well enough, but yes they were worried." _I am too._ She didn't dare say that out loud. "Killian...what's going on?" she asked softly, hoping her heard the, _you don't have to tell me_ , in her voice. He sighed again, a shaky one, one that made her heart break a little.  
"In time you will know but right now…"

"Okay"

"Right now I need to…"

"Okay" she whispered, "You want to know what I did today?" She asked as she lay back, she heard him chuckle, a genuine one, it wasn't forced.

"I'd like that, Swan." He said softly, taking on a happier tone. She told him how hot coffee got all over Graham because she pulled out of someone's driveway so fast, drifted and nearly tipped the car. They were chasing someone, a man named Will, he robbed a pawnshop down the road.

"Did you catch him?"

"Yes, we did" she said, "He's in jail right now"

"Good work, Deputy" he whispered, "Swan I do enjoy talking to you. I'd ask if you read more of the book I gave you, but you so carelessly left it in my classroom"

"Sorry, I don't think I can finish it on my own, not after hearing you so easily read it to me."

"Is that so?" He said, "shall we make a habit of it?"

"You could read me to sleep" she said it without meaning too, flying out of her mouth without warning and she mentally kicked herself for it. "I didn-"

"Swan, it's alright" he said with a laugh, "I'd be lying if I say I don't find having you curl up next to me while you doze off, appealing." She was quiet after that. Not really sure what to say, she was just happy she could make him laugh. They listened to each other for awhile, listening to the soft sighs and steady breathing until she finally broke the comfortable silence.

"I should go" she said softly, "It's late"

"Goodnight, Swan" he whispered and then the line went dead and she fell asleep.

* * *

He didn't come back until Wednesday and didn't call her again after that night. Which lead her to worry, but he was okay. Stopping in his classroom while Mary Margaret gathered her things.

"Hello" he said, tired as hell, "how were they?"

"Uh, good. Abigail needs some extra help on her script, I had no idea what the hell I was looking at so I told her to wait until you got back."

"That's fine." he said as he ran his hands together, "You only had to substitute until Monday"

"I know, but I figured it would be easier if I just stayed, since, I already knew how to work everything. I didn't think rotating subs was a good idea."

"Thank you very much" he said, "it won't happen again"

"It's really alright, things happen"

"Yeah" he whispered and her stomach did a little flip.  
"What happened?" He looked like a complete wreck. He gave a tiny smile as he reached for the stack of papers on his desk.

"I don't feel much like talking about it. Have a nice night" he left without another word and Mary Margaret was the one to turn the lights out and close the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Emma flipped through a file at her desk and nearly fell out of her chair when her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. Graham gave her a weird look as he turned in his chair. She sighed and answered it.

"Emmmaaa" Ruby whined in her ear. Emma got up and went out in the hall.

"Ruby what is it?"

"I left my essay at someones house"

"Okay?" Emma questioned, "Go get it?"

"Granny won't let me leave the diner and I need it"

"Where is it?" Emma sighed and went to back inside, she grabbed her keys and gave Graham an apologetic look as she walked out the door. Ruby whispered an address to her. Her car was parked outside, soaked by the rain in all it's dented glory. The door creaked as she opened it, Mary Margaret always said she needed a new one but she liked her car. She drove, squinting as the rain pounded her windshield. The house was large, an old colonial on the outskirts of town. She sighed as she walked the long stone trail up to the door and knocked. A woman, beautiful, hair so blonde it glowed, a single braid draping over her shoulder and down her front, she wore a short blue dress, matching her blue eyes.

"Oh, hello" she said as she smiled.

"A friend of mine left her essay here c-"

"Come in, get out of the rain" she said as she waved her hand, wedding ring sparkling in what little sunshine broke through the heavy rain clouds. Emma smiled awkwardly as she walked in. "My name is Elsa" she said, speaking softly as her heels clacked against the hardwood floors.

"Emma"

"Lovely name" she smiled, "Killian!" She called, "There's someone here for you!" There was a loud noise after that, a crash, and a bouncy woman in pigtails ran out of the dining room.

"I told him not to touch anything" She said and then smiled, "I'd love to chatter your ear off but my fiance broke something" and with that she left as quickly as she came, bare feet running up the creaking staircase.

"That was my sister Anna" Elsa said, shaking her head. Emma was busy looking around, the house was definitely old, the wallpaper was peeling off the walls, some of the floorboards were scratched and creaking. "I don't know what he's doing but he should be down soon. Big house"

"You're telling me" Emma said softly, "I can come back later"

"No" Killian said walking out of the dining room, drink in hand, he waved her over. "Stay, I'm lonely"

"Oh please" Elsa said, hand on her hip, "in a house full of people"

"Go find out what the children _broke_ , love" he sipped his drink as she turned away and descended the steps. Emma sighed.

"Quite the house for a teachers salary"

"Got it for a steal" he said with a shrug, "Have to fix it up a bit and it'll be good as new"

"Right"

"What are you here for?" He asked as he walked away, back into the dining room, he motioned for her to follow and she did.

"Ruby said she left her essay here"

"That she did"

"I need to take it to her"

"Of course" he said, "I actually just finished it" he dug a paper out of his bag, pulling it from the mennella folder he had it tucked in. He handed it over, "Be sure to tell her to work on her mechanics"

"Yeah" Emma took it and then turned to leave, feeling oddly uncomfortable, something was off about him. It wasn't her business. For whatever reason she kept thinking about Elsa's wedding ring, and found herself checking his finger for one.  
"Elsa is not my wife" he said it softly, "in case you were wondering."

"I...wasn't"

"She was my brothers wife" _was._ He sighed

"Was?" Emma questioned softly, if it were a divorce she wouldn't still be wearing it.

"Come sit with me" he smiled at her, his words were soft and sad and Emma couldn't say no, there was so much pain in his eyes. He lead her into the living room, walls were a pale blue that reminded her of his eyes, leather sofa, red wood coffee table. It was huge, he almost didn't have enough furniture to fit in it. There was a fireplace, lit and warm. She sat next to him, clutching Ruby's essay to her chest.

"So, how was England?" She asked

"Cold" she couldn't tell if he was talking metaphorically or literally about the weather. "Remember that brother I told you about?"

"Yes"

"He's dead" Killian breathed bringing his drink to his lips. Which she smelled now, he was drinking hard liquor. "Car accident, I suppose, buried him the day after."

"I'm sorry…"

"I couldn't leave them there in that house with all of his belongings. It took a lot of convincing for Elsa to agree to coming down here"

"She looks so…"

"Happy, it's a brave face for Anna, if she crumbles, Anna follows suit."

"I'm so sorry"

"I'll be alright" he said softly and then set his drink on the coffee table, "don't you worry" an echo of footsteps and whispers sounded off the walls.

"Kris, you can't just pick something up" Elsa scolded, "This isn't our house"

"Sorry, mom" A man said as they walked through the archway connected to the dining room, "I was curious"

"Elsa, he didn't mean too" Anna countered as she grabbed his hand.

"What did he break?" Killian asked

"Glass carousel, the one with the blue unicorns" Elsa said softly. Killian put his hands over his eyes, a heavy sigh coming from his lips.

"Alright, it's alright" he breathed, "Just clean it up" it wasn't alright, but he didn't yell, didn't scold, they were young, probably had never been in a house with so many antiques.

"Killian" Elsa said softly

"It's alright"

"I'm sorry" Kris said as he stood from the chair beside them, removing Anna from his arm.

"Clean it up, please" off they went.

"Killian, I'm so sorry, I should hav-"

"No, it's okay" he insisted, running a hand through his hair. Emma didn't know what to do, never had been very good at comforting people when they were hurting. Maybe it's because no one ever did it for her.

"I'll find a new one, a better one" Elsa said softly.

"You can't. It was my mother's" he said, equally as soft. Still he didn't yell, didn't scream. Elsa's face went white, and she got this look on her face, like something inside her shattered.

"I'm sorry" she said it again, "Oh god, please don't be mad at them. It was my fault, I sho-"

"Elsa."

"I should go" Emma stood, touching Elsa's shoulder gently and then running out the door as fast as she could. He called for her.

* * *

The second the door was slammed shut and he heard the car start, Elsa's eyes filled with tears and he was off the couch in a millisecond. She broke, she hadn't cried yet, not really. The past few days she was in shock and hadn't fully processed what happened. He was buried so fast, Killian found himself having to remind him Liam was gone too.

"This was a mistake" she cried, her hands covering her eyes as he took her in, a small embrace, rubbing her back gently.

"No" he whispered, "It's not"

"Why did Liam have to get in that damn car?" She cried in his chest her braid loose, her eyes wet. He stroked her hair, soothed, tried to ease the heartache they both felt. And then they heard footsteps, Anna came in a tiny infant wrapped in a fluffy pink blanket in her arms. Elsa tore herself away, wiping quickly at her eyes, she cleared her throat, gained her composure, straightened herself out. Killian wished he could do the same, gather himself and look like he wasn't falling apart.

"Elsa" Anna said softly, "She woke up, I think she's hungry"

"Give her here" Elsa whispered, gathering the little girl in her arms, "Kris go get a bottle from the fridge and heat it up, please" she said softly, "Hello, Lydia." She cooed, a small smile on her lips.

"Mary Margaret said she'll drop Stella off soon" Anna whispered, she looked at Killian, worry in her eyes. "Should I call and…"

"No, she's alright, her and Josh should be hitting it off" Elsa smiled, "She needs to make friends."

* * *

Emma quickly gave Ruby her essay, she was very pleased to see there weren't a lot of red marks and then she headed straight for Mary Margaret's. The door opened and David gestured her to come in, a greeting on his lips.

"Hey Emma, how are you today?" He asked as she brushed past him.

"Good" She said quickly, Mary Margaret rounded the corner, Josh in her arms, keys in hand, another child following her. "Wow didn't know you had another one"

"She's not mine" Mary Margaret laughed, "She's Killians niece"

"His niece?"  
"Brothers daughter. I was actually about to take her home, if you'd like to-"

"No, I was just there"

"Were you?" David gave a knowing smirk, "Why?"

"Not the reason you're thinking" Emma folded her arms over her chest, "You should probably wait. It got a little tense"

"Oh no, what happened?" Mary Margaret set Josh down and he wobbled over to the little girl who now sat on the couch, her feet dangling, she reached for him, small hands grasping at even smaller hands. Now she saw it, the resemblance was there, her dark brown curls were down around her shoulders and she had his blue eyes, must run in the family.

"Someone broke something and it...it struck a cord. Got out of there before the yelling could start"

"Killian doesn't yell"

"They broke something of his mother's" Emma said softly. "And he's been drinking"

"Oh" Mary Margaret nodded, "Well, I'm sure she'll be fine staying here a bit longer. Right Stella?"

"Okay" The little girl said softly. Her fingers combing gently through the tiny boys blonde hair. "I like it here"

"Good" Mary Margaret said sweetly. Emma sat with Mary Margaret on the couch hours later, the kids in Josh's room playing, she could hear the little giggles and feet running around the carpeted floor of the nursery.

"Such a lovely sound" Mary Margaret mused, feet tucked under her on the couch, hands cupping a steaming mug. "Don't you just love it?"

"It's...okay"

"You've never thought about little feet running around your home?" Mary Margaret asked, "Waking to a small human in your arms?"

"Not really"

"So, you've thought about it."

"I'm not mother material"

"You could be" She said softly. Emma sighed, giving her a look that said, let's not talk about this. Mary Margaret straightened. She sipped her hot cocoa.

"I can't be a mother" Emma whispered and that was that. Mary Margaret didn't pester any further, she knew very little about Emma's life before Storybrooke Main, but she knew about the baby she gave up. Emma didn't mention the fact she was handcuffed to a hospital bed, the father was gone, and she had literally no one. At least some held Mary Margaret's hand while an infant tore her body apart, Emma didn't get that luxury, but Mary Margaret didn't know that part of the story. And Emma doubted she'd ever tell her.

"So, did Killian tell you about Liam?"

"Just that he died"

"He was such a kind man, I got to meet him once a few years ago. He visited Killian, one of the few times he could manage it."

"Hm" Emma nodded, she wasn't interested, wasn't her business.

"Where can I go to buy old, useless but priceless things?" She asked suddenly.

"Hmmm, there's a pawnshop down the street from Granny's Diner. Mr. Gold ran it, but his wife runs it part time now" oh that's right, he died from a heart attack a year ago.

"I'll be right back" Emma said jumping up and walking out of the small loft.

* * *

The bell chimed as she walked in, why was she here? Where did she get this stupid idea? He already said it was irreplaceable. What is she doing?

"Hello" Belle's voice came from the back room, "I'll just be a second" she said as she moved something, sounded heavy. Emma looked around, her eyes falling two very creepy dolls on top of a glass display case full of equally creepy things. She wouldn't find it here. She almost left.

"What can I help you with?" The kind woman asked as she walked behind the counter. Her smile could make any bad day better.

"Uh, I don't think I can find what I'm looking for here" Emma said, eyes scanning the room.

"Nonsense. Try me"

"Uh...okay, I'm looking for something entirely made out of glass"

"You'll have to be more specific"

"A carousel?" Emma said softly, Belle nodded as she tilted her head to think. She smiled and motioned for Emma to follow her to the back room. She did, looking around.

"My husband kept fragile things back here, less likely to get broken by careless customers" she explained, she went over to a tall black double door cabinet, she pulled keys from a ring attached to her belt. She swiftly unlocked the doors and peered inside. "Hmmm" she thought rising on her tiptoes. She pulled a medium sized box down from the top shelf and dusted it off with her hand.

"Aha" she said as she opened it, "I knew he had one." She pulled it gently out of the creamy white box and gently took it off the Styrofoam. The little bell attached to the small blue horses chimed as she held it up, light glinting off the glass. "Here it is"

"How much?"

"Hm. It doesn't have a price" She fumbled with the box, "You know what, just take it" she said shrugging as she gently placed it back in it's home. "My treat"

"Are you sure?" it _had_ to be expensive as hell, too expensive to just give away, "Let me give you something"

"No, please. I insist" she placed it in Emma's arms and guided her out of the room, "It was made for you"

"Okay" Emma whispered, it still made her uncomfortable. So when Belle turned her back Emma placed a twenty on the counter and left. She placed it gently in her car and drove home.

* * *

A/N: Wasn't that nice?


	5. Chapter 5

The box sat on her dresser in her room for a week, she just stared at it, never getting the courage to go over there and give it to him. Why did she even purchase it, okay technically she hadn't but that's besides the point. Emma twirled her phone around in her hand, he called that night, apologized for what happened, told her to come visit whenever she liked. Said something about enjoying her company and that was it. They didn't talk for hours like normal, didn't flirt, didn't really talk much about anything. Maybe she was foolish, maybe he didn't like her like that. She didn't even know if she liked him like that.

"Who are you kidding, Swan, of course you do" she said it to herself, staring at the creamy white box on her dresser. Would it be too soon to ask him out? _Treading dangerous waters, Emma_ her mind echoed at her, _he'll just leave you like everyone else._ Her head always did that to her, always made her doubt herself, always kept her from completely opening up to people.

* * *

"Do you think she'll like the school here?" Elsa asked as they walked down the hallway of the large school, "She's so shy"

"She's four" Killian responded as he fumbled with his keys, "Hardly the time to be discussing this"

"She'll need to be enrolled next year"

"Children can change in a year" Elsa said softly, "She's changed more the past week than...she ever has. She's quieter"

"Four is early to be introduced to death" he said, "She doesn't understand where he father has gone and why she's not at home."

"Yeah" Elsa whispered, "So, this is where you spend a majority of your time"

"Yes, with rambunctious teenagers"

"Sounds like quite the party"

"Ha. hardly" he smiled, "All work, very little play"

"Ah, but a little" Elsa smirked, "now, what are we here for?"

"I have to grab something for someone, I seem to keep forgetting it" he said walking over to his desk, overflowing with papers that needed grading. He'd get to it at some point. "That fiancé of Anna's is quite the...catch."

"He's a kind boy and loved her dearly"

"I'm sure"

"He is, you just have to get to know him" Elsa looked around, hand running over the books along the shelves, the posters on the wall, the tripod set up on the back of the room, little colored sticky notes stuck to the different parts, labeled carefully. "Kristoff is certainly better than the last one"

"Hans" Killian said as he opened his drawer, "He was...a piece of work."

"Yes, Liam nearly took his head off when Anna came home with a bruise under her eye."

"He should have"

"Took a lot to talk him down"

"I'm sure it did"

"He had quite the temper, as do all Jones"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly how it sounds" Elsa said matter of factly. "Now, enough about that. This Emma girl, she's into you" Elsa had her hands clasped behind her back, walking around the room slowly.

"What?" He bumped his leg off his desk, it made a loud thud. "What makes you say that?"

"Come on" Elsa raised a pale blonde eyebrow, "It's all over her face. You should ask her out"

"I don-"

"Milah would want you too" she said it softly, bracing herself for the sudden change in atmosphere. He just looked away from her, his hand brushing the book cover, tracing the word on it. _Emma._

"Milahs not here"

"Neither is Liam" She said, "It's been three years, you should try to move on."

"Elsa."

"Killian" she said firmly, "Liam wanted the same, he always worried about you. Don't make him worry in the afterlife." She walked towards the door, "I see you have what you needed, let's go. I'm making dinner and, I love them, but we left Anna and Kris alone in your beautiful home with my children. You know what that is?"

"A recipe for disaster." He grabbed his keys, "I do need to make a stop though."

"Ah, I got through to you"

"No, I have to return her book"

"Mmhm" Elsa walked off, "I'll be in the car."

* * *

Mary Margaret opened her door to see him standing there, book in hand. He smiled at her, she offered her condolences.

"I'm fine" he insisted, "I do need a favor."

"Anything" she said with a smile.

"Will you give this to Emma? I don't know where she lives"

"Give it to her yourself" Mary Margaret said, he thought she was about to slam the door but she moved aside, calling for Emma to come downstairs. She descended the steps, looking mesmerizing in a tight black dress, her hair up, makeup light but still a little edgy.

"Heading out?" Mary Margaret said, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah. Scumbag skipped his court hearing." She said nonchalantly, "Gotta go catch him"

"Oh" Mary Margaret nodded, "Where's your gun?"

"Wouldn't you like to know"

"Swan" Killian cut in, holding the book out to her, "This belongs to you"

"Ah, thank you, Jones" she took it, her fingers ever so slightly touching his hand, electricity. She felt it too, a tiny smile playing at her lips.

"As much as I'd love to look at you more, I must be off. Impatient sister in law and all"

"I'm not impatient" Elsa said from behind him, a large smile on her lips, "Just got off the phone with Anna. Stella has had her bath and is watching a movie with Kris, Lydia is sound asleep in her crib, and the house is not on fire." She said, "Ask her." The words came out from between her teeth, low enough for only him. Emma's phone began to ring and she dug it out of her small handbag.

"Graham, I'm coming" She said quickly and as she listened her face went white. "Shit" she cursed, she hung up, "Move." she brushed passed Killian, gently moved Elsa out of the way and took off running down the hallway, not stumbling in her stilettos. Must've been used to running in them.

"Be careful, Emma!" Mary Margaret yelled after her. She then sighed. "Such a dangerous job. God, I hope she doesn't get herself killed."

"Will she be alright?" Elsa asked, concern lacing her voice. "That sucks. Well you can ask her some other time"

"Ask her what?"

"Oh you know, just a good old fashioned, date" Elsa clapped a hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"Really? That's great"

"She'll say no" He said suddenly, admitting accidently that he wanted to. Mary Margaret laughed at that.

"She really likes you" She said, "You don't have to worry"

"Really?"

"I've been trying to get her to ask you out for weeks." Mary Margaret said with a smile, "Please ask her, she needs something to keep her anchored here. Something other than a housewife/mother/elementary school teacher."

"Does she plan on leaving?"

"She never does. No place has ever felt like home to her" Mary Margaret said softly, "One day she's here, the next she's halfway across the world in search of a home. I'm surprised she's lasted this long."

"You could be her home" Elsa whispered in his ear, he rolled his eyes.

"I'll think about it, but something tells me she's too guarded."

* * *

The next day he sat in his classroom, kids piling in for their afternoon class. He set his book down when the school Principal knocked on the doorframe, she waved him out. He went.

"Killian" she said softly, pity setting in her deep brown eyes, her hair was dark, like her complexion. "I heard about your brother"

"As did everyone" he said.

"You didn't have to come back right away, I would have found someone to fill in. If you need tim-"

"Marian, I assure you, I'm fine. What I need right now, is my work."

"Are you sure you don't want to take a few days o-"

"Positive" he said, "if I don't have this, it'll make the grieving process so much worse. I am fine. You don't need to worry." Marian ran a hand through her hair, he caught sight of her ring finger, the wedding ring that was once there was gone, replaced by a tan line outlining the place the ring used to rest. She sighed.

"Alright, but if you change your mind do not hesitate"

"I won't. Thank you"

"Get to class, Jones" she said with a soft smile. He nodded and went back in his classroom.

* * *

Mary Margaret sighed as she bit into her french fries, Emma watched her intently, trying to get a grip on the wheels turning in her motherly friends head. She raised an eyebrow at her.

"What?" Mary Margaret asked, "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Yes"

"Alright, what's wrong?"

"Just wondering when you were planning on telling me"

"Telling you what?"

"You're pregnant" Emma said as she picked up a french fry and bit into it.

"I am not!" Mary Margaret exclaimed, Emma looked at her like she was insane and she shifted, "It's early, okay, I didn't want to tell anyone yet?"

"How far?"

"Five weeks"

"You've been keeping it a secret for five weeks?!" Emma nearly screamed it, "You are a jerk. I'd tell you as soon as I found out."

"Would you?"

"Yes"

"Promise?"

"Promise what?"

"You'll tell me when it happens" Mary Margaret said softly, picking at her french fries, a hopeful look on her face. Emma straightened.

"I don't plan on it ever happening...again"

"Emma"

"No, I don't want to have this conversation" Emma said firmly, "You are a natural born mother, and I am beyond happy for you, however, motherhood is not for me."

"You never want children"

"No"

"You might want to tell Killian that"

"There's nothing going on, so why would he need to know?" Emma asked as she grabbed her hot cocoa and sipped. Mary Margaret tilted her head, pulling out her mom face.

"I see how he looks at you and how you look at him, last night when he saw you in that dress, there were sparks"

"Sparks?"

"Sparks" Mary Margaret sighed, "Instant, he's hooked on you, it's plain to see"  
"Look, I don't have to tell him I don't want kids because we're _not dating_ "

"Not yet."

"Not ever."

"Oh come on," Mary Margaret said, "You're telling me if he walked in here right now and asked you out with those gorgeous baby blues, you would say no?"

"Probably. I don't know."

"Well, that's not a definitive answer." Mary Margaret said, "Yes or no, right now."

"No"

"No what?"

"I would say no."

" _Liar_!" She nearly shouted, she folded her arms over her chest. "You would accept and you know it"

"Maybe"

"Now it's a maybe?"  
"I mean...wouldn't mind taking him home." Emma said with a shrug, sipping her hot beverage.

"I second that." Ruby said as she washed the table behind them. Mary Margaret gaped.

"No, Emma Swan!" She scolded, "Killian Jones is not one night stand material!"  
"What makes you say that?"

"He's...just not."

"You're hiding something"

"I don't have to listen to this" Mary Margaret went for her bag.

"You wanted to know!" Emma yelled as she left the diner. "Mary Margaret!" Emma followed her back to her loft, quick fast steps as she yelled for her best friend who knew so little about her she couldn't understand anything Emma wanted to explain.

"Hey" Emma pushed open the door, ready for a heated argument, not ready for Mary Margaret's vicious attack.

"He likes you" she said as Emma closed the door, "You like him, I don't understand what the problem is."

"The problem?"

"Why are you so guarded?"

"I grew up in the foster system?" She suggested, "If you're not guarded in that vicious system, you'll end up dead, Miss my-parents-didn't-leave-me-on-the-side-of-a-highway. You had- _have_ a loving family."

"Emma"

"No, listen." She said as she ran a hand through her hair, "You know where I got my last name? Go ahead, guess"

"You saw a swan one day and went, hey? I don't know"  
"I had a very nice, very loving foster family until I was three, I was almost theirs, had the paperwork, but someone had to get pregnant, they had their own kid so they sent me back." Emma paused, "Swan was their last names. But they didn't want me. Ever feel like that?"

"No..."

"Ever get attached to families only to be thrown out on the streets until a social worker decided to do their goddamn job and place you with a useless family who didn't want you? Ever decide it's pointless to get attached because no one is ever going to _want_ you?" Emma threw her hands up, "Hi!"

"Emma...why are you telling me this?"

"You wanted to know why I'm guarded, why I'm broken, why I can't stay in one place for a very long time. I'm telling you." Emma said, "I never mattered to anyone, not until I was sixteen, on the run and stealing to survive." This was it, the big finish, the part she never told her, "I met a guy, a great guy. I thought I loved him, hell, I probably still do because damn, he was the only guy who made me feel like I was wanted. He was older, it was inappropriate, I didn't care."

"Emma-"

"I got pregnant, he asked me to steal some watches for him, said we could have a future. Bastard got me thrown in prison. Sent in a tip to the police to check the surveillance camera's. He's gone. Been gone, hasn't made an effort to contact me. That baby I gave up? His."Emma shrugged, "Gave birth to him in a disgusting prison hospital room, handcuffed to a freaking bed because for whatever reason, they thought I'd run with a child ripping me in half. So, while you get the luxury of having someone who loves you hold your hand while you scream and cry and have a beautiful amazing birth, I got to be alone, screaming, handcuffed, unable to really move and no one was there to hold my freaking hand." Emma said softly, she was crying, "I don't want to be with anyone, I don't want someone to break me again. I barely survived Neal. So, yeah, if he asks, I'll say no. No matter the feelings I have, I can't let myself be vulnerable to another person like that again."

"Emma…" Mary Margaret stepped towards her, cupping her face in her hands, "He won't hurt you, you have to trust me when I tell you, he won't go anywhere unless you push him out the door."

"You don't know that"

"I do, Emma, believe me." She pulled her in, a tight embrace. She never really hugged Emma like this before, so warm and kind and loving, she trailed her fingers through Emma's hair, gently. Motherly. Almost made Emma feel like she was enough. "I'm so sorry, Neal was an idiot. He was a coward. I'm so sorry." She whispered in Emma's ear.

* * *

A/N: That was a lot.


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh hush, my love" Elsa cooed, her voice so soft it could hardly be heard over the screaming infant. "It's okay"

"What does she need?" Killian asked. Elsa's shoulders slumped and she sighed heavily.

"Her father" she whispered, "He always got her to stop when she got like this. All he had to do was hold her."

"Mommy, can I try?" Stella asked, fisting her hands in Elsa's baby blue skirt and begging with her big blue eyes. Elsa looked at Lydia and then at Stella.

"Remember what I told you?" She asked, "Be very careful-"

"Hold her head" Stella finished her mother's sentence and sat on the couch beside Killian. She reached out and Elsa very carefully placed the tiny baby in her other baby's arms. She made sure she had a good hold before letting go. After a few seconds, the crying stopped.

"I did it!" Stella said happily, "She's all better"

"Yes, you are a very good big sister" Elsa smiled sweetly, "But you must get ready to go to Mary Margaret's, she is waiting for you"

"Can't I stay here?"

"Killian has work."

"Can I stay with Anna and Kris?"

"They will be leaving soon as well" Elsa said softly. "Don't you like Mrs. Nolan?"

"Yes, but…"

"But?"  
"Emma…" Stella said softly.

"What about Emma?" Elsa asked as she cast a glance at Killian, who had a sudden interest in the conversation. Stella shifted the baby in her arms, who was now asleep. Anna took her gently and placed her in the pumpkin seat on the floor.

"She carries this thing around."  
"What thing?"

"I don't know what it's called. It...hurts people? She hurts people."

"A gun?" Elsa asked, her stomach dropped. She carries that thing around children? "Darling, is that what you're talking about?"

"Yeah."

* * *

"Hello Elsa" Mary Margaret chirped as she opened the door, hot cocoa in hand. Seemed to be all she ever drank.  
"Hello"

"Is something wrong?" She asked as the woman entered gracefully. She set the baby, asleep in her pumpkin seat, on the floor and turned.

"My daughter is terrified" she said, "Of Emma"

"Oh my." Mary Margaret said softly, "Emma?"

"Yeah"

"Emma!" She shouted and down the stairs she came. Stella kept herself firmly in the doorway of the loft. Her eyes wide, her hand clutching Killians. He smiled a tiny smile at her.

"What?" Emma asked, "Did you start a daycare?"

"Emma" Elsa said softly, "I like you. You're very kind"

"Thank you" She rose a golden eyebrow.

"However. My daughter, does not"

"Oh"

"What did you do?" Mary Margaret asked, mom voice in overdrive.

"Emma's not great with kids" David chimed in from the kitchen counter.

"Hey!" Emma folded her arms over her chest. "What did I do?"

"My daughter doesn't like that thing you carry around with you."

"Thing?" She stepped forward, getting a little defensive. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your _gun_ " Mary Margaret said in a hushed voice. Emma nodded and took it from it's holster. Stella's eyes widened and she looked like she wanted to bolt.

"Don't shoot my mommy!" Killian tightened his hold on her. Hushing her quietly, telling her it was okay.

"I would never" Emma said softly, she place it on top of the fridge and away from little fingers.

"I tell her all the time to keep it hidden. She never does."

"It's alright" Elsa said softly, "Stella, darling come here" She leaned into Emma's ear and whispered, "Talk to her." Stella walked over slowly. Cautious.

"Emma has something to tell you" Elsa said softly as she knelt down, she kissed the girl's forehead. She whispered something to Mary Margaret before waving and saying goodbye. Her and Killian left, the door closing with a soft click.

"Stella, is it?" Emma asked. Mary Margaret walked off, watching from the kitchen counter with David.

"Yeah."

"What is it you think I do, Stella?" She asked as she knelt down, "With my gun?"

"Hurt people"

"You couldn't be more wrong, kid" she spoke softly, "I only use it when I have no other choice. Usually when people try to hurt me or another person. My job requires me to be armed at all times, sometimes I forget I'm safe in my own home."

"You help people?"

"That's right" Emma said softly, "I'm kind of a superhero" she whispered that part like it was a secret.

"Really?"  
"Really."

"That's so cool" She said, her eyes big, not with fear but with interest.

"It is" Emma stood, "You still afraid of me, kid?"

"No"

"Great. Glad we got that covered." And then the child did something unexpected, she hugged her, tight. Emma jumped and blinked, Mary Margaret and David smiled wide, like proud parents.

"Uh...okay" Emma whispered, she patted the girl's dark curls and she let go. Emma sighed.

"You'd make such a good mother, really" Mary Margaret whispered it to her after Stella ran off to play with Josh and Mary Margaret had the baby tucked safely in her arms.

"We talked about this."

* * *

"What did you do?" Killian asked when she answered her phone. She questioned him. "Stella won't stop talking about you."

"I'm awesome?"

"You certainly are, Miss Swan" He said softly, "The kids are asleep."

"You sound like such a dad"

"Hey" he laughed, "listen"

"Okay"

"They're sleeping. Anna and Kris are at the movies and- Elsa I'm doing it." He said, she heard a voice. "And...hm"

"Hm?"

"Come to me" he said softly, just like he did that night she called him the first time, the way he said it sent her running to his classroom and now she had to fight the urge to run to his freaking house.

"Excuse me?" She asked, "No dinner first?" She bit her lip and she heard him chuckle, remembering it.

"Swan, don't make me beg"

"I think I'd like to hear that" she whispered, not meaning it to sound so sexual. It did and she kicked herself for it. It was quiet for a while.

"Elsa is making something, says if you don't come over she'll bring it to you."

"I don't know. It's a long drive and I'm tired." She said, she was dragging it out because she couldn't go over there. Couldn't keep leading this poor soul on.

"Emma, I have a spare room."

"Is that an invitation to stay the night?"

"I seem to recall you wanting me to read you to sleep." He said, something hidden in there. Something that made her chew her lip and her stomach do a million different twists and turns. "Earth to Swan"

"Sorry, I…" She swallowed, "Uh"

"Did I overstep?"  
"No, it's just. I have this thing with Graham...and…" she lied to him. Feeling instantly awful for doing such a thing because he was so nice and she liked him more than she wanted to admit.

"That's alright."

"No, I lied" she said caving, "I'm coming over. You winnn." She looked over at the box on her dresser, she'll take it another time.

* * *

Elsa squealed from the kitchen, "You got a date!" She said as she bounced around, cupcake pan in hand. "Should I get some wine?"

"It's not a date"

"Like hell it's not" she said, her bouncing continued, "Eeeeee! I'll be out of the way in just a second"

"It's not a date!" He yelled from the couch, setting the stack of papers on the coffee table.

"Keep telling yourself that, Jones. Oh, I wish Liam were here"

"Elsa"

"He'd be so happy. To see you finally moving on with your life"

"I'm sure." Killian tapped his pen on the table and waited for the doorbell to ring. Why was he nervous? He shouldn't be. She was just Emma. Beautiful, lovely, enchanting, Emma Swan. The doorbell rang and he went to answer. Emma stood, her leather jacket zipped up to keep her from the frigid end of autumn air. It'd be winter soon. She smiled a soft smile, still not comfortable with her surroundings. It was evident she'd never really been inside a house so...elegant.

"Hey." She said softly. He smiled.

"Hey"

"Let the girl in!" Elsa shouted from another room. He stepped aside and she brushed passed him.

* * *

"So, you don't live with Mary Margaret then?" He asked, she sat on the couch beside him, her feet tucked under her, her elbow resting on the back of the couch. She shook her head.

"No"

"You're there quite a bit"

"Yeah" She shrugged, "It gets lonely in my apartment"  
"I understand"

"I think she let's me stay because she likes to mother me" Emma said softly, "Which is fine, it's nice having someone who cares about me."

"You deserve that"

"You barely know me." Emma smiled, "I could be a cold blooded murderer"

"True." He sighed as he picked up his pen, stack of paper had barely gone down since he started it an hour ago. "You know, as much work it is grading these, you'd think I'd lessen the workload"

"Your students would appreciate that, I think," Emma said softly, she watched him pick one up, a six page essay. He glanced at her from reading every now and then.

"I'm sure they would." he said, "however, how would they learn?" The front door opened with a loud bang and Anna came in, all smiles despite the angry nature she opened the door in.

"Emma, was it?" She asked as she plopped down on the couch.

"Yeah…"

"Hey" she said sweetly, "how are you today?"

"Anna, where is Kris?" Elsa asked as she emerged from the kitchen, her bare feet not making a sound as she seemed to glide across the floor.

"Outside" She said losing the sweetness in her voice as she got up and stormed up the stairs. Killian glanced at Elsa and then at Emma before his eyes fell on the door. He got up.

"I got it" he said as he walked out. Elsa sighed and sat on the couch, the baby monitor went of, a screaming infant coming from the room down the hall. She sighed, smiling at Emma as she got up and went to it. Emma was alone in this huge house, she decided to do some sightseeing. She looked at the pictures on the walls. A wedding photo of Elsa and a man she didn't know, it must have been Liam. There was no denying it, they looked almost identical. She circled around the room the photographs playing out Killian's life in order, one of him smiling while he held a small newborn, Anna and Kris, Elsa and Liam, Killian and Liam. She sighed. It was so quiet now. Elsa came back an infant in her arms as she walked towards her.

"Lydia, this is Emma" she said softly, "Emma, this is Lydia." She whispered, "I have a feeling Emma will be around a lot from now on."

"Um..I don't…"

"He likes you, do you not see it?" Elsa looked at her, her dark blue eyes soft on her green eyes. She smiled a gentle smile, "I can understand why he hasn't had the courage to do anything about it. It's been a very painful few years." Elsa sighed, rocking the baby slowly, she smiled down at her, a look of pure love. "So much loss."

"I'm sorry about Liam"

"Ah yes, as is everyone." Elsa said, "I had people bring me useless plates of foods and pastries for days. In London at least. All I'd hear is I'm so sorry for your loss, Elsa. Thank you Emma, but I don't need anymore wishes of condolence."

"I understand"

"I miss him" Elsa whispered, "I miss his eyes. I miss his laugh, he made everything so much better. Stella doesn't understand why her dad never came home. I didn't take her to the funeral, it was...too much even for me."

"Yeah"

"I regret it." She shrugged, "she'd have a better understanding of what happened had I let her go, but I couldn't let her have the image of her father in a casket burning a hole in her brain forever."

"I understand" Emma said softly, "I would have done the same thing"

"Would you?" She asked softly, her voice barely a whisper, "Emma, I need you to help me with something."

"What?"

"Killian...he is, for lack of a better word, broken. Having you around is the only time I've seen him really smile since Liam died."

"I can't fix him"

"That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you to mend him"

"What?"

"You see, fixing is healing someone, taking the pain away completely. Mending it, is like stitching, it's enough to allow that person to function, to breathe, to not fall apart completely, to still be able to come undone. With mending comes the nights where you have to sit up and drink a bottle of scotch and wonder why. With mending there is pain but only in little doses, it's not a fix, it's not a solution to the issue. It is only allowing enough room to get up and breathe without crumbling." She said softly, her voice still barely a whisper but Emma could hear it. Her words sinking in. "Killian needs someone to help mend him."

"I can't."

"No, not alone. I'm here, not because he opened his home to me and my children, but because Liam told me before the surgery, not to let his little brother to destroy himself. I promised him I would ensure that Killian be okay. That he would be safe. And loved."

"Elsa."

"I can't do this by myself, I can't stitch him back together, not alone. He likes you, he really does, I can see it and I know for a fact that you feel it too." Elsa looked down at her baby and sighed, a shaky breath. "Anna tries and she and Killian, they're close but...it's not enough. She's just a child. She's barely seen the world and I need for her to be able to go without worrying."

"You want her to leave?"

"I want her to live." Elsa said, "I see in your eyes, you're just as...damaged as the rest of us. Which is why I need you to give into the pull. Don't push against it. If you feel something, if you feel anything at all, I need for you to act on it. Don't run from it, it could be beautiful."  
"I don't...I can't."

"Someone hurt you. Don't let the past play a role in your future. All I'm saying is, give it a shot. Give him a chance, should he ask, should he come to you. Fight the urge to deny him, and allow yourself the courage to give in."

"You barely know me."

"True." She said softly.

"Mommy!" They both turned to the little scream and Elsa closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

"I have to…" Elsa said as she looked at Lydia, "Will you…"

"Um I guess, sure.." Emma said, Elsa gently placed the infant in her arms before walking away.

"Your walls can only stay up for so long, Emma. Believe me, I know." And with that, she disappeared down the hall. Emma sighed.

"Swan?" Killian came back inside, "Where is everyone?"

"Uh. Anna is still upstairs and Elsa had to go take care of something…" She said with a tiny smile. He walked over.

"So, we're alone. Kind of" he gestured at the baby.  
"Yes"

"Brilliant." He whispered, "House tour?"

* * *

A/N: Hi guys! I hope this was long enough. I'm trying to make my updates a little longer. :) Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

He had taken the baby and put her back to bed before returning to Emma, as she stood by the fireplace. Lit and warm, the sound of crackling wood giving her a feeling of comfort.

"Emma" He said, breaking her away from her comfort and smiling, "Come along." Emma quickly fell into step behind him. He led her down the dark hallway, only two bedrooms down here, taken by the children. He told her they used to be empty, so it was nice to be able to fill the rooms after a year.

"The room at the end of the hall is where I do most of my work, outside of the classroom, of course." He opened the door. For the lack of books in the house she could see, he made up for it in this room. Bookshelves again every wall, it was like a tiny library. They circled the room, coming and touching both ends of the desk in front of a large window, the black curtains drawn to block the outside world. The desk was littered with neatly stacked papers and a computer.

"No one really goes in here, besides me, unless you're looking for reading material. However, you wouldn't want to use these books."

"Why?" Emma asked, she ran her hand over the binding of one, looking around. He had a few of the same copies of multiple books, some in different languages.

"My highlighting may be distracting." He said, he pulled a book out, opening it, the page he landed on had lines highlighted in blue, random lines, some dialogue, some not. She was about to ask why, but he answered like he knew it was on her tongue. "Because, Swan, you can't woo a woman with your words alone." He smirked.

"I can't tell if you're joking" She said as she folded her arms over her chest. He just laughed.

"Would you rather me be joking?"

"I don't know, would I?" Emma asked and then she turned away, because the way he was looking at her, made her heart jump a little. "Have you ever...used it for that?"

"No. Can't say I have." He put the book back, "Don't need too."

"Ah, look at that, Mr. Confident." She followed him out of the room and up the stairs. They creaked, but were stable enough. She figured everything up here was just bedrooms. Really no use in seeing those. _Unless_.

"Up here is mostly bedrooms, but there's a room I could show you." She followed quietly, walking by boxes by doors. He maneuvered around them perfectly, because he knew where they were, Emma, however, did not. Didn't help that it was dark. She tripped over one nestled neatly by someone's room. He quickly grabbed her, pressing her against the wall so he didn't fall too. They were so close, closer than they've ever been.

"You okay?" He questioned, his voice barely above a whisper, she nodded, but they didn't pull apart.

"Yeah…" She breathed, "Thank you." She should move, she should try and put some kind of distance between them, but she found she couldn't move. Her limbs weren't cooperating.

"Emma," he whispered, "I want…" he didn't say anything else and she waited. He leaned in and she thought her heart might beat out of her chest and just before their lips could meet, a door slammed and she snapped the hell out of it.

"Oh, oh god, I'm so sorry" Anna stammered, "I'll ju-"

"I have to go." Emma said quickly as she ducked under his arm and all but ran down the stairs. She nearly knocked Elsa over as she ripped the door open.

"Emma!" Elsa called, "Emma, what happened?!" She got in her car, Kris now standing on the porch as she watched her speed off. She didn't stop running until her back slammed against her apartment door and she was safe inside her apartment. She closed her eyes as she slid down.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Elsa asked as she raced up the stairs, Anna met her at the top.

"He tried to kiss her and she flipped." Anna said softly, "I might have...helped it"  
"What?"

"I came out to talk to Kris and...I must have startled her. Killian?"

"I'm fine." He insisted as he gently kicked the box Emma nearly decapitated herself over, back to it's place against the wall. "Really, I shouldn't have...uh. She wasn't comfortable."

"Killian" Elsa said softly, but he just ducked in his room and closed the door gently. She ran a hand through her hair, messing up her braid and sighed. "I shouldn't have told her all that." She breathed.

* * *

She ignored his calls, said no when Mary Margaret would ask if she wanted to sit in her classroom with her while the kids worked on their projects, avoided Granny's, avoided the library. She couldn't keep hiding from him forever, she was surprised he hadn't showed up at her door. Why was it affecting her so much? It's not like they actually kissed. Technically nothing happened. She ran her hand over that damn book, the one with his number still scribbled in the front cover. She sighed and went to her bookmarked page. She didn't know how long she read, she got pretty far, even without his voice reading the words for her. Elsa had called a few times today, wanted desperately to know just why she ran. After she told Emma to just give in, but it wasn't that easy. She read quietly, trying to distract herself from him, trying to stop her mind from picturing his face, his lips. She turned the page to see something, a line highlighted in yellow, she remembered the books in his office, the way he highlighted lines and passages that interested him. She took a deep breath and read it, _Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another._ She put the book down, her heart hammering in her chest.

"You sneaky bastard." She whispered, he must have done it after she left it with him so foolishly. She bit her lip and picked up her phone.

"Emma" Killian picked up on the first ring, there was no playful tone, just genuine concern, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't h-"

"Shut up." She whispered, "Why? Why did you highlight…" she ran a hand through her hair, "What are you trying to do to me?"

"I'm not-"

"I don't want to...want you." She said it softly and there was only silence, he listened to her breathe, she listened to him breathe. She wanted him to speak, but he was only quiet, giving her time to collect her thoughts. "I can't...I need you to understand. Please."

"Who hurt you?" He whispered it, but she sucked in a breath.

"I don't want to talk about that."

"I need to see you."

"That's...not a good idea" her eyes falling on that damn glass carousel, still in the box. She couldn't even remember what it looks like. "That's a bad idea."

"I don't care, I'm notorious for making bad decisions." He said and she heard movement, he wasn't at home. He really liked staying late at that school, "Meet me at the park, the one with the swing set that doesn't have swings."

"Killian."

"Please. Emma." He said, "Please." Emma sighed, her legs moving without her telling them to, he always did that. Made her limbs gravitate towards him when she didn't want to go anywhere near him. She mentally kicked herself, stupid for not following her own brains orders. She told herself these were dangerous waters, and she went and jumped in head first. Now she was drowning.

"Okay." She whispered. "I'll meet you."

"Okay."

* * *

He was there at the park's entrance as she pulled up. The night air was frigid as she got out of her car, she was surprised it hadn't snowed yet. He smiled at her as she approached, keeping a distance.

"Hi" he said softly, "Swan"

"Hey" she said it just as softly, and shifted uncomfortably. She fought the urge to run straight into his arms. Doing that wouldn't help the situation. "How was...w-"

"We're not here to talk about that" he said, "Emma. I want to tell you…"

"What?"

"About someone, someone I used to love. Or I still do. I don't know, it seemed like such a long time ago, but…"

"You don't have to say anything."

"I do" he took a step towards her, too far away to touch but close enough to make her stop breathing. "It was three years ago, we were together for about six." He paused, "Her name was Milah."

"Killian." This hurt him. A lot. So she wanted him to stop, she couldn't look at him while he slowly broke in front of her.

"Emma, as much as I love your voice. I need you to listen to me." He said, "I bought the ring the night it happened. I don't know why it took so long to get it, she was the type of woman I wanted to marry as soon as our eyes met. But, being the cautious type I am, I waited years. Like a fool." He sighed, another step and she wanted to step back but again, when he was around she couldn't control her limbs. Her feet stayed frozen to the frigid ground, "She never told me. She never said anything. Never...gave me reason to question. We were just in the house, she wrapped her arms around my neck, like she did everyday before she left for work."

"What happened?" Emma whispered.

"She kissed me softly, gentle, like we had our whole lives to do it. She walked out of the kitchen, I went back to making coffee and all of a sudden I heard this crash. I went running and she was laying in the hallway. She was gone, it was too late. Her heart just gave up, it just quit."

"Oh my god…"

"Medical examiner said she was living on borrowed time, and she never once mentioned it to me. She took the medication in secret, but she forgot that morning. How do you forget to take the only thing keeping you alive?" He asked, it wasn't a question for her to answer, "I threw the ring in the river and I packed up and left. Couldn't go to the funeral. It hurt so much."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"So you know, I'm anything but perfect, Emma." He said softly, "I can't just go out and ask someone on a date because I think about having a life with that person, I think about one day finding them dead because of a god damn heart condition they neglected to tell me about."

"Killian…"

"I couldn't look at another person without feeling like I was somehow betraying Milah, because we never...I didn't get a goodbye, there was no messy break up, no fight, nothing, she was just here one second and then gone." He ran a hand through his hair, "And then I...I looked at you and I forgot for a second about Milah."

"Stop"

"No." He said, "This, whatever it is, whatever it could be. It terrifies you. That's okay, really, it is. But" he was directly in front of her now, close enough she could reach out and touch him. She didn't dare. "You intrigue me. You are enchanting, you are anything but ordinary, and I can't explain it. This strange feeling we met somewhere, I can't get you out of my head. And I hate myself for it." She didn't say anything, what could she say? "Someone hurt you so bad, you put up these impenetrable walls to keep anything that can do you any harm, out. They stole something valuable, they stole your ability to trust and that really pisses me off. They stole your esteem, your mentality to allow yourself to believe you can matter to anyone, and you already matter to me. So, Emma, I'm asking you. What do you want?" He said, "Do you want to just be friends? To be more, because god, I will have you in my life one way or the other." She stared at him and he stared back, every impulse, every muscle in her body aching to run in his arms and finish what they started in the hallway three days ago. But the other part of her wanted to run to her car and drive, get the hell out of Storybrooke and never come back. So, she took a step forward and she whispered.

"I..."

* * *

A/N: Whoops, cliff-hanger.


	8. Chapter 8

"I want…" She couldn't breathe, her lungs felt heavy and lifeless, useless sacks in her chest that did little to help her breathing. She watched him, the way he waited, being so patient. She didn't want to think about how her words might make him feel. She knew what she wanted and she knew what she couldn't have. What she didn't deserve. "I want a lot of things." She whispered. He tilted his head, waiting an answer. Something that would either help him breathe or stop his breath all together. And she thought about what Elsa had told her, about giving in, about helping him.

"Emma" he said her name softly, they were close enough to touch and he reached out, she stepped back.

"I think we should just be friends." She said quickly, "I know that's not what you want to hear but, I'm not ready. Please understand." He nodded.

"I understand."

* * *

Any and all flirtatious greetings, suggestive eyes, and playful smirks ceased to exist that day. Over the next few weeks they didn't speak much, their communication with each other seemed to die down. Maybe it was because they were both busy with their own jobs, maybe because they wanted each other so bad it hurt to hear each other's voices. She still read the book he gave her though, finished it finally and she didn't know if she should give it back or not. She didn't want to face Elsa, not after that. Emma may have made things worse. Mary Margaret certainly wasn't happy with her, but she didn't push the issue further. Didn't mention it at all anymore, because at the end of the day. The urge to run was too much.

Her feet crunched the snow on the ground, Thanksgiving was soon, all schools were out on break. Which meant she had to be careful because he'd be free and probably out. Mary Margaret's place was warm and cozy and smelled of cookies. She smiled at Emma when she walked in.

"Is it cold?" She asked

"No. It's pretty hot" Emma responded as she closed the door, Mary Margaret rolled her eyes as she rounded the counter.

"Haha" She said sarcastically.

"Em!" Josh shouted from the floor, outstretching his arms for Emma. She sighed and lifted him.

"Look kid, you're getting so big. You do realize I won't be able to do this forever, right?"

"No"

"Figured." Emma said as Mary Margaret laughed.

"You tell David yet?"

"No" Mary Margaret responded, "It's too early and I don't want to scare him. He didn't want the kids too close together."

"I mean what's the worst that can happen? He won't send you to prison and never come back"

"I guess" she said softly, "Can you get the door, I gotta get these out." She gestured towards the oven. Emma didn't even hear knocking. She set the little boy down and opened the door.

"Hey." Killian said softly.

"Hi"

"Emma!" She was attacked by small arms and she jumped

"Hey kid." She laughed, "Uh...go play." She ran inside, her braid bouncing as she ran. Killian sighed.

"No hug then. I see how it is." He said with a shrug. "How are you, Miss Swan?"

"Fine." She said softly, trying to ignore Mary Margaret's staring. "I finished that book."  
"Ah, good to hear. Did you like it?"

"Yeah"

"Brilliant." He smiled, "Bye." He said softly and then was gone, walking down the hallway quickly. Emma sighed and closed the door.

"That was brutal" Mary Margaret said as she pulled the cookies from the sheet.

"It's the most he's said to me lately."  
"You rejected him, Emma."

"I did not"

"Oh, so the "Just friends" was what? A metaphor?" She asked softly, "Sounds an awful lot like rejection. The almost kiss thing doesn't soften the blow either."

"Dude" she gestured to Stella, who was sitting on the floor with Josh. She was coming her fingers gently through his hair. "Can we not?"

"I just don't understand why you won't give him a chance."

"I really don't want to talk about this"

"Okay. Alright, I'll stop" She said softly, "Just concerned"

"Yeah well, it's none of your business."

* * *

"So, Thanksgiving plans?" Mary Margaret asked as they sat on the couch. Emma drinking a glass of water while Mary Margaret attempted to cool down her cocoa. Emma gave her a weird look.

"Oh yeah, totally, huge group of us are having a huge dinner." Emma said sarcastically, "No I don't have any plans."

"You know David and I would love to have you come with us to his mother's."

"I can't do that. I've never met the woman."

"She'd love to meet you, Emma. Think about it. You know who else would love to have you?"

"Don't."

"Killian." She said as she sipped her steaming beverage, "it's the first holiday without his brother, I'm sure it'll make it easier to fill up an empty seat."

"I'm not...no. Stop trying to set me up with this guy"

"You just know I'm right. You like him, Emma."

"It'll never work"

"Not if you don't try" Mary Margaret said softly, "And you haven't. You won't let anything happen. I'm telling you, Emma, if you let this man slip through your fingertips, you're going to regret it. He won't wait forever. Or, maybe he will."

"We're just friends."

"You can't just be friends with someone when feelings are involved. Tried it with David, look how that turned out."

"I wonder if Graham has any plans" Emma said softly.

"Emma, we're not changing the subject-" Ruby crashed in. Her red lips twisted in a grin as she walked towards the couch, "Um. Hey Ruby."  
"What are we talking about?" She asked as she settled on the couch, her feet propped on the coffee table, "Let me guess. Emma friendzoning Killian?"

"I did not!"

"You kind of did." Mary Margaret said with a nod. Ruby nodded along.

"Ruby what brings you here?" Emma asked, she rarely ever came over. Granny all but shackled the poor girl to the Diner at all times.

"Oh you know, just in the neighborhood." She said with a shrug, "So, Emma, let's get something straight. You want to jump his bones, he wants to jump your bones. What's more to discuss? Go for it. Seriously the tension is suffocating."

"It is" Mary Margaret nodded.

"What tension?" Emma asked, folding her arms over her chest. She needed new friends.

"The insane, undeniable sexual tension between you and the hot high school teacher. Duh." Emma sighed, really just not wanting to talk about it. "He wants you. Like, bad. And you went and friendzoned the poor soul. Even though everyone knows you want him too. If I were in your position...I'd do so many things to that man."

"We don't need to know about your...thoughts about Emma's potential lover."

"Never say that again." Emma said as she ran a hand through her hair, "Rubes, how's your girlfriend?"

"We're not talking about her right now. She's great though, I miss her. Anyways, Jones." She said, "Em. If you don't go over there and tell him you love him I-"

"I don't love him"

"Bull" Mary Margaret and Ruby said at the same time. Emma got up.

"You can't make me do anything. I'm leaving." She walked towards the door and tore it open, there, in mid knock, was Killian.

"Hey look who it is!" Ruby yelled, "Hey, she won't ask because she's stubborn as hell, but will you give Em here, a ride home?"

"Uh."

"It's so dark. It would put my mind at ease." She smiled sweetly. Emma smiled back at her.

"I have a gun" She said, "Don't think I won't use it."

"It's also so cold." Mary Margaret added on, "You wouldn't want her to freeze would you?" Killian shifted, looking at Emma. She sighed.

"I can walk." She said as she brushed passed him. He grabbed her arm, gently, making sure he didn't hurt her.

"Are you okay?" He asked low in her ear, "It's no trouble, love."

"I'm fine." She tore away from him and got the hell out of there.

"Where's Stella?" He asked as he watched Emma storm off. She was pissed about something, but it wasn't his business.

"I'll get her." Mary Margaret got up and walked to the other room.

"Have a seat, kid" Ruby said from her place on the couch.

"Kid? You know I'm older than you, right?" He asked as he sat down beside her, "Are you supposed to have your feet on that?"

"Were you supposed to let Emma slip through your fingertips? No, hey we both did something wrong." She smiled sweetly and he sighed.

"This again"

"Damn right, this again." Ruby folded her arms over her chest, "Emma's stubborn, she's not just going to give into her feelings, if you want something from her, you have to demand it."

"The thing is, either, she'll kick your ass, or she'll run into your arms like some cheesy romantic movie." Mary Margaret said, "Stella's getting her things."  
"Thank you." He said, "Look, I don't know who got to her before I came around but I won't push her to do something she isn't comfortable with. It's called respecting her wishes, regardless of how I feel about it."

"How do you feel about it?" Ruby asked, arching her eyebrow as she plopped a piece of gum in her mouth. "Emma's rejection." He was just about to say something when Stella walked out of the other room, bag dragging on the floor.

"Did Emma leave?" She asked

"Yeah, she just left" Ruby said softly.

"She never says goodbye."

"She's pretty bad at goodbyes"

"Yeah" Stella nodded, "Can we go home?"

"Absolutely." Killian said as he got up.

"Hey, Killian" Mary Margaret said, he turned from the door, "Call her for me, please. Just make sure she got home okay."

"Sure."

* * *

Her phone rang as soon as she got into bed and she groaned when she saw who was calling. She pressed the ignore button and closed her eyes, her phone rang again.

"What?" She groaned

"Just checking to make sure you're alive. Since you so kindly refused to let me drive you home." Killian said, "Mary Margaret wanted me to call you."

"She could have done that herself."

"Yes, she could have. I think her intentions were clear."

"She wanted to get us to talk." Emma said softly, "How was your day?"

"Uneventful."

"That sucks."

"It's very difficult to get things done when all I want to do is hear your voice." He said softly, "Stella wanted me to ask you something."

"What?"

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" He asked and she sighed. The child heard their conversation. There's no telling what else she heard.

"Uh…"

"She's very concerned. Given, she knows you don't have...much family-"

"I don't have any family, Killian."

"She doesn't want you to be alone."

"I'm used to it." She said softly, she hung up and shut her phone off, if she kept talking to him, she'd end up over there.

* * *

A/N: She's used to it.


	9. Chapter 9

Emma sighed, swinging the door to her apartment open. A bottle of wine and a turkey sandwich in her hand. Her phone chimed with a text from Mary Margaret.

M: _I really wish you would have joined us. Ruth wouldn't have minded._

E: _I'm fine. Happy Thanksgiving._

She threw her phone on the end table beside the door, along with her keys. That's when she noticed, someone had been in here. She looked around, nothing seemed to be missing, however there was something on her kitchen table. A plate wrapped in foil. She walked over and picked the little note next to it up. " _Elsa insisted I bring this to you. You should really lock your door, love. -Killian."_ She rolled her eyes and crumpled it up. She slowly unwrapped the plate from the foil, still warm. It was just some slices of turkey and mashed potatoes. Her phone rang.

"You broke into my apartment." She said

"Technically, I didn't."

"Yeah, okay." She said softly

"The door was unlocked, I didn't steal anything. You should really lock your door, I could have been a burglar." Killian said, "Or I could have waited until you got home, drugged you, and murdered you. You never know."

"I'll take it into consideration. Nothing really valuable in here anyways."

"You're valuable."

"Shut up." She laughed, "You know what I meant."

"I suppose."

"How did you...know where I live anyways?"

"A little birdy told me."

"Mary Margaret?"

"Yes." He said, "She's at the farm with David's mother?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I have to go. And Emma, if you get lonely. The door is unlocked, just come inside." And with that, he hung up. That wasn't too awkward, maybe they were starting to be okay again. She sighed.

* * *

School was back in session, which meant she didn't really have to worry about running into him. Or Elsa, she was the new choir instructor and she worked late. Anna and Kris were the only people who don't badger her about Killian. Besides...Killian. She started locking her apartment now, much to Mary Margaret's dismay because now she couldn't _secretly_ stock Emma's fridge when she was out working with Graham.

"Emma." Killian walked next to her, falling into step with her. She gave him a weird look.

"Why aren't you-"

"I don't go back until tomorrow. High school gets a longer break. Sorry" He smiled, "What are you up to?"

"Walking to the station." She said softly, "You should wear a bell."

"You should lock your doors."

"I do...now."

"Only took someone walking in to do it."

"Yeah, can you not do that?" She said glancing at him, he smiled.

"Alright."

"Thanks."

"Come over later." He said suddenly

"What?"

"You heard me." He said, "Come over later. I have something for you." She bit her lip and stopped walking.

"What is it?"  
"The thing about surprises, Emma, is you're not supposed to see it coming. Please? Besides, Elsa misses you."

"She does?"

"She enjoys your company."

"Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Because you don't like your own company." He said, "Six. Or seven, whichever is fine. And if you don't, I'll come over. Don't fight me on this, love." He walked away, leaving her standing on the sidewalk.

* * *

She went over at six thirty, knocking on the door gently, he opened it. His hair damp from a shower. He smiled at her.

"Hello." He said softly, "Come in."

"Hi" She said as she stepped inside, he gestured for her to follow him and she did. He took to the room at the end of that long hallway, it was always dark, or dimly lit, never bright. He opened the door to his home office.

"I believe you mentioned you never got to read this." He said as he went over to one of the bookshelves lining the wall.

"I knew it was a book."

"Am I that predictable?" He asked as he pulled one out, "It would help if this were in English, I don't think you know french." He put it back, "Ah, here we are."

"The highlighting may be distracting."

"I restrained myself for that very reason. I think I may have highlighted some, however, it shouldn't take away from the experience." He handed it to her.

"The Great Gatsby?"

"Yes"

"This is Mary Margaret's favorite."

"She told me." He said, "I thought you'd like to read it."

"I'm not much of a reader."  
"I'm here to fix that." He said, "now, let's go outside and watch the war." He said and she followed him out the door.

* * *

It was just a snowball fight, they were across the street in a huge spacious lot surrounded by trees, a house used to be there, but it was torn down. Anna and Kris, Stella and Josh, Elsa leaned on the railing on the porch, no coat. Or shoes.

"You're going to freeze" Emma said softly as she stood next to her.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure."

"The cold never bothered me." She said with a shrug, "I promise."

"Okay." Emma whispered, "When you don't have any toes because of frostbite don't come crying to me."

"Alright." She said as she watched the battle ensue. "Killian, can you go get my phone for me? I want to take pictures."

"Sure" he went back inside. Elsa tilted her head, Anna had fallen and was getting pummeled by snow. She sighed.

"Please excuse me, Emma, I have to go rescue my sister before she drowns in a mountain of snow." And with that, she darted off the porch, looking as she crossed the road, she yelled something but Emma couldn't make it out. As she ran, something fell off her.. Emma walked to go grab it, making sure the road was clear. It was a necklace, the chain had broken. She was just about to turn and head back when she heard something. The door slam. Screeching tires.

"Emma!" Killian yelled for her, but it was too late, she couldn't move. She was struck by a car, throwing her airborne, her head slamming the windshield. The next few minutes were a blur, she couldn't quite make out the voices, but she heard a lot of screaming, her vision was going in and out. Black then fuzzy, black then fuzzy.

"Emma!" Elsa shrieked, Anna grabbed Stella and Josh, keeping them out so they wouldn't run over there. Elsa was quick, "Kris, call an ambulance." She ran to her. Emma's blond hair was sticky with blood, glass sticking out of it.

"Emma." Elsa said softly, "Emma, can you hear me?" Her green eyes were wide, she was shaking, Elsa's necklace in her hand. "Oh my god, why didn't you just leave it?"

"Don't touch her." Killian said, "Her spine might be...uh." He was rounding the corner, ripping the car door open and pulling the driver out.

"Careful" Elsa said softly, she moved some of Emma's hair out of her face, "It's okay, Emma, help is coming."

"Careful? Elsa." Killian gripped the man's collar, "He's drunk."

"Oh my god."

"You know cars come with brakes, right? You should learn how to bloody use them." He shoved him. "Stay." They could hear the sirens now, an ambulance followed by a police cruiser. Graham got out of the car, leaving the door open as he ran over.

"Is that...Emma?" He asked, his eyes wide, "oh my god."

"Yeah." Killian said softly, he couldn't look at her, not with all the blood seeping on the hood of the car. He didn't want that to be the last thing he pictured.

"You." Graham walked over to the man who was behind the wheel, his head bleeding, but other than the cut, he was fine. "What's your name?" He was pulling him aside.

"William." He said, "I'm fine…"

"Sure. Hands behind your back."

"Guys, we need room." A paramedic said as they surrounded her. Anna watched from across the street, hand over her mouth. Stella was freaking out, she wanted over there, she wanted to know she wasn't dead.

"She's going to die." Killian said softly, they moved back, on the curb. Elsa shook her head.

"You don't know that."

"She's convulsing on the hood of some drunks car, with her brain showing. I think it's safe to say she won't make it. Or, if she does, she'll never be the same. You know, maybe she won't even remember any of us."

"Then we'll have to make her." Elsa said softly, "She's probably so scared."

"I need to...call Mary Margaret." He walked inside.


	10. Chapter 10

"Emma!" Mary Margaret shouted as she ran through the hospital doors, through the emergency entrance. She reached for her hand, covered in blood and glass. "Emma, I'm here. I'm here." She was pushed back.

"Miss, you need to back up" A woman said, holding up a hand. The white gloves she was wearing were soaked in blood. Mary Margaret squeezed Emma's hand before she was ripped away and steered towards the waiting room.

"Just let me talk to her!" She screamed, "Emma!" She was grabbed and gently pulled away. She turned, a sobbing mess and cried into her husband's chest, "What the hell happened? What happened?"

"I don't know." He whispered, his lips in her hair, his hand rubbing her back. "Come on. Let's go sit and wait." She nodded. They sat there for what seemed like hours. Elsa was there, with Killian, of course.

"Where's Josh?" Mary Margaret asked as she looked around, "oh god he didn't see it, did he?"

"We tried to shield the kids from it the best we could...but…" Elsa ran a hand through her hair, "I'm afraid he saw her…"

"Oh my god…" Mary Margaret put her head in her hands.

"Elsa, your hand." Killian said softly, "Did you get cut?" She looked it over, but it wasn't her blood. She shook her head.

"I held her hand. It's Emma's…" She breathed, "I'm going to go wash my hand." She walked off, almost in a daze. Ten minutes later, a trauma room, the only one in this freaking hospital, calling in other doctors, more qualified, because there weren't enough. These things don't happen here.

"The type of job she does...all the danger she throws herself into. You'd think she'd get shot or something, stabbed, I don't know." Mary Margaret said softly, sipping her coffee.

"Who knew? The bad ass that is Emma Swan, would be taken out by a _fucking_ car." Ruby said, she finished Mary Margaret's thought in a more vulgar way than she would have put it. She nodded anyways.

"God if she dies…"

"She won't." Ruby said firmly, "She's been through worse."

"Has she?"

"Okay maybe this is pretty bad, but hey, she's a tough cookie." Ruby said softly, "She won't let herself be taken out by a car."

"How's the driver?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I hope he's hurt."

"He had a scratch. That's it." Killian responded. "Just a scratch."

"He's in jail right now." Elsa whispered, "He's perfectly fine in jail, and Emma is fighting for her life. The universe sure is screwed up."

* * *

Elsa was getting a cup of crappy hospital coffee when she was approached by Emma's best friend.

"So, Josh is with Anna and Kris?" She asked softly

"Yes. They're fine, watching a movie. You can go get him whenever you like." She said softly.

"Okay." She turned away but stopped when she heard Elsa's soft sniffle. She put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey…"

"Sorry...just…" She closed her eyes, trying hard to contain her tears. "This is reminding me of a very bad day."

"Oh, that's right, Liam…"

"Was hit by a drunk driver." She nodded, "And died. Sustained severe head and chest injuries." She shrugged, "Same as Emma. Only difference, he was in his own car, Emma wasn't. I'm trying to stay positive here b-"

"I know…" Mary Margaret said softly, "You don't know Emma. She could saw off her own leg and say it's a paper cut. She cut her hand once, really bad, threw a dish towel over it. She didn't go to the hospital until it got infected and I wouldn't stop nagging her."

"Wow."

"She's a fighter." Mary Margaret shrugged, "The system does that to you, I guess." It took seven full hours for a doctor to get a hold of them, coming out of a room with blood on his scrubs. He looked exhausted and Mary Margaret thought for a second he would tell them she's dead.

"I'm Dr. Whale." He said, "Anyone family?"

"We're all family." Ruby said, "Is she dead?"

"No, I'm not saying she's stable, either." He said, "She sustained severe chest and head injuries, there's no telling the neurological damage. She can't breathe on her own, she's hooked to a ventilator, it's breathing for her."

"Oh my god." Mary Margaret said softly.

"She might wake up in a few hours or a few days, or she could never wake up. Right now we don't know. Does she have any blood relation? Children, cousins? A spouse?" He asked and waited for an answer, she wanted to say yes. But not with everyone around, besides what good would a son she gave away be?

"No. No one. She...doesn't have anyone."

"Does she have any insurance, health insurance?"

"No."

"Life insurance?"  
"No." Dr. Whale nodded and left, he didn't tell them where she was or anything, just left.

"Why does he need to know about life insurance?" Ruby asked softly.

"Funerals are easier to pay for when the deceased has life insurance." Killian said, "If Liam hadn't had it, I don't know what we would have done." Elsa laced her fingers with his and sighed, she needed to go home, see her kids. But she wanted to see Emma first.

"You have work tomorrow." She whispered, "we should go, they'll call if anything…" he got up. Mary Margaret pulled him in for a hug.

"She's not going to die." She whispered, "Okay?"

"Okay." He still didn't believe it.

* * *

He didn't go. He called in, so did Mary Margaret. They weren't questioned, by now everyone in town knew what happened. He watched her chest rise and fall, but it wasn't her breathing, it was a machine.

"Oh Emma." Mary Margaret whispered, she brushed her hair back from her face, revealing a long cut.

"Is she awake yet?" Ruby asked, waking in the chair beside the bed.

"No."  
"Oh, I'm late for work." She yawned

"Granny already called, you don't have to come in today." Mary Margaret said softly, "Come on, let's get some coffee."

"Fine." She stretched, getting up from the chair, she touched Killian's shoulder as she walked past, "You coming?"

"No."

"Alright." Ruby whispered and then they were gone. He sighed as he leaned back in his chair, the bag next to it half open, the contents within bloody and torn. It was what was left of her clothes. Inside something stuck out, a book, it's hardcover drenched from melted snow. He picked it up, running his hand over the cover.

"Well. I don't know if you're able to hear me, but…" he said softly as he flipped it open, "It's not going to read itself." He flipped The Great Gatsby open to the first page and shifted more comfortably in his chair, he started to read, " _In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since…_ "

After getting well into chapter one, he looked up and swore he saw her eyelid move, but he shrugged it off as his imagination.

* * *

Mary Margaret watched from the window, a soft smile on her face. God, Emma was foolish not to see it. This guy had no intention of leaving her.

"Hey." David said softly, "How's she doing?"

"About as good as she was three hours ago."

"I'm just worried" he placed his hand on the small of her back, "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Want to go home and change? Maybe take a shower?"

"No" She said softly, "Maybe later, she's too unstable for me to leave right now." David sighed.

"Alright." He breathed, "When were you planning on telling me?"

"What?"

"Emma and Killian? How long have they been a thing?"

"They're just friends." She said softly, she looked at him when he scoffed. "What?"

"Just friends?" He said, "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Mary Margaret, someone who looks at another person like _that,_ " he gestured at Killian, "Really doesn't want to be _just friends_. It was Emma's idea wasn't it?"

"She's scared." She said with a shrug, "Given what happened the last time she gave someone her heart, I'd be scared too."

"Well, when this is all over, maybe she'll see."

* * *

"I know Emma's not the flower type, but hey. Maybe she'll appreciate the effort." Graham said as he placed the lilies in a vase, he placed them next to the other piles of flowers people had been sending. "I hope she knows how loved she is."

"She does." Mary Margaret patted Emma's hand, it felt so lifeless in her own. She tried not to think of it.

"The man who-"

"He's been taken care of." Graham said, "no worries, he won't get out any time soon." The doctor came in.

"Hello." he said, he moved next to Emma, reaching over and lifting her eyelid. He shined a light in it. "Hm."

"It's been three days."

"Yes and I told you, it could take weeks. Just have to be patient." Dr. Whale said, "She will wake up, that much is certain." He looked at the monitors, "Be patient."

"Do you have any idea when she'll wake up?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Not a clue, it takes time. Don't get your hopes up, we still don't know the full extent of her injuries. She could wake up paralyzed, unable to move most of her body, she could be blind, deaf, unable to speak. All of this we can't determine until she's awake and we can do a full examination." He said, "We just have to see." Mary Margaret didn't want to think about it, Emma in a wheelchair, Emma forever silent, Emma unable to feed her goddamn self. All of which she'd hate, Emma would rather have death than have someone take care of her.

* * *

Two days later.

He was at the board writing something when the phone rang, he let it go. Couldn't answer it right now. It rang again and he sighed.

"Someone really wants your attention." One of his students said from the back and he sent a glare their way. He put the cap back on the marker, he handed it to someone along with the typed up version of the notes.

"Write." He said and then went to get his phone. His stomach turned when he saw who it was. "Mary Margaret."

"She's awake." She said softly, god she sounded so tired, "She's awake and she's breathing on her own...but... just get here. She needs…" he heard Mary Margaret swallow her tears and that was all the motivation he needed to grab his coat, a teacher, and run out the door. Marian would watch the class.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret was shrieking, "Emma stop!" She was grabbing her arms, "It's me!" She was flinching and trying to get the hell out of this woman's arms. She couldn't scream, couldn't make a freaking sound. And when Killian ran in the room, followed by a doctor, Emma's eyes flashed, she had absolutely no idea who the hell he was.

It took an hour to get her calm enough to allow Dr. Whale to check her. She was shaking but wouldn't let Mary Margaret hold her hand.

"Follow the light with your eyes." He said softly, she did. He moved it slowly, right to left, left to right, up and down. "Good. Squeeze my hand?" She did, barely. "Good, can you move your toes?" She did, slow, painfully. He nodded, "Okay." He whispered, "Miss Swan, what year is it?" She didn't answer, just spit in his face.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret scolded. She still wasn't talking.

"It's alright." he said as he grabbed a napkin and wiped his face, "Emma, can you speak? Say something." She stared at him and then opened her mouth, a small sound, like a whimper came out but that was it. She looked completely and utterly pissed off.

"It's okay." He said soothingly, "We can try again tomorrow." She leaned back in bed and allowed Mary Margaret to cover her with a blanket and tuck her in like she was a child. She rolled her eyes.

"Emma." Mary Margaret said softly, "It's okay…"

It wasn't.

* * *

A/N: Hi! I had every intention to update the day after the last one, but I got sick. (I'm still sick). Sorry for the wait.


	11. Chapter 11

"Okay...one for yes, two for no." Ruby said softly as she sat next to Mary Margaret. Emma rolled her eyes again. "Do you know who I am?" Emma slammed her hand down on the stand beside her. "Do you know who Mary Margaret is?" She slammed it down once again. Ruby nodded.

"Good." she said, "Do you know who Killian is?" Emma balled up her fist and slammed it down again. She was frustrated. Understandable. She couldn't talk, but could think of what she wanted to say, her thoughts were coherent, she could barely move her right arm, her legs were jello. She just wanted to rip her hair out.

"Emma, are you hungry?" Mary Margaret asked softly, soothingly, like she was speaking to a child. Emma slammed her hand down twice. Making her jump. David walked in, Josh's hand in his.

"He wanted to see her." He said and the little boy jumped up on the bed, throwing his arms around Emma without even thinking. She flinched.

"Careful" David said softly, "She's in a lot of pain." He picked him up.

"Em." He said, holding his arms out as David carried him away. Emma bit her lip. This two year old kid could speak better than she could and she was a grown woman. They were staring at her, with pity, she just wanted to slap those looks off their faces.

"Emma, how are you feeling?" Dr. Whale walked in her room, she glared at him. _Like I got hit by a car?_ She couldn't say it, so she slammed her hand down twice again, not breaking eye contact with him as she did it.

"That means no." Ruby said from her chair.

"Yes, while effective, I don't think doing that is a good idea." Dr. Whale said, "No need for more broken-" Emma slammed her hand down again in an attempt to get him to shut up. "Alright, Miss Swan. What hurts?" She hit the side of her head as she rolled her eyes. "Your head?" She slammed her hand down. She rose an eyebrow.

"I think yes." Mary Margaret said softly.

"Alright, I'll get something to help with that. Emma, did you try speaking?"

"She's been trying all morning." Mary Margaret said, "You don't think it's permanent do you?"

"I don't think so." He grabbed a pen and notepad from his pocket and walked over, "Try and write for me." He held the pad while she took the pen. She tried, when her hand didn't cooperate, she threw the pen, a scowl on her face. She fell back against the pillow. He tried talking to her about physical therapy and the journey ahead, but she didn't want to hear it. So he left to get her something for her pain. Ruby went too, leaving David, Mary Margaret, and little Josh with her. David and Mary Margaret talked to each other quietly, she could hear them. When she heard the words, _live in nurse_ or _long term care facility_ , she threw her pillow at them.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret scolded, "These are things we need to be ready for, I know you don't want to hear it." Emma pointed at David and then at Mary Margaret's belly, she wasn't showing, she wasn't far along at all.

"What? Emma?" David asked

"Emma" Mary Margaret said slowly, bringing her coffee to her lips. Emma knocked it out of her hands. "HEY!" She pointed at Mary Margaret's stomach again, tried to mouth it, rolled her eyes because she had to go with the densest man in the world.

"What about her stomach?" Emma rolled her eyes again. She patted it, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm pregnant." Mary Margaret said finally, "That's what she's telling you." He grinned.

"You're what?"

"Yup." He laughed.

"You're just now telling me?" He smiled, beamed, utter joy and it made Emma sick to her stomach for some reason. He tugged her out into the hallway. His smile was gone.

"What?" Mary Margaret asked he ran a hand threw his hair.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going t-"

"When? Emma knows."

"I didn't tell Emma, she figured it out. She's very observant." Mary Margaret said, "I wasn't going to tell anyone until I was sure…"

"You need to tell me these things right away." He said softly, "We're having another baby."

"Yeah" She smiled, "I was going to tell you the night...Emma got hurt, but it was-"

"I understand. Next time, tell me right away. No waiting." He said and kissed her forehead before going back in the room to sit with Josh.

* * *

Emma watched them talk behind the big window that looked into her room, she couldn't hear them, but she knew what they were talking about and it pissed her off. What do we do with Emma? Who's going to watch her? Long term care facility? Live in Nurse? Who's paying her medical bills? For her medicine? _What do we do with Emma Swan?_ She picked up the vase by her bed and threw it, it crashed against the window and shattered, water and flowers and glass spraying across the room. Killian looked at her. _Don't you dare come in here._ She thought, he did. Opening the door and closing it gently.

"Shouldn't throw things, Swan." He said softly as he sat next to her, "You know there's children here." She glared at him, waving a hand dismissively. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he took her hand in his, she pulled it away quickly and out of his grasp. "Pretty bad, huh?" She rolled her eyes. Everyone was watching, so she took the mature route and resisted the urge to flip them off. She looked at him, her eyes flicking to the blinds. He nodded and got up, she could see him in the reflection, mouthing a "sorry" as he closed them. He sat back down. He talked to her, told her about classes, about work, about Elsa and Stella knocking something over at his house, didn't break it, but he was still a little upset, he told her a story about Liam. He told her how scared he was when he thought she might die. And she felt instantly bad for being so mean to him, he told her about Milah so many nights ago, and she went and almost died right after. She grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"You could stay with me." He said softly, she looked at him, "I won't let them throw you in some care facility with a bunch of sketchy old people. You could stay until you can...function on your own. It's no trouble." She shook her head, she couldn't allow it.

"I think that's a great idea." Elsa smiled as she walked in, "Oh my, what happened?" She asked motioning to the mess on the floor.

"She...got a little upset." Killian said with a shrug. Elsa sighed.

"So, Emma, you'll be staying with us, Anna would be happy to have you. She'd love to get to know you better." Emma shook her head, but because of her lack of vocal protest, it was settled. "I don't work as much as Killian, here, so I'll be home enough to help." She said giving him a teasing nudge. He sighed.

"I am educating today's youth." He said, he ran his thumb gently over the back of Emma's hand, he was surprised she hadn't pulled away yet, Mary Margaret walked in, she pulled away.

"Emma, Dr. Whale says you get to go home tomorrow." She said with a smile, "How does that sound?" _Fantastic._ "Until then we need to discuss where you'll be sta-"

"Already covered." Elsa said, "She's coming with us."

* * *

"Well aren't you lucky, Emma." Ruby smirked as she unpacked the clothes Mary Margaret packed for her, she laid them on the bed. "You get days of uninterrupted interaction with Killian. I'm gonna try and contain the dirty thoughts. But you know what I'm thinking." She said as she pulled the blanket back, she helped Emma swing her legs over the side of the bed. Emma rolled her eyes, this was not what she needed. "Let's get this off of you." She said as she reached behind Emma's neck and untied the hospital gown, it fell and the door opened.

"HEY!" Ruby shouted as she jumped in front of her friend, "Can't a girl have some privacy!?" It was Killian, who quickly retreated.

"Sorry, love." He closed the door.

"So not how I thought the first time he'd see you naked would be." She tsked. Emma punched her arm, too weak for it to hurt. She giggled, "I'm sorry. I'll stop." She grimaced at the bra Mary Margaret packed, "She couldn't pick something a little...sexier? Oh well, it'll have to do." She said as she grabbed Emma's arm and gently clasped it in place. Emma hated this, she could dress herself. No one would let her do anything on her own. She slumped.

"Hey, sunshine." Ruby said softly, "I know you hate the thought of anyone taking care of you, but we're just looking out for you." She gently put her arms through the sleeves of a basic white t-shirt and moved onto the pants, she knelt down, "And you feel really exposed, but we've been friends for years, I don't mind. It's not like I've never seen it. Leg." Emma did her best to lift her leg up so she could get her foot in. "Anyways, this could be good for you." She let Emma lean on her so she could stand and finish pulling the black sweat pants up. Emma's arm tightened around her neck, probably because of her fear of falling since she wasn't steady on her feet yet. Ruby held on, hands on her back. She sighed, "I hate seeing you like this. God, I hate that that prick got a scratch and you got...silenced." She gently sat Emma back on the bed and sat next to her. "She's decent!" Ruby shouted and he came in with Elsa, her smile soft. "Just couldn't wait, could you?" She asked

"Sorry" he said again, "If it helps, I didn't see anything."

"Good. I'd have to hurt you." Ruby said, stroking Emma's hair. She looked unbelievably sad. "It's okay Emma" she soothed. Hospital protocol said she had no choice but to leave the hospital in a wheelchair. Which she hated, she could (mostly) use her legs. This just made her feel more helpless. Elsa wheeled her out and helped her in the car.

"Ruby will be over with more clothes soon." Mary Margaret said once they were at the house. She leaned on her friend for support so she didn't fall, and then she tried to take a step on her own but her leg gave out and she fell into someone's arms.

"I got you." Kris said softly in her ear as he wrapped an arm around her waist and steadied her. She just wanted to lay down and sleep until this was over. They took her to the spare bedroom letting her lay down, she had to keep the door open, so if she needed something they'd be able to hear her, banging her hand on something or anything to make noise. So she lay there, alone, in the dark, listening to their voices downstairs. They were talking about her, about schedules to check on her, about who would take her to physical therapy, they'd rotate, they decided. _Dandy_. Emma put her face in the pillow and did her best to scream, the only thing that came out was a high whining sound, barely above a whisper. That just made her angrier. She wanted them to shut up. She felt someone's hand in her hair.

"Emma…" Stella said softly, "Emma...are you dead?" She turned her face from the pillow and looked at the little girl next to her. She shook her head. "You're crying." Emma hadn't noticed, but as she blinked a fresh batch of tears trickled out of her eyes. Stella wiped them and then dashed out of the room, "Uncle Killian!" She shouted, "Emma's sad!" She turned her face back into the pillow wanting nothing more than to disappear. No way was she letting him see her cry. "She's crying…" Stella said sadly as footsteps sounded on the stairs.

"Go downstairs with your mother." He said softly

"But…"

"Please, love?" He said as he approached the open door, his shadow casting over the room. She went downstairs. "Emma." He said softly as he walked in, "Are you alright?" He asked, he knew better, she couldn't freaking answer him. She turned her head, sniffling. This was stupid.

"Swan." He walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed, "What do you need?" She couldn't answer him, why was he asking questions? He knew better. She tried to sit up, but the medicine was wearing off and it hurt. He came over, grabbing a pillow and putting it behind her back. "More medicine?" He asked and she nodded, he walked out of the room and came back with some pills and a cup of water. She took the pills and then downed the water.

"When's the last time you ate something?" He asked softly, brushing the hair from her face. She shrugged, she wasn't hungry. He'd make her eat anyways. "I'll get you something." He whispered, "Just hang tight, I'll be back." He moved away but she grabbed his arm. Fresh tears in her eyes, she hated this, that she couldn't talk or take care of herself. He sighed, "Emma…" he breathed, their foreheads were touching this was the closest they'd been since the hallway incident. She wanted him to kiss her, really bad but she gave no indication, gave no signals, so when he went for it, he was hesitant. Despite her wanting it, she still turned her head when his lips got close to hers. He smiled still and left.

* * *

"Don't forget, she takes these as nine a.m." Killian said setting a bottle of pills on the table, "These at noon." He set another bottle down, "The rest can be taken any time she feels any pain."

"Relax, your girlfriends in good hands." Kris said as she held the tiny baby. He yawned, "Go to work, we got this."

"She's no-"

"Dude, she totally is."

"Meant to be." Anna said, "Stella is in daycare with Josh, and Lydia here, doesn't do anything but sleep. We'll be fine, how hard can Emma be?"

"You've never met Emma!" Mary Margaret said from the phone, he had her on speaker. "I wish you the best of luck with that one."

"Oh, great." Anna said, a little discouraged. "She'll be fine, really all she does is sleep and throw things. Right?"

"Good luck." Killian said as he put the pills back in the cabinet. He grabbed his bag and headed out the door.

They watched him leave, Kris holding the baby close, when he pulled out of the driveway. They heaved a relieved sigh.

"She's totally his girlfriend." Anna said with a smile, "Alright, does Emma like eggs? Pancakes?'  
"I don't know…"

"Everyone like pancakes." Anna said softly as she grabbed a pan from the counter, "She seems like a pancake girl."

"Yeah, sure." He said as he walked to the nursery. Anna hummed around the kitchen, grabbing the batter, the mixer, the milk and then kicked herself when she saw they didn't have eggs.

"KRISTOFF!" She shouted and he came running, "Will you go get some eggs?"

"We're out?"

"No, I just need more for no reason. Yes, we're out." She handed him her car keys, "Please hurry." She said softly and he left. She walked around the house, checking on the baby, on Emma, who still sleeping, god she was pretty. She cleaned the living room up, cleaned the bathroom, checked the stove, checked the dishwasher and after an hour of him being gone she started to get worried. Her phone rang.

"Where the hell are you?" She asked

"The car broke down." Kris said, "I need you to come get me."

"I can't just.."

"They're sleeping. It'll just take a minute, please."

"Kris..call someone else."

"I tried no one's answering." He said softly, "Bring the baby, Emma will be fine, she's been sleeping."

"Fine." Anna caved, she grabbed Elsa's car keys, grabbed the baby, checked on Emma and left. Guilt strong in her gut.

* * *

Emma woke up around noon, making some sort of noise because holy hell her body hurt. No one came. She bit her lip, biting back a whimper. She had to pee. _Great_. She'd been hoping she wouldn't run into this problem any time soon. Who's the lucky culprit to deal with her bathroom duties? She rolled out of bed, she'd been banging her hand down loud enough to wake the dead, no one came. She planted her feet on the floor, leaning on the wall as she tried to walk. _Baby steps, Swan_. She moved across the floor, trying to go quickly but to no avail. Where was her phone? She grabbed it from the end table. Could she text? Maybe. She made her way to the doorway, a small smile on her lips when she did it. She can do this. She didn't know where the bathroom was though. She was guessing it was downstairs? She moved, stumbling, her foot landing on the top of the stairs. _Oh god._ She tried to move, having nothing to grab onto, but her leg gave out and she tumbled down the stairs. Landing at the bottom with a crash, her phone clutched in her hand. She rolled onto her stomach with a soft whimper. She really couldn't move this time. _Awesome_. Where the hell was Anna? She waited a long time, until it hurt because there was no way she was letting them find her on the floor like _that._ But, when she couldn't hold it anymore, and no one was home yet, she couldn't move anyways, she let her bladder get the best of her, she went right there on the floor. She cried, she did, because she felt like a freaking child, a toddler who couldn't maneuver the world without help. It was stupid. She attempted to send out a text. Using only her thumb.

* * *

His phone chimed as they were watching a movie, some fantasy movie about Peter Pan. The kids were enjoying it, he found it to be quite boring. He opened the message.

 **E** : _I fell._

"Shit." He cursed softly and got up from his desk. Where was Anna and Kris? Why did Emma feel the need to get a hold of him if the two people who were supposed to be watching her, were there? He went out in the hall and called Anna.  
"Where the hell are you?"

"I had to go pick up Kris." Anna said it like he should have known.

"What about _Emma_?"

"She was asleep, I thought she'd be fi-"

"Well she's not!" He snapped, hanging up, he went and got Marian, who insisted she wasn't annoyed with his constant leaving work early. He had to get to Emma.

He walked into the house, had sped home, to find her laying the floor, tears streaming down her face. Lying in her own goddamn urine.

"Oh Emma…" he said softly, she wouldn't look at him, "It's alright." He whispered as he set his bag down and knelt next to her. Anna and Kris ran in behind him.

"Oh my god" Anna said softly, "I'm so sorry." She had tears in her eyes. Killian glared at them as he peeled her off the floor, holding her in his arms as he walked to the bathroom.

"Clean this up, please." He told them as he kicked the door open. Anna did as was asked, he just really wanted to scream at them, make them feel as horrible as possible. But Emma needed him right now. He turned the water in the tub on and the rolled up his sleeves. She was sitting on the edge of the tub. When he reached for her, she flinched. Making a soft sound.

"Swan, look at me." He made her meet his eyes and he kept eyes contact the whole time he undressed her, he didn't look down, didn't peek at her exposed flesh. Didn't make her feel less exposed. There was nothing sexual about it, as he unclasped her bra and pulled down her pants. He did it like he did it every day, the way you would for a child. She was crying again, as he set her in the warm water and put her soaked clothes in a plastic bag. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"It's alright, love." He whispered, "Just relax. Elsa will be home soon." She nodded and he left the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

* * *

A/N: This was a long one. :) Hey guys. I'm feeling better! :D


	12. Chapter 12

She pretended she didn't hear the screaming as she lay in bed, face down in her pillow. She didn't like him like this, she decided, she hoped she never made him yell like this.

"She could have died!" He shouted at them, they weren't yelling back, probably sitting quietly on the couch while he scolded them. She didn't know where Elsa was, probably somewhere trying not to hear the yelling. It was her fault, she should have just stayed in bed, she knew better than to get up and try to do it herself. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed help. She jumped when she felt someone's hand on her back.

"Em…" it was Stella, her voice was soft, she was scared. "Emma...why is Uncle Killian yelling?" She shrugged, "Make him stop...he's scaring me." She had tears in her eyes, she realized then the reason she didn't run to her mother, was because she was in the middle of it, probably making sure he didn't physically hurt anyone. Emma touched her cheek gently and then did her best to move over. Stella didn't hesitate. She climbed in next to her, draping Emma's arm over the tiny body. She knew what it was like, to be in a house full of screaming adults. The only difference in this one was, they weren't breaking anything or _anyone_.

* * *

"She could have died!" He shouted at them as they sat on the couch looking like sad little puppies. He ran a hand through his hair, "What the hell is the matter with you two!? I told her friends she'd be taken care of! And you know what happened?" He asked, "She falls down the stairs and is left to lay in her own urine on the first day!"

"Sorry." Anna whispered, "I thought she'd-"

"You thought wrong!" He shouted. Elsa stepped in. Her voice soft.

"That's enough, yes they were stupid, but they're young." She said, "Maybe we...took more than we could handle." She steered him away from her sister and future brother in law.

"What are you suggesting?"

"That...maybe a full time care facility would be best, one with qualified n-"

"I'm not doing that to her." He said, "No."

"Killian, you're not think-"

"She is not a dog you can just get rid of when things get too difficult!" He shouted, "Do you understand? Do you?" He sighed and poured himself a drink. Elsa took the glass from him.

"You do not need alcohol."

"Fine."

"Listen to me." She said softly, "We don't know how long this will last, or what's going to happen, but" She made her voice loud so they could all hear, "Anna and Kristoff showed they are not capable of helping her today! She needs someone who can. Who can be there all day, everyday until she's able to take care of herself."

"I won't throw her away." He said, "She's been thrown away enough. End of discussion." And with that he disappeared into his office. Elsa sighed and ran her hands over her face.

"You two are idiots." She said softly, "Tomorrow, none of you are to leave this house. If there is something you need? Call me. Got it? Next time she falls down the stairs, I'm throwing you down the stairs." Elsa walked into the kitchen.

* * *

"I'm sure you heard all of that last night." Elsa said softly as she drove her to her appointment, Emma nodded as she looked out the window. In the parking lot, Elsa took the wheelchair from the back and set it down. She motioned for Emma to sit and she did. Rolling her eyes the whole time. Her legs were getting worse, she could barely move them without a huge shock of pain going through them. So, she had to use this stupid wheelchair. She felt a little better though, Ruby helped wrestle her into some jeans and she was wearing her red jacket. She felt a little more like herself.

"I apologize for that." Elsa said softly as she wheeled her towards the entrance of the tall building. "I hear the woman here is very good at her job." She said with a smile on her lips, "She'll get you talking in no time." _Good,_ "You just have to be willing to cooperate." The doors were automatic and opened as soon as they stood in front of them, Emma squinted against the bright lights. They waited for her name to be called and they were lead into a small room. The tag on the door reading "Ashley Boyd, Speak therapist." The woman sitting at the desk was a cute little blonde, her hair pinned up, her face glowing in it's pregnant glory. She smiled at Emma.

"Hello, Mrs. Jones." Emma didn't know who she was referring too, she assumed Elsa but she was looking at Emma. Emma looked at Elsa. She leaned down.

"Killian put you down as his spouse on his insurance. This is expensive, he didn't wa-" Emma bit back the urge to smack her, instead slammed her hand down on the arm of her wheelchair. Elsa jumped and smiled a tiny smile, "I'll go. Be good, Emma." She left the room quickly, leaving Emma, fuming, with a too cheery, too bubbly, Cinderella looking woman.

Two hours in and Emma was ready for death, why couldn't she die? Why couldn't that drunken fool kill her? Anything was better than this chirpy little bird. She bit down on her finger.

"Mrs. J-" Emma slammed her hand down, she did not want to be be called that, she just wanted to scream, _Swan, Swan, Swan, S-W-A-N._ But she couldn't because she couldn't freaking talk.

"Emma." Ashley said softly, "Let's try it again, can you say _Em?_ Try it." She did, it came out as _"Eur"_ She nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"Good, very good." _Oh shut up._ Emma rolled her eyes. All she wanted was to bash her face in with this stupid wheelchair, but she didn't. Mainly because she physically wasn't able too. "Okay, Emma, our session is over, very good." She wrote something down, "We made great progress." _We didn't make any, but okay_. Elsa came in after Ashley said she was ready to go and they wheeled her out. Elsa helped her into the car.

"I suggested it." She said, "He knew you'd hate it, but...I couldn't let you have that debt. So, I suggested it, he protested." Emma glared at her, "We fought...he finally did it. Don't be mad at him okay?" She looked at Emma, who kept glaring. How did it even work? They know they check that, right?

"Uh…" Elsa shifted uncomfortable, "We were going to bring it up...over dinner, but you know, city hall isn't that far away…" Emma slammed her hand down. Hard. Hell no, no. Out of the question. _Not gonna happen._ "It's only temporary...it can be annulled afterwards, he's not happy about it either." She wanted to hurt them. She shook her head, but like that day in the hospital when they offered to take her in, she couldn't protest, it was already settled.

"He's a total romantic, if he wanted to marry a woman, this is _not_ how he wanted to do it." Elsa said softly, _shut uuuup_. Emma leaned her head back, she was so mad she couldn't think. She can't marry him, what part of _just friends_ did he not understand? She wanted to scream.

"Oh...you're pissed." She said softly, "Nothing has to change, it's just a piece of paper." _That's not the point._

"Do you want to stop talking about it?" She asked, Emma nodded. "Okay, well you should know, it's scheduled for Tuesday." She slammed her hand down again.

* * *

"She knows." He said it as soon as he laid eyes on her. She was undeniably pissed off. She used one arm to wheel herself in the house and past him. "Why did you t-"

"I didn't mean too" They spoke in a hushed whisper, "The woman there kept calling her Mrs. Jones. I didn't have a choice."

"It's not eve-"  
"I know." Elsa whispered, "Talk to her."

"Yeah, okay." He said running a hand through his hair. He walked over to where she sat, trying to get herself on the couch. He reached for her, she slapped him away. "Let me help you-" She smacked his hand away and he lifted her up and onto the couch. Now she just looked fed up with everything. She grabbed a pillow and screamed into it. "Hey you're getting better at that." He said, she glared at him. "It think the therapy helped." She but her hand to keep from biting him. He sat next to her, and she used every ounce of strength she had in her body to move as far away from him as possible. He sighed.

"Emma, I'm sorry." He said, "Can't we talk about it?" She gave him a _What-the-fuck-did-you-just-say-to-me?_ Look and he rethought his words, "Okay, I'll talk, you listen." She folded her arms over her chest and glared. "I did it to help you." He said softly, "You have to believe me, Emma, Ruby even said you can't afford it. I can, let me do this for you. I know it's not an ideal situation, but, maybe we're onto something?" No. Emma shook her head, this is not happening. She wanted to go home, she wanted to sleep in her bed, she wanted to be able to bathe herself, and feed herself, she wanted to be able to talk and walk without help, she definitely did not want to marry him. She slammed her hand down on the coffee table and didn't stop her tears from flowing. As soon as she was better, as soon as this was over, she was getting this marriage annulled and she was getting the hell out of Storybrooke. He looked at her, pity, awesome, that's what she needed right now.

* * *

Tuesday came and Ruby and Mary Margaret were over, teasing.

"Skipping a few steps, aren't you?" Ruby asked as she brushed Emma's hair, she rolled her eyes. Mary Margaret giggled as she pulled a dress out of her bag, "What do you think?" She asked as she beamed. "I mean, it's not necessarily...a wedding dress, but-"  
"It's not a wedding. It's a date at city hall." Ruby said, "Besides, she could wear jeans and no one would care."

"Well, I want pictures." Mary Margaret beamed. Emma slammed her hand down twice. That means no. "Aw. Come on, you only get married once." Emma slammed her hand down again, angry, _again,_ that mood seemed constant. Mary Margaret jumped.

"Okay, okay." She said soothingly, "What do you need?" Emma slumped and pointed, the scissors on the dresser, she moved her index finger over her throat.

"I am not slitting your throat." Mary Margaret said softly, "We'll be right outside the whole time."

"Hey, if you wanna run, I'll drive." Ruby said, "Oh, we should do one of those over the shoulder things." She was playing with Emma's hair, "Sexyyyy."

Elsa walked in, black dress, looked like she was ready for a funeral.

"Are we ready?" She asked, a little too excited. "Oh, pretty." Smoothed her hand over the dress Mary Margaret brought over. "Smells almost like a real wedding."

"Emma, you're going to look so gorgeous" Anna gushed as she walked in. She clasped her hands together, "Whenever you're ready." Emma rolled her eyes.

"I saw that, Swan." Ruby said, "Can't hide from me." They started helping her get into that dress. A long white satin dress, with a heart shaped neckline. It was simple, nothing special. She still hated it. She hated all of this.

"Remember Emma, it's just a piece of paper." Elsa said softly, "It means nothing." _It meant everything._

* * *

She was surprised the dress wasn't getting caught in her wheelchair. They took the elevator for obvious reasons. Elsa, Mary Margaret, and Ruby, stood outside in the hall to wait until they were done because Emma did not want an audience for this. She didn't try to make it look like she wanted to be here, didn't try to look excited. She wasn't. This wasn't okay. When they got in there they showed the man doing the "Ceremony" her medical records to clarify that she couldn't talk. So they skipped the vows.

"Rings?" He asked

"Don't have any." Killian said softly, she looked absolutely miserable and he hated himself for doing this to her. The man nodded, and grabbed the papers.

"Sign these." He said.

"She can't...uh.." He sighed, he ended up signing both of them. She wanted to go home. Like, yesterday. After an awkward kiss on the cheek they were pronounced husband and wife and she wanted to throw herself down the stairs.

"Is it done?" Mary Margaret asked, she was way too happy. Really.

"Yes."

"Yay!"

"Mm. Not yay." Ruby said, Emma had gotten away from them, beating the button on the elevator until it dinged. "Emma! Wait!"

* * *

A month, a whole month later. She was starting to get some of the strength in her legs back, she could walk up and down stairs now, she couldn't talk still, but she could write. That was something. She was working on the speaking part.

"Are you hungry?" Killian asked, they hadn't talked about it, it was almost like it never happened, didn't change the fact they got freaking married. She shook her head as she watched the television. He nodded. "You sure?" She nodded, "Alright." He hadn't left her alone at home since the night she fell down the stairs. He always made sure Elsa or himself was there. She went home one night because she needed more clothes and he stayed with her there, allowing her to sleep in her bed for one night at least and she seemed to not hate him as much after that. He kept his distance though. She seemed so much better now, she wasn't angry as much and seemed to glow when Graham came over with case files for her to look at. No street work though, not for a while.

"Can you watch a movie without analyzing it for once?" Elsa asked as she sat between them, a bowl of popcorn in her lap. Emma wasn't paying attention, didn't even know what they were watching, but apparently he was pointing out the lighting and the angles. Just trying to get on Elsa's nerves.  
"It's a habit." He smiled and Emma smiled too, she found it kind of cute, the way he did it without meaning too. They had good days like this, where she wasn't fighting with them, or hitting anyone, or inaudibly screaming at anyone. But then there were nights where she'd wake up, completely uncontrollable and he'd have to call Mary Margaret or Ruby to come calm her down, or he'd have to read her back to sleep. Reading her to sleep was nice, he could do it and she'd curl into him. It was the closest she allowed herself to get lately.

"Seriously, it gets annoying dude." She said softly as she plopped some popcorn in her mouth, "I don't want to know the filmography Mr. Professor."

"Haha." he said, "You should know, it's a good thing to know" he winked at her.

"Suuurre" Elsa said as she watched the movie, "Okay, what was that?"

"What?"

"Oh, you don't know"

"I wasn't paying attention, Lass." He said looking at the screen, "You can't do that."

"Mmm, excuses."

"How dare you."

"Maybe you should pay attention." Elsa said.

After the movie, he found Emma asleep on the couch and smiled because she looked really cute. Elsa wanted to cover her with a blanket, but he stopped her, gently picking Emma up. Elsa made a comment like "She's your wife." Earning an amused glare. He gently carried her up the stairs and tucked her into bed. He brushed the hair out of her face. He's going to miss her when she's better and back at her own apartment...and their marriage was annulled.

* * *

The next night wasn't as good as the last few, there were arguing, loud yelling. Anna wanted to go on vacation with Kris, said they needed it, but Elsa and Killian needed them here. They needed to help with the kids and Emma. Emma, Emma, Emma. She felt like the biggest burden, like she was back in a foster home, she marched into the living room, did her best to get their attention, slamming her hand down on the table, but to no avail. She huffed, angry again, that mood again. She breathed in and tried to scream, the only thing coming out was a soft whine. She tried again, this time attempting to form words.

"SHUT UP!" She screamed, well, sort of screamed. Her voice was so hoarse she didn't recognize it, but it was loud enough to catch their attention.  
"Emma." Killian smiled, "You…"

"Shut...up…" she said it again and then stormed off.

* * *

A/N: Hm. I had no plans going in for this chapter. I hope it wasn't...too bad. Thanks for reading. :)

*For those who don't know*

 _(Annulment is a legal procedure which cancels a marriage between a man and a woman. Annulling a marriage is as though it is_ _completely erased_ _\- legally, it declares that the marriage_ _never technically existed and was never valid.)_


	13. Chapter 13

She was packing a bag while everyone was gone, Anna and Kris were asleep considering it was early in the morning and Emma usually didn't get up until ten. It was five thirty right now, Elsa and Killian were already gone. She packed quickly, her arm hurting because of the weight, she can walk home, get her car, go the courthouse, get the annulment papers and be gone before anyone notices. She knew better than to make a home out of this place, to get close to people. She knew early on it wasn't permanent. Now she was _married_. That was too much. She closed the door, bag slung over her shoulder, quietly, the door barely making any noise. The thing about growing up stealing and running away, she learned how to move without making a sound. She peered into Anna's room to make sure they weren't waking and then went down the stairs with so much ease, they hardly creaked. The baby monitor went off, a screaming infant. _Thanks kid._ She opened the front door silently and disappeared into the cold winter air without a sound.

* * *

Anna stirred, the baby was screaming, Stella was asleep, Emma was asleep. Kris stirred beside her, saying something in his sleep she couldn't make out. She got up quickly and went down stairs, the nursery door was open a crack. She yawned.

"Lydia, it is too early for this…" She muttered sleepily as she picked the baby up. She knew this cry, she was hungry. She went into the kitchen and heated up a bottle. She instantly calmed down when she fed her, soothing her the whole time. She hummed the lullaby Elsa always sings to her that put her right back to sleep. She yawned again as she walked around the house, gently rocking the infant, who was slowly being lulled back to sleep and when she was finally sleeping. Anna put her back in the crib and went upstairs to check on Emma.

"Em." Anna said softly, "You awake?" She pushed the door open, "I am. Lydia was freaking out, oh, do you like pancakes? Of course you do, everyone likes pancakes." She was talking to herself, the bed was neatly made, Emma was not in it. Her stomach twisted, "Emma?" She looked around hoping to find the blondie in the corner getting dressed or something, but she wasn't. She went and checked the other rooms upstairs but she wasn't in them, she checked the bathroom, nope. Now she was freaking out. She went back into her room.

"Kris!" She squeaked, "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" She shook him violently. He awoke with a start, freaking because he knew something was wrong and Anna was talking fast, so fast he couldn't understand her.

"Okay. What the hell is wrong?" He gripped her shoulders, "Anna!"

"EMMA IS GONE!" She screamed, "I looked everywhere!"

"What do you mean she's gone?"

"She's not here!" Anna jumped off the bed, she pulled at her hair. "Killian is going to _kill_ us."

"Anna, it's okay, maybe she went...uh...to Granny's?"

"She's not supposed to leave!" She shouted

"Maybe Killian will understand?"

"NO" She shouted as she paced, "No, no he won't. Oh, what if she's hurt? Or dead? Oooohh my godddd."

"Anna, calm down!" He yelled as she jumped out of bed

"No one in the history of calming down has ever calmed down, by being told to calm down!" She screamed, "Killian's going to kill us, or kick us out, or...or. Oh man…"

"Why would he kick us out, we did nothing wrong!"

"WE LET HER LEAVE!"

"NOT OUR FAULT"

"THEY'RE MEANT TO BE AND SHE'S GOOONNEE!" She ran out of the room, looked behind couches, under tables, screaming for Emma, to no avail, she was gone.

"What are you doing?" She asked as Kris came down the stairs, phone in hand.

"Calling Killian?"

"No, no. Don't do that!" She shrieked, grabbing his phone, "He's not in town."  
"Where the hell is he?"

"He took his students to some...exhibit in Portland, that's why he left so early. You can't call him. He'll flip out."

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know!" She ran a hand through her mess of hair, and thought, they can't leave to look for her, what would they do with the kids. "Okay...maybe she'll come back. Maybe she just went...to get something to eat. Let's face it, I can't cook."

"Yeah."

" _Thanks_." She said, "We'll play it cool, if she's not back by...uh...ten, we'll call someone. We'll call Elsa."

"Elsa?"

"Yeah."

"You really want to freak out your sister?"

"She's the level headed one!" She shouted and flopped down on the couch.

"Why don't we call Emma."

"GREAT IDEA" She said jumping up and dialing her phone number, went straight to voicemail. "Nothing." Anna said, she left a message. Something along the lines of "Please tell me you're not dead." And left it at that.

* * *

It actually wasn't too difficult to get the papers, she filed under "lack of consent" and the judge went with it. Since, you know, she couldn't vocally protest, she couldn't say yes or no. Also, she never signed the marriage license because she couldn't write. She signed them in the parking lot, in her car, and put them under the white box. It had been gathering dust, since she was leaving she should at least give it to him. She couldn't go back to his place, considering Anna knew she was gone by now. Also, he was in Portland so his classroom was empty, she just had to avoid anyone she might know.

She didn't know when he'd be back, but it was eight a.m. now and she needed to hurry before classes actually started. The hallways were full as she walked down the elementary side, a bad decision on her part.

"Emma?" Mary Margaret came out of her classroom, curiosity on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just dropping something off for Killian."

"He's not here right now."

"I know...he'll get it when he gets back." She said. Mary Margaret smiled.

"You're such a good wifey." She joked, "You could leave it with me."

"No, I really think...it's not-"

"Say no more, I understand. Well, his room should be unlocked, just go in, but be quick. I don't want Leroy to interrogate you." Emma nodded and then without thinking, she pulled her into a hug, a long hug.

"Emma is something wrong?" She asked

"No, I'm just really glad to have you...as a friend. You've been so good to me." She said softly and then broke away, "Bye."

"Bye." Her curiosity was replaced with concern, but she needed to get to work so she smiled softly and waved as she turned into her classroom and closed the door. Emma exhaled a shaky breath and walked quickly. She wrapped her hand around the doorknob of his classroom, her arm hurt and it was more difficult than she thought. Someone walked beside her.

"Excuse me." She said softly, her brown hair was tied back, "Need a hand?" She asked, she had to be at least sixteen. "Mr. Jones isn't here right now."

"I know." Emma said softly, as she swung the door open, "he's in Portland."

"Yeah, I was supposed to go but…"

"Sorry kid." Emma shrugged, "Well, will you make sure he gets this when he gets back?" She held up the orange packet the papers were in and tucked them under the glass carousel as she gently placed them on his desk. It was cleaner than usual.

"Are you...Emma?" She asked softly

"Yeah."

"He likes you." She smiled and Emma sighed, he won't after this.

"I know." Emma said softly, the thought made her sad, the thought of him hating her, almost enough to make her want to stay. But she couldn't.

"I'm Vanessa." She said with a soft smile.

"Yeah. Hey." Emma said softly as she took a sticky note and wrote something on it, she wrote _sorry_ and left it at that.

"Why are you sorry?" Vanessa asked, "Dude, are you leaving?" She followed Emma out the door. "You can't leave!"

"Sorry, Kid, it's really not your concern." She said as she all but ran down the hallway.

"You'll destroy him!"

She knows and it killed her.

* * *

"When did she leave?" Elsa asked softly, calmly.

"Must have been right before I woke up to take care of Lydia." Anna said, Elsa nodded.

"Did you tell anyone else?" they shook their heads and Elsa sighed.

"Okay." She breathed as she rocked the baby, "this is...well, this is bad. She hasn't been cleared to drive. She just got her voice back, she has another week of physical therapy. Did she take any of her medication?" Kris got up and searched the medicine cabinet.

"Yes!" he shouted from the bathroom.

"Did you find a note anywhere?"

"No." Anna said softly, she was almost in tears, "Oh god what if she crashes?"

"She couldn't have gone far. Let's go to her apartment and check. I'm going to call Graham, he'll know how to track her down." Elsa pulled her phone out, she was completely calm, it boggled Anna's mind how she could be so collected in a crisis like this. She spoke to Graham quietly, he was over five minutes later. Anna and Kris stayed home with the kids, Stella would be up soon.

Emma's apartment wasn't empty, that was a good sign, however, most of her clothes was gone. Which wasn't such a good sign.

"This woman spent her whole life running, she knows how to do it." Graham said looking around, "the thing is, she never had someone look for her either."

"Oh Emma, what did you do?" Elsa said softly, all she wanted was to call Killian and tell him, but he'd want to cut the trip short and hightail it back here, she couldn't have him do that.

"I knew the second you guys forced her into that marriage-"

"We did not force her."

"You kind of did. It doesn't matter now, what matters is finding her and bringing her back." He said, "She's been in prison, her name is in the database."

" _Prison?_ "

"Yeah. Long story, I don't even know it. Let's just go, there's nothing here for us."

* * *

Graham searched the database, getting a hold of old medical records, old foster families (and there were a lot), and every place she had ever been. He pinned a map up to the wall of the station and pinpointed every place she's been (that they knew of).

"She never goes to the same place twice. Tallahassee was the longest she's ever lived somewhere."

"What was in Tallahassee?"

"I don't know. Good weather?"

"I doubt that'd be enough for her." Elsa flipped through the medical records, she had obvious signs of abuse from early on. There was a picture of a little twelve year old Emma, her face bruised and she looked so sad. She could never know Elsa got a hold of these. She'd flip. Her heart stopped.

"Graham…" She said softly.

"What is it?"

"She...had a baby in prison when she was seventeen?"

" _What_?" He asked as he walked over, "That can't be right, she never mentioned having a kid."

"She gave it up. It was a closed adoption. Do you think, she went to find it?"

"No." He said quickly, "we shouldn't be looking at these. They won't help us find her." He took the files and threw them in a bin. "She's lived in Boston, Florida, Oregon, Cleveland…" He went through other places before stopping at one. "God, Emma, why the hell do you do these reckless things?" he ran a hand through his hair.

* * *

It was difficult to drive with a bum arm and a headache, the pain pills didn't help. She was very cautious as she turned down the streets. Emma had no idea what she would do when she got to New York, considering she was broke. She's lived in her car before, she could do it again. She sighed and tried not to think about him, but he was in her head and under her skin and she needed to dig him out before she turned the car around.

New York was busy, it always was. Her phone had been blowing up, she sent a text to Anna, "I'm alive." and then she threw her phone in a bin and kept walking. She was hungry so she got something from a hot dog stand and sat, watching people pass by while she sat on a bench. Emma felt insanely guilty, she never felt this bad about leaving some place before. Too many connections, it was time to go, before she got too attached again. _Best to leave them before they can leave you._ She stood when she saw someone in a black hoodie circle around her car, which was parked on the other side of the street. He was trying to get the door open.

"HEY!" She shouted and he looked over, she took off towards him and he ran, so she chased him. Down a street, an alley, throwing her food on the ground as she went, her legs threatening to give out on her. "Hey!" She shouted as she grabbed his hoodie and threw him down on the ground along with her. His hood fell. Her heart stopped.

"Neal?" She questioned as he stood slowly, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"I knew it was you" he said, "Emma." He held his hand out to help her up, she took it.

"What…"

"I live here."

"You…" She stuttered, "You threw me in prison" she shoved him and he stumbled back.

"I did what was best for you."  
"Yeah okay." She said, "Sure you did." She walked away and he grabbed her arm. She tore it away.

"Emma. Let me explain."

"No."

"Please." He said softly and he ran a hand through her hair, the last time she saw him he gave her this speech about the life they were going to have, and then left her to take the blame for something he did. She didn't want to listen. "My apartment isn't far from here." He said, "I'm not letting you live in your car. I saw it, it's packed. Who are you running from?" She didn't answer.

"I…" She didn't know what to say, just nodded.

* * *

He lived in a one bedroom studio apartment, it was small, but comfortable. She looked around, he had a picture of them together on a bookshelf.

"So, where have you been all these years?" He asked picking at some instant ramen. She shrugged.

"Around."

"So descriptive."

"You know me."

"I do." Neal said softly, "I've been thinking about you a lot...ever since…" he trailed off. He shrugged, "You know none of that matters now."

"You threw me in prison."

"Emma."

"Anonymous tip, my ass. They might as well have just said, Neal."

"I did what was best for you."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Emma." He said getting up and crossing the room to her, "I'm so sorry for what I did to you...but it was so long ago, can't we just-"  
"What? Pick up where we left off?" She said softly. He smiled at her. Not saying a word, he kissed her, lips colliding with hers and she shoved him. "I'm married." She said it quickly, completely on accident, the words tumbled out of her mouth without warning and his face, good god his face. He looked broken.

"Emma." He said softly, "What?"  
"Yeah."

"Looks like it's working, did he come with you? You gonna live in your car together?"

"Neal."

"Emma, did he hurt you? Is that why you ran? Tell me."

"No. It wasn't like that." She said softly, "He was good to me."

"Then why…"

"Reasons, Neal." She snapped.

"Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

* * *

"Oh my god…" Mary Margaret said softly as she ran a hand through her hair, "I knew something was wrong…"

"You saw her?" Graham asked as he straightened, "When?"

"This morning."

"Where?" He asked

"She was dropping something off in Killian's classroom. A box and an orange packet. She was in a hurry."

"Do you know where she could have gone? After that, where she may have headed?" Graham asked. Mary Margaret shook her head. Ruby rubbed her back, she was about to start crying, hormones and everything.

"Neal." Ruby said softly, "The bastard who threw her in prison. You find him, you find her. I just know it."

"Does he have a last name?"

"Cassidy. Neal Cassidy." Ruby said softly, "Emma told me a while ago. She was trashed, I doubt she even remembers it. He's the father of the baby she gave up eight years ago."

Back at the station, he ran a background check with David, finding a Neal who was registered at an apartment in New York. He was up for eviction, been given several notices and was about to be booted, apparently he wasn't good at paying his bills on time.

"Okay, let's go find Emma."

* * *

"Just answer the question!" Neal said throwing his arms up, "Do you love him or not!?"

"I…" She sighed, putting her head in her hands. She didn't know.

"Emma." Neal said softly, "if you didn't love him, why the hell did you marry him?"

"I didn't have a choice!" She shouted.

"He forced you!?"

"He didn't have a choice either."  
"I don't understand. Do explain, Emma." Neal crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. She sighed and went into everything that happened, the accident, the not being able to talk, everything, the way he read to her, his stupid face, his gentleness.

"Hm. Sounds like a nice guy, except for the fact he _forced you to marry him_." He said, "I'd never do that to you. Did you protest, besides the...unable to speak thing, did you protest?"

"Yes."

"And they made you do it?"

"It was the only way…"  
"Emma. That's not okay." He said as he got up, "They weren't taking your feelings into consideration."

"Were you?" She asked

"What?"

"When you left me...were you taking my feelings into consideration?" She asked. She waited for an answer.

"That's not fair." He said, "I...was doing what was best for you."

"Stop saying that."

"No, it's the truth Emma, I love you, I was trying to protect you." He opened the fridge, taking a soda out and cracking open the can. "You have to believe that, you're still wearing the keychain I gave you."

"You know why?" She asked as her hand closed around it, "It's too remind me never to trust another person again. You fucked me up so bad, I can't even think about getting into another relationship…"

"So you got married?"

"You know that wasn't my choice."

"Yeah. But Emma, the way you described him to me, I think you have feelings for him and that's why _you_ ran."

"Neal."

"Hey, we may not have anything anymore, despite the fact, I'm still one hundred percent in love with you. But, if there's something there for you with this guy, you need to turn your stolen car around and go back."

"I can't."

" _He_ didn't leave, _you_ left." Neal said taking a drink, "I get it, leave them before they leave you, right? That's how it goes. Emma, he married _you_ , he waited for _you_ , he took _you_ in. You may not be able to trust the same way you used to because of me. Maybe he can help you with that."

"Why are you trying to convince me to go back?" She asked. He shrugged.

"Maybe because your eyes lit up like they used to for me while you were talking about him." He smiled, "Go home, Emma Swan."

* * *

A/N: Neal Cassidy #1 CaptainSwan shipper.


	14. Chapter 14

"Honey, I need you to stay here." David said softly, "Okay? Just...stay here." She was firm, raising an eyebrow, whatever he told her, she wasn't listening. Come hell or high water, she was going and it was final. Graham sighed.

"The longer we wait, the farther she's going to go." He said, "So whoever is coming on this manhunt, get in the car or stay here." They were in Killian's house, reassuring Anna, so she'd stop freaking out. Elsa was comforting her daughter, who was crying because Emma didn't say goodbye again and this time she might be gone forever, just like her dad.

"Let her go." Elsa said, "She's her best friend, she should be there to drag her back."

"It's six...Killian should be back by now." Kris looked at his watch and sighed, "what did she leave in his classroom?"

"An orange packet." Mary Margaret said softly and then her face went white, "Annulment papers." she said, "Oh dammit."

"NOOOOOOO!" Anna's agonizing shriek came from the kitchen, "Emma Whhhhhhyyyyy?"

"Anna please stop screaming!" Elsa shouted.

"I can't!"

"Why!?"  
"It's true love!" Elsa rolled her eyes, something she picked up from Emma, "She's crueeeelll."

"Anna we knew she'd do it. He's okay with-"

"I'm not okay with it. Does Emma look like a big white wedding type of girl? No, city hall is as good as it's gonna get!" She sounded utterly heartbroken, "I want them together, dammit."

"Fix Anna." Elsa said softly and off Kris went.

"Who's going, who's staying?" Graham said, "Let's gooo." The door crashed open and Killian walked in. He looked pretty mad.

"Where is Emma?" He asked, way too calmly.

"New York." Mary Margaret squeaked, "We're go-"

"Don't go get her." He said as he walked down the hall. Elsa followed quickly.

"Killian." She said softly, "Uh…" he set something down on the desk beside his computer and sat down. "How was your day?"

"Fantastic." He said as he ran a hand over his face. "Until I came home to house full of people, a police cruiser in my driveway, and a woman no one seems to be able to locate."

"Where are the-"

"Signed and turned in."

"Oh."

"Marriage erased, it's what she would have wanted." He said softly and then groaned, "I knew this would happen, as soon as she got better, she was leaving."

"What's in the box?"

"A glass carousel." He said with a laugh, "She must find this hilarious."

"No…"

"Why else would she leave it for me to find, after she's gone?" He asked.

"Maybe she bought it...a while ago…"

"I doubt it." He said softly.

"We can go get her." Elsa whispered, "We can go right now, we know where she is. Or we think we know, Graham seems pretty convinced."

"With Neal?"

"Yeah"

"She went back to her first love."

"That's not what it is."

"Can you look me in the face and say that?" He asked, he rubbed his eyes. She saw it, she saw the tears and she felt her heart squeeze. "I knew better than to chase her..."

"Killian…"

* * *

Emma sighed, she sat in Neal's apartment, he stared at her and she stared at him.

"Did he give that to you?" He asked motioning at the book in her hands. She nodded. "Never knew you to be a reader."

"He's trying to fix that." She said softly, "Besides, this is pretty good."

"Emma, are you going to go yet?"

"I...haven't decided."

"So, you're just gonna wait until he kicks the door in and drags your ass home?"

"He wouldn't."

"How do you know?" He asked, "once he finds those annulment papers on his desk, he'll hunt you down."

"This isn't some romantic movie."

"No, if it were you'd go to him, it'd be raining, he'd kiss you and boom, happy ending. No, you're being stubborn and won't go to him." Neal folded his arms over his chest and then sighed, "Let me see that." He took the book from her, knocking something out of it. "Hey." He picked it up, a small green piece of paper, folded neatly into a triangle. It had been tucked in the binding and fell out when Neal grabbed it. He unfolded it. " _There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice_." He read softly, "And there's a date." He showed it to her, it was definitely Killian's handwriting. The date was the day he found her in the library, the day he so sneakily gave her his number, hidden inside the book he gave her. She thought back. That day, the book she was holding, was The Great Gatsby. She smiled at the memory.

"That sneaky bastard." She whispered running her thumb over the piece of paper.

"Emma, seriously." Neal said, " _Go_." She smiled and stuck the paper back in the book. She threw her arms around his neck. For some reason, all they anger she held for him was gone. He was different now, he'd grown.

"Thank you." She whispered, "Don't be a stranger."

"I'll keep in touch." He shouted over his shoulder as she bolted out the door.

* * *

There was no consoling him, because now he was yelling. It was like that day he found Emma on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Only difference was, he had no idea who to be mad at. Himself? Emma?

"How can someone do that!?" He shouted as he paced, "How can someone just claw their way inside and then leave like none of it mattered!?"

"I don't know." Elsa said softly from her spot on the couch, everyone else was silent.

"How are you not pissed?" He gestured at Mary Margaret, who was holding her son close, "She's your best friend and she just _left_!" He yelled, "She's infuriating! I opened up to her, I bared my soul and she said no!"

"I know." Elsa whispered.

"I was okay with it! I was fine, I was good." He yelled, "aaand she ruined me."

"That's not true."

"YOU RUINED ME, EMMA SWAN!" He shouted and Elsa jumped. She looked at the door, she hoped and she prayed Emma comes through it, but she didn't. Elsa sighed, he'll wake the baby if he didn't stop. She couldn't blame him for being upset.

"Killian…" Elsa said softly, "You still have a chance."

"She's just scared." Mary Margaret said softly.

"She's scared. She's scared? I'm scared, the last woman I was with is _dead_! Emma almost died! This is life. Can you people just go, please?" Elsa got up and began quietly ushering people out the door. She spoke quietly to them, telling them she'd call later when things cooled down. She took Stella to her room while Killian sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He was drinking, something he did to numb the pain. Elsa sat next to him.

"Killian, I'm so sorry this happened." She said softly, "but she'll come back, I know it."

"You don't"

"The way she looks at you...I think she will, hell she's probably on her way right now." Elsa said, "Just, give it some time."

"I messed up."

"It was both of us."

"Yeah." He nodded, "Yeah." Elsa put her hand on his back and got up, she went upstairs.

* * *

The house was lit up as Emma drove towards it. She slowly pulled into the driveway and walked onto the porch she saw in the window, Elsa was sitting with him, he looked like a complete wreck and she did that to him. She wrapped her hand around the doorknob, watching as Elsa got up and left. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Killian." Emma said softly.

* * *

A/N: No regrets. Go ahead, scold me.


	15. Chapter 15

"You…" he got up slowly, god he looked like hell. "You…"

"I'm sorry…" She whispered, "I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you." He said softly, but he made no move to get any closer to her. He just stood far from her. He probably thought he was imagining it. "Never."

"Okay…" She said softly and she tried not to cry because she could see it, she broke him. She knew she would, why she had no intention of coming back, she didn't want to see what her reckless decision did to him. She stepped forward. He stepped back.

"You should...go…" He said, "Swan."

"Killian."

"You're so afraid of people leaving you. So afraid I'm going to somehow hurt you, that you have to run as soon as you start to feel something. So, I'm telling you to go."

"I don't wan-"  
"Go, Swan!" He yelled, "Leave!" She jumped

"I don't want to leave…"

"Get out! Now!" He all but screamed it, he was angry, she broke him. She set the book down on the end table by the door, where his car keys sat, and with tears streaming down her face, she ran out the door.

* * *

She beat on the door until someone finally opened it, Mary Margaret's face was laced with concern. "Emma oh my god." She said softly, "Oh...what is it?" She grabbed her shoulders, "Emma talk to me."

"What is it?" David was there in an instant. Behind his wife, wearing his dad face, and Emma, Emma was standing there crying, trying to talk, trying to tell them, trying to _breathe_.

"I...went…" She choked, "I tried...he doesn't...he doesn't want me…" She cried and Mary Margaret pulled her in a tight embrace. She smoothed her hair.

"You don't know that, he's just upset." She said softly as she pulled her inside. She steered her towards the couch.

"I messed it up." She said softly.

"Maybe" Mary Margaret said softly, "But it can be fixed."

"No, you didn't see his face." Emma put her head in her hands, "You didn't…"

"Want some cocoa and cinnamon?"

"No."

"Yeah you do." She said as she got up, David was sitting on the other side of her, his hand on her back. He sighed.

"You really love him, don't you?" He asked softly, she nodded without even thinking.

"You know what I always say." Mary Margaret said as she came around with a mug of steaming liquid in her hand, "If you love someone and they love you." She handed it to her, "They will always find you." She sat next to Emma, hugging her again. "He'll come around."

"Stop with the cheesy romantics" Emma sniffled, "You know I hate that." Mary Margaret smiled as she brushed a piece of hair from Emma's face.

"You know, I hated David when we first met, I thought he was just some arrogant, overconfident, ass."

"Hit me in the face with a rock" he said, smiling at the memory, "Ever wonder where this scar came from?" He pointed at his forehead.

"Oh please it was just a scratch" she smiled

"I had to get stitches."

"You loved it." She said, "Now look at us, happily married with a son and another on the way."

"It's a boy?" Emma asked softly

"Yeah." Mary Margaret whispered, "found out this morning. I was going to tell you when I saw you, but you were in a hurry."

"Congratulations." Emma whispered. Mary Margaret smiled.

"Killian is going to come in any time and sweep you off your feet, just you wait."

"Okay."

* * *

He sighed as soon as the door shut behind her, his anger died down and all that was left was sadness. Why the hell did he do that? He was half tempted to chase after her, but she wouldn't want to talk to him now. He walked over to the stand where she left the book and picked it up. The green paper he slipped in there the day at the library fell out. He picked it up. " _There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice._ " He ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip.

"You're a fool." Elsa said as she walked down the stairs. "A damn fool."

"Elsa, I don't want to hear it."

"Well you're going too." Anna walked down the stairs behind her, "She came back for you. And you sent her away."

"She shouldn't have left in the bloody first place." He snapped, "If she would have just stayed, if she would have talked to me all of this…"

"Emma Swan is not the talking type. She uses actions, not words."

"You telling her you won't leave, it's not enough, that little voice inside her head is always going to tell her otherwise. You have to show her she doesn't have to be afraid of waking up without you one day." Elsa said, they were standing in front of him, arms folded over their chests. Couldn't look any more like sisters if they tried. He ran a hand through his hair, looking at that stupid green piece of paper.

"Go to her." Anna shoved him towards the door, "Please."

"Seriously." Elsa said, shoving him too, "Don't drive." She said and they both shoved him, pushing him out the door and onto the dark porch.

"IT'S TRUE LOVE!" Anna shouted into the night as he walked off, which made him laugh. She really liked shouting that.

* * *

He knocked on her apartment door and when it swung open, he realized she wasn't home. His stomach dropped, did she leave? Did she skip town again? Is she with Neal?

"She's not here." Ruby said from the doorway, he turned around, "here to yell at her some more?"

"No."

"I know where she is." Ruby said, "But I will only take you to her if you answer this question."  
"Okay."

"Are you going to finally, finally, confess your undying love for her and not take no for an answer?" She asked, "I told you last time, you gotta demand it."

"Yes," He said slowly and smiled, "I am." Ruby smirked.

"Let's go Romeo." She winked, "Something tells me she's waiting." He followed her out the door and to her car. She sped down the road and to Mary Margaret's apartment, he threw open the car door and ran off. "I'm so going to be maid of honor." She said walking after him.

* * *

Emma sipped her cocoa, her heart doing a little flutter as her eyes flicked to the door. She felt something. There was a knock and Mary Margaret opened it, she couldn't see who it was.

"If you're here to yell at her, I'm not letting you in." She said softly.

"I'm not." Killian said, "Swan." She straightened, "Swan...come to me." Mary Margaret stepped back from the door and went to stand beside David, Ruby got her phone out and had it ready.

"What?" Emma asked as she walked over, "Please do-"

"I don't want to be your friend." He said. Her heart sank.

"Oh." She stepped back and he grabbed her wrist.

"I don't want to be your friend." He said it again, and tugged, she yelped, and their lips collided. Ruby snapped a picture, the flash going off. She gave a little squeal.

"Girl that's going on my insta!" Ruby squeaked.

"Well it's about time." Mary Margaret folded her arms over her chest, her head on her husband's shoulder.

"Okay. That's enough." David said over the commotion, the kiss broke.

"That was…" he breathed. She smiled.

"Worth the wait." Emma whispered.

* * *

A/N: WELL IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME

Sorry. I got excited. Also, if you have any suggestions for what happens next, let me knoooowwww. (I'm neglecting all my other stories but I don't mind if you don't).


	16. Chapter 16

_She opened her eyes only to see smoke, the smell of gas burning her nostrils, her ears ringing, people screaming. Emma rolled onto her back, the blue sky all she could see through the shroud of smoke. It didn't register, it wasn't processing, what was happening? What was that dripping noise? Blood? She stood, slowly, her whole body screaming at her not to move but she had to. She had to._

* * *

 _Six months before…_

"You should move in." It came out quietly and she looked at him like he was insane. They were sitting on his couch, her head on his shoulder, as they watched a movie.

"I technically already live with you." Emma said softly, it was true, she never went home anymore, maybe once every few weeks. Killian shrugged.

"All the more reason to make it official."

"Uh…"

"Freaking you out was not my intention."

"I'm not freaking out."  
"You're freaking out."

"Am not." She said.

"Then say something. Yes would be fantastic." He said as he kissed the top of her head and laced his fingers with hers. She sighed.

"What if we get in like a huge fight and you kick me out?"

"Never."

"Okay but, what if?"

"What if scenarios are toxic, Emma." He said, "You should try not to use them."

"You should shut up and watch the movie."

"You are not a nice person."

"Yeah well, you still like me. Sooo."

"Yes, I like you so much I'm willing to put up with your inability to use coasters."

"Hey, Anna doesn't use coasters either."

"Anna is a child" he said and they heard footsteps running down the stairs. Anna threw something at him.

"I am twenty-two years old!" She shouted.

"Did...did you just throw a marshmallow at me?" She threw another one and then took off running.

"Please excuse me," Killian smiled and then went after her. "Anna!" Emma rolled her eyes. Elsa laughed and sat next to Emma, they ignored the squealing and running for now.

"Clockwork Orange? I love this movie" she smiled, "used to watch it all the time."

It was three in the morning when she woke to her phone buzzing on the bedside table. She groaned as she reached for it, checking the Caller I.D. and sighing when she saw it was Ruby.

"It's been ringing for thirty minutes" Killian said, "I was going to answer it but-"

"It's Ruby" Emma said as she debated on answering, "I don't even want to know why she's calling at this time"

"She won't stop until you answer it"

"I'm aware" Emma groaned and then answered it, "She's probably just bored"

"She should be sleeping." Killian whispered as he wrapped his arms around her waist and sighed into her shoulder.

"Emma…" Ruby said softly into the phone and she instantly knew something was wrong, "I'm sorry...I didn't know who else to call."

"Ruby what is it?"

"Uh...I'm like really drunk and...I can't drive." She said softly, "And I...can't find my car so like...could you-" her voice broke and she started to cry, soft sobs. "I really need help"

"Okay. What happened?" Emma sat up, throwing the blanket off her and standing. "Ruby are you okay?"

"No…"

"Emma what's going on?" Killian asked as she quickly got dressed. She threw on her jacket and grabbed her keys.

"I don't know." She said as she thrust the door open and walked out. "Ruby…"

"Hm?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Yeah"

"Do you need an ambulance?"

"No"

"Where are you?"

"Uh…" She thought for a second. Emma climbed in her car and waited for an answer. "The bar that just opened downtown beside Granny's." Emma nodded.

"I'm coming. Stay where you are." She started her car and drove, she stayed on the phone with her, listening to her friend cry. When she pulled up, Ruby was laying on a bench, her eyes red and puffy.

"Hey" Emma said softly, "What happened?" She didn't look like she had any physical injuries but she looked like hell. Ruby shook her head.

"Take me home" she said, swaying on her feet, Emma held her arm as she climbed in the car. It took ten minutes to get to Ruby's apartment. She went in with her, mainly to make sure she got up the stairs okay.

"Will you stay?" She asked quietly and Emma nodded, sitting on the couch next to her. Ruby lay her head in Emma's lap.

"Did someone hurt you?"

"No. Not really."

"What happened?"

"You know how Dorothy was visiting for the day?"

"Yeah" Emma nodded, her fingers in her soft brown hair, trying to be comforting. "What happened, did she not show?"

"She did." She said softly, "But she broke up with me."

"Oh."

"She said we didn't see each other enough, so she travels all the way here just to break up with me. I was so happy to see her, Em. And she…"

"Okay." Emma whispered, "It's okay"

"It's not." Ruby sniffed, "How would you feel if Killian lived somewhere else, claimed he didn't see you enough and then travels all the way to your place, just to break up with you? I don't understand why she did that."

"Sometimes it's better to break up with someone in person?"

"I thought she loved me...but she doesn't."

"Ruby that's not true"

"Then why? It doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't right now."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Ruby asked softly, "Talk about something else"

"Okay...uh." Emma thought for a second, "Killian asked me to move in"

"What'd you say?"

"I didn't really give a definitive answer"

"Why?"

"He got in a marshmallow fight with Anna" Emma shrugged

"What?"

"Long story." She waved it off, "You should get some sleep."

"Will you stay?"

"I don't-"

"Please?" She asked softly, "I don't want to be alone…" Emma sighed and then nodded. She made a bed on the couch and helped Ruby get into bed, she tried to sleep but when she heard Ruby crying quietly in her room she got up and went in. Long story short, she slept next to Ruby that night.

* * *

 _Tree's, they were surrounded by endless amounts of tree's and blood, a lot of blood. Emma leaned against a tree, looking around, trying to process. She pulled her phone from her pocket, it was cracked. Through the commotion she heard someone call out for help far from the other people, she went to it, finding a girl, red hair, wild and unkempt, a blue sweater and white skinny jeans. She was screaming._

 _"Hey…" Emma said softly, "Hey, stop." She didn't stop, maybe it was because of the metal stabbing into her leg, causing blood to pool around her._

* * *

 _Four Months before..._

"Okay but I don't understand how it's _not_ a love story." Emma said as she watched him do the dishes, he glanced at her, waiting for more of an explanation. "I mean…" He smiled.

"See, considering you haven't finished it yet. I can't really explain it to you, now can I?" He said. She sighed.

"I'm working on it"

"Work harder, Swan" he said, "The Great Gatsby _is_ a love story but then again, it's _not_."

"I don't understaaand"

"Reeead it." He said, "Everything is revealed at the end."

"Aren't you a teacher? You're supposed to help people when they're confused."

"You're not confused you're just lazy." She gasped.

"How dare you." She grabbed a bowl from the sink and dumped the water in it on him.

"You did not just do that" he said

"It slipped." She shrugged. "So sorry."

"Sure you are" he said and then sprayed her with water. She gaped, her shirt now soaked

"You jerk"

"Pay back"

"Jeeerrrk."

"Who's a jerk?" Mary Margaret asked as she walked in. "Emma what happened to your shirt?"

"Yeah Emma, what happened to your shirt?" Killian asked innocently. She glared and he laughed.

"You guys are wet, why are you guys wet?"

"I'm surprised David let you out of the house"

"I have another month yet" Mary Margaret laughed, "This kid won't be here for a while." She rubbed her swollen stomach and sighed. Emma walked over to her and steered her towards the living room.

"Did you get everything out of your apartment?" Mary Margaret asked as she sat down.

"Yeah just the stuff I actually needed" She said, "Everything else is in a storage locker"

"Good job"

"Thanks?"

"It's just. You're kind of lazy these days"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Emma asked softly, "Gosh. I am not lazy"

"Okay"

"Okay you procrastinate more than I do"

"I have a human growing in my uterus what's your excuse?" Mary Margaret asked and then she started laughing.

"My best friend has a human growing in her uterus"

"You can't use my excuse as your excuse"

"I can and I will"

"You know...it's been almost a whole year since you got hit by that car?"

"I know"

"Seems like so long ago" Mary Margaret said softly.

"I still don't have full movement in my fingers."

"Give it time"

"How's Ruby?"

"Better. Dorothy actually called the other day."

"Oh"

"She hung up on her"

"It's been two months."

"And the wound is just as fresh." Mary Margaret shrugged, "Anyways, hows living here?"

"Fine"

"Fine?"

"Fine." Emma nodded, "I mean nothing's changed."

Nothing yet.

* * *

A/N: I'm going to apologize in advance for what's about to happen.


	17. Chapter 17

_With every gasp of air there was a flinch. It probably hurt, but what was Emma supposed to do? She stopped screaming long enough to look her in the eyes, blood pouring from her leg and onto the pine needle covered ground. She bit her lip, a shiver going through her. Emma wanted to help, but all she could do was focus on the ringing in her ears._

* * *

 _Two months before…  
~_

Emma walked down the hallway quietly as she went for the stairs, stopping only because of the noise she heard coming from the bathroom. The door was cracked, Emma cautiously peeked, Elsa was standing, shirt unbuttoned, hair undone, flowing in delicate waves down her shoulders, she didn't know if the waves were natural or if they were there because of the constant braid. She didn't know, she never saw it down. Elsa sniffled and looked up, tears soaked her cheeks and she jumped.

"Emma" she said as she wiped quickly, gaining enough composure to come off as fine, if she hadn't witnessed what was happening she would have believed her.

"You okay?"

"Fine" she smiled softly as she buttoned up her shirt and grabbed the hairbrush.

"Sure"

"It's nothing"

"Try again"

"Emma." She whispered, "I'm okay, really." She started her braid, fingers working quickly, expertly, she had it finished within seconds. She brushed past Emma, shoulder bumping into hers.

"El-"

"Don't you have a baby to see?" She asked as she hurried down the stairs, avoided the conversation. Emma sighed, turning as something caught her eye. A diamond sparkling in the florescent light of the bathroom. It was Elsa's wedding ring, sitting abandoned on the sink. Emma went down the stairs slowly, finding Elsa in the kitchen by the fridge, throwing an unfinished plate of toast and eggs in the trashcan. She didn't look up.

"You left your ring on the sink" Emma said softly. She didn't look up, "I wasn't sure if you did it on purpose or not."

"I did it on purpose. I suppose the sink's not the best place for it."

"Yeah...it could get knocked down."

"Yeah." She said softly, "It was time to take it off."

"I guess." Elsa felt her ring finger, twisting when she felt it was bare and then walked off again.

"I should give it to Killian…" She said and when Emma gave her a weird look she explained further, "It was their mother's."

"Oh."

"You know he didn't even ask me."

"What?"

"Liam just kind of...threw it at me." She said with a shrug.

"That's every girl's dream"

"It was more romantic than it sounds." She laughed, forced, but it was something. "He looked at me, said 'Here' and threw a ring box at my feet. His logic was if he didn't ask I couldn't say no. Not that I would have." She shrugged, "Came home the next day to a house full of roses. You couldn't take a step without stepping on one."

"That's sweet."

"Yeah." She whispered and then sighed, shaking her head like she was clearing the memory from her mind. "How is Mary Margaret?"

"She's good." She had the baby about three weeks ago, Emma had been avoiding going to see him for obvious reasons. "I have to go...see him."

"No avoiding it any longer"

"Nope."

* * *

"Look who it is!" Ruby said loudly when she opened the door. "Ms. _I'm too busy to come see the small human_." She stepped aside so Emma could come in, the smell of baby powder strong in the small loft. Emma rolled her eyes.

"It's alright, Emma." Mary Margaret said with a smile, "I just made a fresh pot of hot cocoa, help yourself." Emma said a soft thank you and reached for a cup from the cabinet.

"Where's Killian?" She asked

"Library." Emma said softly glancing at the small body wrapped in a blue blanket in David's arms. A sharp pain coming to her chest. She swallowed.

"Funny." Ruby said as she paced, "The second he's busy, you come around." She was joking, Emma knew it, didn't make her happy though. The cup in her hand came down on the counter with a slam.

"Ruby." Mary Margaret said softly.

"I'm just saying you had the baby three weeks ago." Emma closed her eyes. She knew, she knew about the baby Emma had, why was she being like this. The silence was heavy and she pretended not to notice the stinging in her eyes. She turned, a hard swallow as she wiped up the cocoa that spilled from her mug when she slammed it down. Ruby's face whitened as she realized what she said.

"Oh god...Emma, I forgot." She said softly, "I'm sorry."

"Funny joke." Emma said softly as she sipped her drink, "You should be a comedian. Really."

"Em."

"If it helps clear things up for you, I haven't seen Killian much at all the past few weeks." Emma shrugged.

"Emma-"

"It's fine." She said softly, "don't worry about it."

"This is Oliver" David introduced quietly, slowly moving towards Emma, she pulled the blanket down to look at his small face. Only a few weeks old and you could tell he'd kill it with the ladies, dark hair, long lashes. He looked like his mother. Emma smiled.

"He's beautiful" she clapped David's shoulder, "Good job."

"Hey I helped." Mary Margaret said from across the room. Ruby was busy feeling like the worst human being on earth to notice. Emma went over and patted her shoulder.

"It's alright, you forgot." Emma said softly, "I'm okay"

"I'm so freaking sorry" she leaned back against the sofa. "Really, I don't know how I forgot that."

"How are you doing?"

"Fine"

"Ruby" Emma said softly, "Has Dorothy tried calling you since-"

"No. I think it's really over." She shrugged, "We had a good run."

"I'm sorry"

"It's whatever, I mean, we never saw each other and I go back to school in a month. It doesn't matter. It was bound to end at some point."

"This your last semester?"

"Two more and then it's Graduation Station!" She stretched, "You're coming right?"

"Duh."

"It's not for another few months. So like, try not to die."

"I'll try."

"Good. Now get out of here."

"What?" She asked

"You don't want to sit around and watch everyone coo at a baby." She said, "You came, you saw, that's all anyone was asking."

"Hm"

"Go visit Killian" she winked at her and Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh come on. You cannot sit here and tell me going into the backroom with him would not be a dream come true."

"Ruby" Mary Margaret scolded as she cuddled her baby, Ruby's comment was David's cue to leave.

"The infant can't comprehend this, he can't even form words." Ruby waved off the mother of the group and turned back to Emma, "Ooo, you know what'd be really dirty?"

"Oh god." Mary Margaret groaned, "Do you really ha-"

"Take him right up against the bookshelf."

"Oh. My. God."

"Hey, A and B conversation C your way out of it" Ruby said as she turned to Mary Margaret. Emma rolled her eyes. "Since we're on the topic, how is it?"

"Ruby, personal." Mary Margaret scolded, but Emma saw it, under that mommy exterior she was curious. Emma shrugged, granting herself a horrified gasp from Ruby.

"You don't know?" Ruby said as she straightened. "YOU DON'T KNOW!?"

"What's the big deal?" Emma asked.

"You guys have never…. _Emma Swan_."

"Why are you so disappointed?"

"Because have you seen him?" She said, " _Are you blind_?"

"No"

"Are you sick?"

"No"

"Are you a nun?" She asked. Emma laughed.

"No?"

"Why have you not-"

"Because it just hasn't happened."

"Yet" Ruby said as she sat back against the couch again, "And when it does I expect a full report."

"You're disgusting, you know that right?"

"The guys love it" she licked her lips and it made Emma laugh. Mary Margaret shook her head. "Call me like right after"

"Right after?"

"Better yet, during"

"Oh my god" Emma said, "I'm not going to do that."

"You say that now" Ruby whispered.

* * *

Emma walked into the library, seeing him at a table with a young girl, books open, laptop between them and she was listening, nodding along to what he was saying as he attempted to explain. The more he talked, the more confused she got and eventually she just put her head down, giving up and he laughed, setting the book down for a second. Emma smiled and went to the front desk where Belle was lifting a huge box.

"Here." Emma walked around, helping her lift it onto the table in front of her. Belle smiled

"Thank you" she said, "Killians over there"

"He's busy" Emma waved it off and watched as Belle tore open the box. "Don't you guys have enough books?"

"You can never have enough books, Emma"

"I knew you were going to say that"

"Am I that predictable?" She said with a big smile as she started pulling books from the box and setting them down. She examined each one, opening and flipping the pages, checking the back, reading quickly and then setting them down in a pile. "Did you see the baby?"

"Yes I just came from there."

"He's a cutie"

"Yeah." Emma said softly, "Okay, how many of these have you actually read?"

"Hm." Belle thought, "See, you're expecting me to say all of them, but that's not true. Probably most of them. You'll have to check back when I'm finished." She sighed and then laughing happily as she pulled a book from the bottom of the box. "This one was my favorite."

"What is it?"

"The Catcher in the Rye." She breathed, hugging it to her chest, "It's such a good read."

"I've never read it."

"You have to"

"You can add it to the list of books Killian is forcing me to read"

"I am not forcing you" he said, suddenly next to her, "It's encouragement."

"Jesus, wear a bell" she said jumping.

"Pay attention" he said patting the top of her head, "Be aware of your surroundings." Belle laughed.

"Take this to the back, please." She thrust the empty box at him. He smiled and took it, pulling Emma with him. Ruby's comment about taking him to the back room swimming in her head.

They were just sitting on the floor, backs against the wall. He was telling her something, something about that conference he went to in Florida. She was listening, she was, but not entirely.

"Did you go see the baby?" He asked

"Yes"

"I thought you never would" she shrugged, it made her wonder. Did he know? Did anyone tell him that day she ran off. That's how everyone else knew. Either she let it slip while she was drunk, had a mental break down, or someone went snooping in her medical files, everyone knew by now but did he?

"Must not be much of a baby person."

"I noticed." He smiled at her, softly, like he knew there was something she wasn't telling him but he didn't try to get it out of her. "Why is that?" He didn't know. Good god, no one told him? That's surprising. Should she tell him? Just let it all out right now? Would he look at her differently? Hell yes he would. Everyone did, like she was fragile.

"I don't know." She said softly and he dropped it, reaching for her hand so he could hold it. She laced her fingers through his. "Are we supposed to be back here?" Her thoughts went to that damn conversation she had with Ruby.

"Belle sent me back here, didn't she?"

"True. But she'll get suspicious if we're back here too long"

"What are you saying?" He smirked. "That she'll think we're doing something we shouldn't be?" He stood, pulling her up with him.

"Uh…"

"What's in your head?" He tapped her forehead with his finger. She shrugged

"Just...I had a really weird conversation with Ruby."

"Oh? What was it?"

"You don't want to hear it."

"Maybe I do."

"No..."

"I'll be the judge of what my ears want to hear, Miss Swan." He said, "now spill, it's bothering you."

"You asked." She said and then she told him. He raised an eyebrow, blinking.

"Do I want to know how you got on that topic?"

"I don't even remember. It's Ruby."

"True." He laughed, "but since we're on the topic." He smirked as he backed her up until her back hit the wall. She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off with a kiss. One that had her forgetting how to stand, one that had her clingy to him, one that's never been this heated.

"Killian!" Belle called and he broke away.

"I'm being summoned." He said as he headed for the door and she just took a second, as soon as he was gone, she sat on the floor, her legs were actual jello because holy crap, why did she wait for that?

* * *

"Hey did it happen?" Ruby asked as soon as Emma answered the phone. She rolled her eyes as she paced the room.

"Ruby" she said, "No"

"Goosssh"

"Why do you care so much?" Emma asked as she looked out the window, the sky was black.

"Because I care about you"

"Okay" Emma laughed softly, "That explains it."

"Right?"

"Don't you have exams to study for?"

"Nope" Ruby said, "Oooh you know what would be fun?"

"What?"

"If you guys did the whole 'I'm failing your class and I _really_ need an A' routine."

"Why am I your friend again?"

"Because you love me?"

"Okay. I'm not going to do that."

"You're no fun." Ruby said, "Gotta be open minded, you don't want it to be boring." Someone walked into the room.

"Who are you talking to?" Killian asked as he set his bag down by the dresser. Emma mouthed 'Ruby' and he nodded, crossing the room to her. He smirked as he hooked his finger in the belt loop of her jeans and tugged her against him.

"Wh-"

"Sh" he shushed her as his lips captured hers. This was different than earlier, it was slower, softer, and she would have fallen over had he not pressed her back up against the wall.

"Emma?" Ruby's voice was in her ear, apparently she'd been talking the whole time, Emma just wasn't listening, "Dude. Come on."

"Hang up" he whispered in her ear, nipping gently.

"Emmmaaaa." Ruby said again, "Dude is it happening?" She didn't say anything, just let her hand drop from her ear and to her side. "IS IT HAPPENING!?" Ruby shrieked, sounding way too excited. Killian reached and took the phone, pressing the red button and throwing it over his shoulder.

"She's distracting." He whispered and she giggled.

* * *

 _"What do I do?" Emma asked, the smoke was almost too much, the screaming too loud, the ringing, deafening and she longed for silence, just one second of silence. The girl was crying, tears streaking down her dirt covered face as she held her hand out._

* * *

A/N: I tried to make this update a little longer, god knows the next few will (probably) be huge. Thanks for reading.


	18. Chapter 18

_"Ow" the girl said softly, breathlessly as her hand found the metal sticking out of her leg, "Well that's just not supposed to be there, is it?" She said with a soft laugh. How is she laughing? This isn't funny._

 _"What do I do?" Emma asked softly, she's not a doctor. She didn't know anything about this. Blood was everywhere._

 _"Uuuh" She thought and then shrugged, "I guess just pull it out?"_

 _"I don't think that's a good idea."_

 _"It's the only one I have. Dude, you're bleeding all over the place."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Your head is dripping with blood."_

 _"Is that what that noise is?" Emma asked, suddenly aware of the throbbing and the way her hair felt heavier on one side of her head. She touched it, wincing and pulling her hand back, covered and sticky with blood. "Uh-oh"_

 _"It's okay." She whispered, "It's okay."_

 _It's not okay._

* * *

 _Three weeks before..._

"I hate my life" Ruby whined, "Math is actually just satan." She slammed her textbook shut and slumped on her bed.

"A little less whining, a little more studying." Emma said from the other side of the room, leg propped up on Ruby's desk, laptop balancing on her leg.

"Ew, you're starting to sound like him." Ruby said as she grabbed her other book. Emma glared at her. "What are you even doing?"

"Looking up stuff about The Great Gatsby because the book is too confusing."

"Emma, you can't do that. That's cheating."

"Try and sto- Oh my god"

"What?"

"Gatsby dies."

"EMMA" Ruby scolded, "Killian will kill you when he finds out you did this."

"I'd like to see him try."

"You're like more than halfway through it, just finish it."

"I can't"

"Why?"

"Why can't you study?" Emma asked closing her laptop and standing. She sat next to Ruby on her bed and sighed. "You really want to know why I can't finish it?"

"Yes."

"I dropped it in a puddle and ruined the book"

" _Dude_."

"Sh. Secret."

"He's going to slaughter you." Ruby laughed, "What color casket do you want?"

"He's not going to kill me."

"Hm yeah. Why haven't you told him?"

"I'm waiting."

"For?"

"I don't know." Emma said softly

"I'm telling."

"NO!"

"It's happening." She was reaching for her phone, "I'll give you like a five minute head start, we'll first discuss the weather and then I'll ease into it by mentioning the movie."  
"There's a movie?"

"Yeah. Emma what do you do all day?"

" _Killian_ " She said and when Ruby turned with her wide eyes and smirk growing, Emma launched and grabbed her phone before running out of the room.

"YOU SAID THAT TO DISTRACT ME!" Ruby shrieked from her room as she ran after Emma.

"Give me my phone" Ruby said following her into the kitchen.

"Nah."

"Emma." She grabbed the huge wooden spoon of the wall above the stove, "I'm warning you"

"What are you going to do with a wooden spoon?"

"I grew up with Granny." She said and then slammed it down on the counter, "Don't test me, Emma, I know how to use it."

"You know I have a gun, right?" Emma asked and Ruby charged, grabbing her by the waist and sending them both crashing to the ground.

"That was poor planning." Ruby said as she groaned in pain, she rolled off of Emma and they just laid there, staring at the ceiling.

"Truce?"

"Give me my phone and we'll see."

"I don't trust you."

"Give me my phone, Emma Swan!" She shouted and then jumped up, "I'll use the home phone then."

"You don't have a-"

"God dammit." Ruby huffed, "Emma, please."

"No"

"Plleeeeaassseee"

"Promise you won't call him?"

"I promise" she smiled sweetly and Emma handed it over, only to recoil when she reached.

" _Lies._ "

"How dare you"

"You're lying."

"I am not"

"YOU ARE!" Emma shouted, "No, I'm not giving it back." More tackling, rolling around, playful fighting without any intentions of actually hurting each other. Soon the apartment was wrecked and Ruby still didn't have her phone. Emma had her in a headlock.

"Fine, truce. You win." Ruby said as she raised her arms in surrender. Emma let her go. "You're insane."

* * *

 _Two weeks before…_

"I'm leaving." He said it casually, softly, like the very mention of him going anywhere wouldn't send her insecurities into overdrive.

"What?" She asked softly, "Where are you going?" She was waiting for the " _you_ " at the end of his words, waiting patiently for the "I'm leaving _you_." But he just looked at her, and like he knew what she was thinking, he tugged her closer to him.

"Not you." He said, "Just town."

"Where are you going?"

"England."

"...Why?" The last time he went there was to attend his brother's funeral.

"So many questions."

"Well, answer them and I'll stop asking."

"Anna and Kris are moving out."

"Why do you have to-"

"They're moving into Liam and Elsa's old house."

"Oh"

"She has yet to sell it and everything is still in there. I have to help move everything that Anna and Kris won't need, to a storage locker."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Probably a week."

"What are you doing with the children?" Emma asked, she tried not to sound scared. Emma Swan may be many things, but a babysitter was not one of them.

"Don't worry, they'll be with Belle."

"Okay."

"Kris and Anna are very insistent on staying here."

"Are you making them leave?"

"It wasn't my idea." Killian said, his fingers in her hair, tugging gently at the blonde strands.

"Elsa?" She questioned. Then she remembered the first conversation she actually had with Elsa.

 _"You want her to leave?"_

 _"I want her to live."_

"You should come with us."

"What?" Emma asked

"You heard me."

"You're insane."

"It'll be fuuun."

"I can't just go to England." She said, "I have w-"

"Graham already said okay."

"YOU ALREADY ASKED?!"

"Not me."

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Elsa?" She asked.

"No"

"Anna?"

"Nope?"

"Ruby?"

"Noooope"

"Mary Margaret."

"We have a winner." He said, "She was very insistent."

" _Great._ " Emma said softly, which meant there was no way she could get out of it. Mary Margaret would be at the door, in the kitchen making her hot cocoa and using her mom voice on her. Any excuse she could think of would be debunked.

"You don't have to go. I won't make you."

"You're going and it's final" Anna said from behind the couch, "If I have to go, so do you."

* * *

 _Emma's fingers curled around her shaky and cold fingers. She held tightly, looking into the blondes eyes. She touched the wound in her leg and winced, more blood pouring onto her white skinny jeans. She didn't break eye contact._

 _"It's okay." She said again, softer, "We're alive."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Let's try and stay that way. You think you can manage not dying for a few hours?" She asked. Emma nodded and she gave a tiny smile, "Good. I'll be lonely if you die on me."_

* * *

 _Six Days before…_

The airport was packed, as usual and it was way too early in the morning for this. Anna kept hold of Emma's arm, Emma held Killian's hand.

"It's too early" Anna whined, "Kill me."

"It's nine." Killian said, "You'll be fine."

"You're used to it. You get up before the sun does."

"True. Would you like some coffee?"

"Airport coffee is gross."

"There's a cafe over there. It's the same as any other place, just in an airport."

"Where's Elsa?"

"She's meeting us."

"Where?"

"Over there." He pointed and there Elsa and Kris were, over by a sitting area, checking her phone. "Please stop complaining."

"I can't" Anna said softly, "Okay, I'll try the coffee, on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Stop being a morning person."

"I can't do that."

"You guys are weird." Emma chimed in. Anna patted the top of her head.

"Yes, but you're one of us now." She said with a smile. Emma rolled her eyes. They started to leave her.

"Hey." Emma said

"Go to Elsa." Killian smiled and then kissed her cheek, "she's waiting."

"Hurry back." She said softly and with that, Anna and Killian walked off, Killian steering her through the crowds of people by her shoulders. Emma sighed, this was silly, can't believe she let them talk her into this, she's tired. She walked quickly, not quite paying attention, too busy trying to maneuver through the crowd. Didn't take her long to bump into someone, cursing flying out of the woman's mouth as she dropped her folder full of papers.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Emma said quickly as she bent to help her up. She picked her discarded papers up and apologized for the vulgar language. She ran a hand through her red, unkempt hair, white skinny jeans sticking to her legs, blue sweater wrinkling around her torso. She smiled at her.

"It's okay." Emma said, "You should meet a friend of mine. Trust me, I'm used to the language." She laughed and with that they parted ways, but for some reason, Emma felt like she'd being seeing more of her.


	19. Chapter 19

_Five days before…_

Apparently a friend of Elsa's was keeping the house clean, not mentioning to anyone she wasn't actually in town and had left months ago. There were flowers, some were fresh and neatly cut into delicate bouquets, some dead in their vases, the petals falling to the table and crumbling. She kept them there because she knew Elsa would be back at some point.

"I have not been staying here, I kept the rooms the way you left them, dusted, put some but not all, of your clothes in boxes for you. Oh and Ingrid was wondering if you'll be stopping by while you're here." Zelena was darting around the kitchen, collecting more dead and fresh flowers from the counters and moving them to the dining room, "I wasn't sure if you wanted to read the cards. I know it was h-"

"It's okay, thank you." Elsa smiled softly as she plucked a small white card from the stem of one of the roses. She read it and then set it down.

"Anyone gonna introduce me to the pretty blonde?" Zelena asked gesturing at Emma. "or does she not have a name?"

"I'm Emma..."

"Ah, Emma." She nodded, "who are you? Friend? Enemy? Frenemy?"

"She's Killian's girlfriend and she's our friend." Elsa said as she turned to smile at Emma in her chair, "Be nice."

"Girlfriend?" She questioned

"They were married once." Anna blurted, "For like...a month"

"MARRIED?!" Zelena shouted, "Gosh Jones, I know you don't like me that much but a phone call would have been grand. Or you know, an invitation."

"There wasn't a wedding." He said with a shrug, "And it hardly counts."

"Still happened." Anna muttered.

It took an hour to explain everything that happened because, honestly, Zelena obviously wasn't paying enough attention to get it. Eventually she left. Now Emma sat on Elsa's bed looking around, the sheets smelled like mint for some strange reason. Elsa was pacing, not yet ready to open that closet.

"I could do it for yo-"

"No."

"B-"

"He was my husband if I can't empty his side of the closet...screw it." She tore open the door and they both were engulfed by the scent of cologne and lavender laundry detergent. It was instant, Elsa's shoulders began to shake and she hugged herself. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be." Emma said softly as she stood, "Uh." What was she supposed to do? This is the part where you hug the crying person. She slowly put her arms around her and it was awkward, and uncomfortable, but it seemed to help a little bit so she held her.

"I have to...put his stuff in boxes."  
"I'll help you."

"Okay." She whispered, "don't tell Anna I cried, she won't stay here."

"Okay."

* * *

 _Three days before…_

It didn't take long to pack everything up and move it to a storage place. They were done by the end of the second day. Now they were just staying until the week was up, because, why not?

"Where are we going?" Emma asked, he was tugging her along down the street, it was dark and there wasn't a lot of people out right now. "Hey."

"Swan, stop asking questions."

"Oh god. I knew it." She said

"What?" Killian asked.

"You've been planning on murdering me this whole time."

"Maybe." He smirked, "No, I like you too much."

"Then where are we going?" She stopped walking, letting go of his hand. He turned to her.

"Did I ever tell you about the first teaching job I ever had?"

"Nope." She shook her head, falling into step next to him, his hand resting on the small of her back. "Was it horrible?"

"No, I was a professor at a university."

"Fancy."

"Not really." He shrugged, "Anyways, I stayed for about a year, then I moved onto better things. I found a better job, met Milah."

"How'd you meet her? If you don't mind my asking." She said that because she knew how much it hurt to even say her name. A wound still very fresh.

"I don't mind at all." He smiled, "I met her at a bar, some guy spilled his drink on her and got a little handsy trying to clean it up."

"Did you beat him up?"

"May have broken his nose."

"Good job." Emma said softly, "What did she look like?" He didn't have any pictures and if he did, he kept them hidden. He sighed. "You don't ha-"

"She was beautiful. Dark hair, brown eyes that sparkled when the ocean waves would touch her toes. She had this freckle on her left hip that was shaped like mickey mouse. I used to make fun of her for it. She hated it." He shrugged. Emma linked her arm with his and sighed.

"How come you don't have any pictures?"

"I burned them." He said, "Liam nearly killed me for doing that. Said the brain only holds the mental image of someone for so long."

"You don't have any?"

"Elsa may have a few. I think Liam was able to salvage some from the fire. I'm not sure. I was drunk I can't remember very well." Nor did he want too. She should stop talking about this.

"So...you didn't answer my question." She said softly, "where are we going?"

"Here." He pointed, _when the hell did they get in a parking lot?_ She looked around, they were at the back of a large building. The windows were dark except for a few. Light shining dimly.

"Uh…"

"Come with me." He grabbed her hand and steered her towards a metal door, with a sign that said "Faculty Staff only."

"Uh...I don't think…"

"Where's your sense of adventure?" He asked as he knocked, three spaced out knocks and then the door came open. A man stepped out, heavy set, a thick beard and a red hat on his head. He was a custodian.

"Jones." He smiled and they embraced.

"Swan, this is a friend of mine." He said

"Hi."

"You can call me Mr. Smee" he said with a big smile.

"Emma." He nodded and pulled a large key chain out of his pocket, he fumbled with the keys and took one off.

"This opens all doors, you remember where it is, right?"

"Of course." Killian took it and he went back inside, they followed.

"We shouldn't be here." Emma whispered as they walked the dark hallways, he was taking her somewhere. She was guessing this was the University he was talking about.

"Emma, the building is under renovation. There's no one in here. Not in this part of the building anyways. Now, stop worrying and follow me." She rolled her eyes and let him pull her by the hand as they winded down the long hallways and endless corridors. He stopped in front of a room, marked " _Lecture Hall 623_." The large door was locked, obviously, so he used the key he was given and unlocked it. The door swung open with a soft thud.

"In." He instructed and she bit her lip as she stepped into the dark room.

"If someone jumps out at me, I'll literally kill you." She said and he laughed.

"I assure you, I don't plan on murdering you. I promise."

"Mmmhhhmmm. I know how this goes, Ruby watches Criminal Minds." He flipped the light on and the room was flooded with the soft yellow glow of a lamp on a desk far across the room. Only a few of the florescent lights came on, buzzing.

"This is where I taught for an entire year."

"It's huge."

"I had about three hundred students a class."

" _A class_?" She said, "Good god." He laughed again

"It wasn't as bad as it sounds."

"How did you remember all those names?"

"I didn't." He said with a shrug, "Some made themselves very remembered and some, I couldn't recognize if they bumped into me on the street. I didn't know any of my students. Part of the reason I left."

"Hm. The other reason?"

"This school doesn't take sexual assault very seriously," he said, "but that's a different story for another day, love." She didn't ask. Did she want to know? Probably not. He locked the door and walked towards her.

"You locked the door."

"Can't be too careful." He said softly

"So, why are we here?" She asked, "Can't be just so you can show me your old classroom."

"Are you still hung up on me secretly being a serial killer?"

"I don't know, are you?"

"No." He smiled, "You're strange."

"Aw, thank you."

"I like this color on you." He was referring to the green wrap around dress she wore, "Brings out your eyes."

"Thank you." She said softly, "Mary Margaret bought it for me."

"Interesting." He whispered, "tell me, Swan, what would happen if I pulled on this little ribbon?" He toyed with it, and she raised an eyebrow.

"The whole thing would unravel and fall off…"

"Well that just sounds _lovely._ " He tugged and she gasped, quickly closing her dress as it unfolded.

"You are...awful!" She exclaimed, "I am _not_ acting out some weird fantasy you have."

"Weird fantasy?" He questioned, "I just thought it'd be funny, I had no sexual intentions."

"Had?"

"Now, I might." He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close, he steered her towards the table at the center of the room.

"This is not the place." She laughed.

"Would you rather go back to the house and risk being interrupted by Anna?" He smirked, "I don't think she'll survive a second time."

"Cameras."

"There are no cameras in here." She squeaked when he lifted her and sat her down on the table. He kissed her neck. "You can lie and say it won't be fun." He said leaning into her ear, "Ooor, you can lie back and let me _take care of you._ "

"I hate you." She whispered because if anything she nearly melted when he said that, she bit her lip and kissed him.

"Sure you do, Emma."

* * *

 _One Day Before…_

It was a quiet morning, the birds were chirping, the cemetery was empty except for her and Elsa. They'd gone the night before, with everyone but Elsa needed it to just be her. She only took Emma because Emma didn't pry, didn't push her to do anything.

"They say you're supposed to talk to them." She said softly after she laid her flowers down and stepped back, "but what do you say when you know they can't hear you?" Elsa asked, she looked to Emma for an answer.

"Just…uh...talk like he's not-"

"Dead? Okay." She sighed. Emma stepped away but she grabbed her hand and kept her there while she talked quietly to the decomposing body six feet underground. "I miss him."

"Don't tell me that."

"Emma."

"Elsa."

"He can't hear me. He's dead."

"What would you say if it were me down there?"

"Emma. Don't talk like that."  
"I want to know. Tell living me, what you would tell dead me." She said softly, "and then apply it to Liam."

"You're strange."

"I've been told."

"Okay." She sighed, "Uh. I...miss you." She shrugged

"That's it?"

"What do you want, a eulogy?"

"Yeah." Emma said. Elsa laughed and then she laughed and suddenly they were laughing like maniacs in front of her dead husband's grave. After a while she stopped suddenly.

"I don't want to think about you dying." She said softly, "I don't want to think about what that'll do to...god, he loves you so much."

"I know." Emma said softly, he told her. After their second actual date, when he sat with her on her couch and he thought she was asleep but she wasn't quite there yet and he kissed her forehead and whispered it. For some reason it didn't scare her, she didn't get the urge to run. She almost said it back that night, but she didn't. "I know…"

* * *

He was busy looking through old photos, he was sure she had a picture somewhere. Anna bounced into the living room.

"I hate you." She said

"What?"

"You heard me." He put the pictures down and turned.

"Why?"

"Because you didn't...I don't want to leave Elsa. She's not okay."

"Anna we talked about this."  
"No, you guys talked, I listened."

"Kris thinks this is good for you."  
"I don't care." She said softly, "Just...promise you'll make sure she's okay."

"I will"

"Make sure she's really okay, not just saying she's okay because she doesn't want anyone to worry."

"Anna, I live with a human lie detector."

"Emma."

"Yeah. It's going to be fine." He said softly. She nodded and he turned back to the pictures, flipping through them. "You want to help me with something?"

"Sure"

"Go through these boxes of old pictures and see if you can find one of Milah."

"You burned those."

"Not all of them, Liam stopped me. I just don't know what he did with them."

"Why do you-"

"Emma wanted to know what she looked like." He said softly, "And...I'm starting to forget." Anna nodded and began sifting through pictures. They chatted quietly, Anna asking questions, he'd answer.

"Are you and Emma going to have kids?" She asked and he looked at her.

"What?"

"Simple question."

"I...don't think she wants any. We haven't discussed it." He said, "Which is fine with me."

"She doesn't want any?" She asked and then she gasped, "Oh my god."

"What?"

"You don't know."

"What?"

"She didn't tell you!?" She jumped up and then began to ramble about that day she ran off and how everyone was looking for her and someone got a hold of her medical records. And then she stopped, "You don't know…"

"Know what?" He asked, he was worried now. "Anna. _Talk._ " She swallowed.

"She'll kill me."

" _Anna_."

"She has a son." She blurted and then covered her mouth. "Oh god...I shouldn't have said anything, oh geez, look at your face." The front door opened and Emma came in with Elsa, they were smiling, but the second they saw Killian, their smiles disappeared.

"Anna, come." Elsa instructed, "Now." She gave Emma an apologetic look before following her older sister out the door.

"Killian...what is it?" Emma asked softly as she stepped towards him. He ran a hand over his face.

"When were you planning on telling me?" He asked, "When were you planning on telling me you have a son?"

"Anna…" She sounded sick, "she told you."

"Not what I was asking."

"Killian."

"Emma." He said, he was mad. "Everyone knows but me?"

"They know only because of late night drunken confessions, a mental breakdown, or snooping through my medical files. I've never told someone without…"

"You weren't planning on telling me."

"I didn't want...you to look at me like you're looking at me now." She said, "Everyone always looks at me like that...once they know."

"Emma, what happened?"

"I gave him up"

"You gave him up?"

"Yeah…" She said softly, she took a step back because, holy hell, he was pissed. Pissed at her because she never told him.

"I can't believe you didn't say anything."

"I don't have to justify-"

"Emma, you have a son!" He shouted and that was the first time since she came back that night she ran off to New York, he raised his voice at her. She jumped. "A boy you just...threw a-"

"Don't you dare." She snapped, "I didn't just throw him away. I did what was best for him!"

"Really?"

"You weren't there." She said softly, "You didn't know me. You don't know what happened. So shut up." She swallowed the lump in her throat. What gave him the right? "You want to talk about being thrown away, here ya go. I was tossed to the side of the road, in October, at just a few hours old. I was left for dead and you know this. See, I told you this part." She shook her head, "He was safe, I didn't toss him aside like a piece of garbage."

"Except now he has no idea who he is. Or where he came from, who knows what's happening to him right now."

"Why are you-"

"Because Emma, I've been in the system, so have you. I don't understand why you would just...put your own child-"

"You want to know why?" She asked, stepping towards him, "I was seventeen. Technically eighteen. With a man who...said he'd love me forever, we'd be together for the rest of our lives but before we could do that, I had to do something for him. Are you listening?" She asked and he folded his arms over his chest, "He stole these watches a few years before meeting me, expensive, millions of dollars worth of watches, told me I needed to get rid of them. So, I did. Do you know what happened? Neal called in a tip to the police, told them to check surveillance. I got caught. I was put in prison." She ran a hand through her hair, "I was pregnant. In prison. Do you know what it's like to give birth while you're handcuffed to a bed. Which is funny because it's not like I was in any way able to run, but they had to handcuff me while a small human tore it's way through my body." She shoved him, "I was homeless, living in my car, tell me how that's good for a newborn? Hm?" She waited but he didn't say anything, "You don't get to berate me for the decisions I made _before I even knew you._ " She hissed, "I never should have...gone into that school to have breakfast with Mary Margaret."

"What?"

"I never should have gone with her to the library that Saturday morning. This was all a mistake. I can't..."

"Emma…" He said her name softly and she smacked his hand away when he reached.

"I think we're done here." She said softly. She went and packed, when she came out he apologized probably a million times as she made her way out the door. "I'll have my stuff out of your place by the time you're back." She said softly and she left.

* * *

 _The day of…_


	20. Chapter 20

It was six in the morning in Storybrooke which meant Ruby probably wasn't awake, but Emma needed to call someone who wouldn't talk her into going back to that house. Elsa was already blowing up her phone. She put the phone to her ear, sitting in the airport.

"Emma do you know what time it is?" Ruby's groggy voice came through the speakers softly.

"Uh…" Emma swallowed, "No, I'm...sorry…"

"Emma what is it?" She heard the creak of Ruby's bed springs as she sat up, recognizing something was off with her voice. "Em…"

"I need somewhere to stay...when I get back to Storybrooke, I was going to ask Mary Margaret but...she doesn't exactly have the room and I can't listen to her...preach about love and happy endings because I'll go insane and-"

"Emma. What the hell happened? Why do you need-"

" I broke up with Killian."

"Emma, what?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." She said softly, trying not to cry because she heard herself say it out loud and it made her want to turn around and go right back to him, she couldn't do that.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"What do you need?"

"Someone who will...keep him away, who won't tell him where I am. A place to sleep until I can figure out what to do."

"Okay."

"Okay. I'll be getting on a plane in an hour." Emma whispered, "Thanks…" She hung up before Ruby could ask any more questions. Her phone rang seconds after she hung up, Killian's caller I.D. flashing on the screen. Emma answered.

"Please stop." She said softly, "I don't want to hear it."

"Emma."

"No."

"Just listen."

"No." She whispered, "For the record, I don't have a son. I never had one, I gave birth to a baby and then I gave him up, didn't even hold him. He was never mine. Now stop calling me." She hung up and turned her phone off. She had to turn it off anyways, it was almost time to board the plane.

* * *

"You can't keep calling her." Elsa said softly as she lay on the couch, "She won't answer me, I doubt she'll answer you again."

"I have to try." he said as he dialed her number for the hundredth time since she left. He had half the mind to go to the airport, but by the time he'd get there she'd be gone. "Voicemail"

"Told you. She's probably on the plane now."

"I'm an idiot."

"Yeah. You are." Elsa said as she stared up at the ceiling. Killian's phone rang, he didn't look at the I.D.

"Emma?"

"Ha. Try again." Ruby said, "Not Emma, her very angry friend."

"Ruby."

"Ding." She said, "What the hell did you do? I'll tell you what you did, you broke Emma. Yeah, shattered, she is not okay. She is worse than she was with Neal, and that was bad. Now, Emma's not the self destructive type, so at the very least I don't have to worry about her offing herself before she gets here. Now, I have to go to the store and buy breakup food because your dumb ass did something stupid and I don't know what it is because she can't even say your fucking name without crying."

"Ruby…"

"Don't you, _Ruby_ , me. You're an idiot. Oh wait until Mary Margaret finds out."

"She broke up with me."

"Because you're an idiot. An idiot with an associate's degree."

"Master's."

"Same thing." She said, "I don't know what the hell happened but I know for a fact, Emma did not just wake up this morning and go, hey I don't want you anymore. No, no she wouldn't do that."

"Are you forgetting the time she ran off without telling anyone?"

"Because the second she let her guard down around you she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it if you woke up one day and decided you didn't want her anymore. So, she left before she could get any closer to you and we all convinced her this was something and she came back to be with you." Ruby was nearly shouting, "These passed few months, I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. Despite her being happy, she still had this overwhelming thought that you would leave one day and she'd be crushed. I'm sure you saw it." He did. Which was why he chose his words carefully and did his best to make sure she knew she was wanted. He sighed. "I don't know what happened, I don't know what you said to her, but you need to fix it. If you don't, those walls she had up, the ones you broke, they're going to be so high no one will be able to break them."

"I can't fix it if she won't talk to me."

"I have a secret weapon."  
"Mary Margaret?"

"Mary Margaret." Ruby said softly, "She can convince Emma to talk to you, but I have to wait for Emma to tell her what happened, if I go to her now, Emma will probably kill me." Ruby paused, "She's on the plane now. She won't answer. Give her until tomorrow before you call again."

"Just...take care of her."

"Duh." Ruby said softly, "I have hot cocoa and cinnamon on standby. Oh and, if she doesn't want to talk to you, like ever, I'm not letting you anywhere near her. Got it? She already asked me not to tell you where she'll be staying. So don't even ask." She hung up.

"She's on the plane." He said softly

"What the hell happened?" Elsa asked as she sat up, "Why did she leave? What did you say?"

"A lot of things."

"Talk to me." She said softly. And he sighed.

* * *

Emma sighed and looked out the window and then at the phone in her hand, thankful it was off and not constantly buzzing, but right now she was starting to regret the way she left. Regretting she didn't talk to him sooner, regretting the fact she didn't say a word about that baby. It had to come from his sister in law. Who she really wanted to punch for even thinking it was okay to just blurt Emma's secrets out like they were gospel. But she knew the bubbly girl probably didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. That was enough to keep her on the plane. She missed him already, when did she become that girl? The one who couldn't function without that one person next to her. Trying to sleep without him was going to be hell, she already knew it. She put her phone in her pocket and looked out the window, they'd be moving soon. She half expected to see him running up to the plane, like one of those cheesy romantic movies Mary Margaret literally lived off of. But that wouldn't happen, he was probably still mad at her. Maybe he was thankful she finally broke it off with him, she should have listened to her head when this all started. You're treading dangerous waters, Emma. It said, no shit, now she's drowning. As the plane began to move she tried to relax and stop thinking about him, but as the hours passed and people slept she kept her eyes out the window and started wondering what he was doing right now, was he still angry? Was he processing what had happened? Did he go over and over in his head what he said to her and kick himself? The man next to her asked the flight attendant quietly for a packet of tissues and when she brought them he handed them to Emma. She didn't even realize she was crying. He was a nice guy, an old man. He helped distract her by telling her about each one of his grand kids. One boy, three girls, the girls were a set of triplets and they each had their own distinct personalities. Molly was into sports and romance novels about a hero girl who had to save everyone from some dangerous force all while unexpectedly falling in love in the process. Hannah, loved cooking, she did it all the time, her favorite thing to cook was pasta in Alfredo sauce with tiny cut up pieces of chicken, grilled and then fried. Haley, was an animal lover, a humanitarian at heart, but she also had an attitude like no other, she could insult you and you'd think it was a compliment. She had an outstanding understanding of sarcasm and she loved all things satire. She wanted to be a teacher. Their brothers name was Robert, there wasn't much to tell about him, he was an artist, painted these pictures that were unbelievable, he died when he was fifteen, suicide. No one saw it coming.

"Do you have kids?" He asked once he was finished and she shook her head.

"No"

"You will one day." He smiled, "Children are the best gifts the lord could give you. I hope one day you get that experience." She smiled softly.

"Yeah." She whispered. It's only been a few hours but god dammit she missed him so much she could hardly breathe, she turned her head to look out the window. She shouldn't have left, she should have stayed, god how could she be so stupid? How could he let her go? Why didn't he stop her? Why didn't she stop her? They're both stupid.

"I lied." She said softly

"Pardon?" The old man said looking at her.

"I had a son." She said, "Well he...was never mine. I just gave birth to him. I gave him up."

"You gave birth to him, he's yours."

"What?"

"Regardless of whether you have him in your arms right now, you were a mother for a few months of his life, he grew inside you. You'll look at kids differently. A mother is a mother."

"I don't-"

"He may not be yours but he shares your DNA. You kept him safe in that belly of yours until it was time to give him to a family who could provide for him. Is that why you were crying earlier?"

"Not exactly." She didn't want to talk about Killian, she didn't want to feel that. Not right now. "But that's a different story for another day" She said softly. After that the plane began to shake violently and he said something about turbulence. But it didn't stop and soon there was a crash and then there was nothing.

* * *

Pine needles and twigs stabbed her front as she opened her eyes, only to see smoke and smell gas. There was a loud ringing in her ears as she rolled onto her back. It was morning now, the sun breaking through the thick cloud of smoke covering the sky. She willed herself to sit up even though her body screamed at her not to move. What happened? Was she dead? No. She looked around, the wreckage, the bodies, people screaming. She looked around for that old man she was talking to, hoping he was okay. But she looked where her seat used to be and saw an arm covered in blood and not moving poking out of the wreckage. She knew it was his and she crawled to try and see if there was something she could do. He was dead, it was too late. She thought about his grand kids. How heartbroken they'll be, she did her best to stand, falling every now and again, no one seemed to notice her, the ones who made it out were severely injured or dying. She made her way from the wreckage, the plane twisted and pieces gone from it, by pieces she meant the whole back of the plane had come off and was...somewhere. How did she make it out with barely a scratch? Why was he the one to die and not her? How was that fair? She heard loud screaming coming from the distance, far from the wreckage, she made her way to it, she couldn't help these people, not really, but maybe she could help this person. She was far away, really far away, by the time she got there she could barely hear the loud screaming from the other people, maybe it was because of the ringing in her ears, or because this person was screaming so goddamn loud she could wake the dead. Her red curls were wild and unkempt, her blue sweat was torn, a piece of metal sticking out of her leg just above the knee, every time she moved, fresh blood poured onto her white skinny jeans and pooled around her. Emma stood there, not really sure what to do.

"Sh." Emma said, "Hey. Hey stop." She said, " _Stop that_." What was she doing? Why was she shushing this girl? She didn't know, the ringing was driving her insane probably. The girl kept screaming and all Emma could think of was taking that giant rock a few feet away and bashing her head in. With every gulp of air, fresh blood pooled around her leg and was accompanied by a flinch. She noticed Emma now, and had stopped screaming long enough to look at her.

"What...do I do? I don't know what to do." Emma said softly, the smoke was too much, the screaming, too much. The ringing in her ear was deafening, she longed for silence, just one second of glorious and beautiful silence. The girl held her hand out, she wanted her to hold it? Emma stepped towards her. "What's happening?"

"You're in shock." She said softly, "Come here." Emma walked over, crouching down. Emma's fingers closing around the girls shaky ones. "We were in a plane crash." She said

"What?"

"It went boom." She said, "I recognize you."

"Huh?"

"You ran into me in the airport a few days ago."

"You're wearing the exact same outfit." Emma realized.

"I pack light." She whispered, "My name is Merida."

"Emma."  
"Okay." She said softly, "ow." Her hand found the metal in her leg and she touched it, more blood.

"What do I do?"

"I don't know, pull it out?"

"That's not a good idea." Emma said softly, "You'll bleed out."

"I mean, it's the only idea I have and it hurts like a bitch. Dude you're bleeding all over the place."

"Huh?"

"Your head, it's dripping with blood." Is that why her hair felt heavier on one side of her head. She touched it, fingers instantly being coated with blood.

"Uh-oh"

"It's okay." She said softly, "It's okay."

"It's not."

"We're alive."

"Yeah"

"Let's try and stay that way. Think you can manage that?" She nodded and Merida squeezed her hand before letting go. "They'll get word something happened and they'll come for us."

"Okay."

"Don't die on me. I'll be lonely."

* * *

It was two thirty in the afternoon now and he was walking with Elsa to the cemetery. They were talking about nothing in particular. He was trying not to think about Emma but for some reason he felt like he needed to call her, felt like something was wrong. But Ruby told him not too. So he resisted the urge to pull his phone out and call her a thousand times until she answered.

"I wonder what she's doing right now." Elsa said softly, "I miss her."

"Probably packing all her things and getting the hell out of dodge"

"Probably."

"I miss her too."

"If you hadn't reacted the way you did, she'd still be here." Elsa said as she walked through the gate, he rolled his eyes. "Seriously."

"I know that."

"It's okay, you'll fix it."

"I don't know how."

"A grand romantic gesture?"

"She hates those." He said, "She'd punch me in the face."

"Good" Elsa walked and he followed, "You're lucky I didn't. I can't believe you didn't go after her."

"She would have left regardless."

"You don't know that."

"I do though" He said softly, "she was waiting for this to happen."

"Waiting for you to blow something out of proportion and criticize her life choices so she could break up with you?"

"She was waiting for a reason to go." He said, "and she got one. I'm not proud of it." Elsa didn't say anything, just kept walking. Her footsteps light on the pavement; a trail leading to the grave they were visiting.

"I wonder what she would have to say about all this." Elsa said softly as she stopped in front of it.

"She's dead she doesn't get an opinion." He said softly, stopping beside her. The grave was not decorated, not really, the flowers that were there were dead. Long since been dead.

"Milah would probably say, _What the hell is the matter with you, Killian? Why are you such a dumb ass?_ That's how I imagine it."

"Riiiight."

"Probably slap you for good measure too."

"Most likely. Though if she were still alive, I never would have gone to Storybrooke in the first place. Therefore never meeting Emma. So, really this conversation is pointless."

"Fate works in mysterious ways, you would have met her at some point."

"Sure. But I would have been with Milah. So, again, this conversation is pointless."

"Do you really think she was the one?"

"I thought she was."

"Now, you don't?"

"Emma is." He said softly, " _Was_. I should say."

"I mean you guys were married."

"That hardly counts." He said, "She didn't want it."

"True, but come on. You nearly fell over when you saw her in that dress."

"She's beautiful"

"Yeah." Elsa said softly, "When this all blows over and you guys make up and all that stuff" she paused, "Seriously dude, put a ring on it." He laughed.

"I don't think she wants me to do that."

"You never know if you don't ask"

"Remember the last time I went to ask a woman to marry me?" He gestured at Milahs grave in front of them, "She freaking _died_."

"Emma doesn't have a heart condition she never told you about. She was in the hospital, she had surgery, I've seen her medical records, trust me, I know."

"You were the one who-"

"I didn't mean anything by it. We were just trying to find her."

"Does she know you-"

"She thinks it was Graham. Which is part of the truth. I never should have looked, it had nothing to do with where she could have gone." Elsa sighed, "Here." She handed him the white roses she was holding, "replace those dead flowers. When was the last time we were here?"

"The last time I was here was the funeral. I don't know about you."

"It's probably been two years." She said softly.

"She hated roses."

"Well she can deal with it." Elsa said.

"I hope she haunts the hell out of you." He said. Elsa laughed.

"Let's go, I have to call Belle and check on my children."

* * *

Merida wrapped her hand around the metal sticking out of her leg. "What are you doing?" Emma asked.

"What...does it look like?" She asked and then she started to pull, biting her lip to keep from screaming her head off, she squeezed her eyes shut.

"You'll bleed out!" Emma yelled but she didn't listen, pushed her away when she tried to stop her. She tugged hard and it came out, making a sickening noise as it tore through more flesh. She screamed and blood pooled. Emma pressed her hands down, pressing all her body weight onto the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"You're insane!" She screamed, "Don't die. Please…" She whispered, "Please you have to stay alive." She quickly ripped her jacket off and tied it as tight as she could to cut the circulation off. It took a while to work but eventually the bleeding was minimal, enough to not kill her.

"Relief." Merida said softly, her head falling back on the part of the plane that blew off, she closed her eyes. She was the only one from the back who survived. Bodies were around them. There was still screaming coming from the crash sight. People helping other people, Emma should be over there, but she wasn't leaving her.

* * *

The next day, he called her, caving because his gut was telling him something was wrong and he needed to hear her voice, so he sat on the couch and it went straight to voicemail. He called Ruby.

"Is Emma okay?"

"What do you mean?" She asked

"She's with you?"

"No?"

"No?"

"Killian, she never showed up at the airport." She said, "I figured you guys made up and she decided to stay. She's not with you?"

"No." He said, "No she's not."

"Hold on I'm going to call her." She hung up and Killian grabbed the remote, Elsa asked what was going on and Kris was standing behind the couch with Anna.

"Emma never made it to the airport."

"What?"

"Something is wrong, I can feel it." He was shaking, his phone rang and he quickly answered.

"Straight to voicemail" Ruby said softly, it was ten in the evening over here and five over there so either way both of them would be tuning into the news. Because something was wrong. He handed the remote to Elsa, instructing her to find the news station because he couldn't, he could barely hold the phone.

"You don't think…" Elsa said softly

"Elsa. Please hurry." He said softly, she flipped through the station.

 _"...searching for a plane that was set to land in Portland early yesterday morning, but it never made it…"_ The news anchors voice flooded the house.

"Oh my god." Anna said softly.

"Ruby, I think…"

"The plane crashed." She said and he heard it, heard she was in tears because Emma can withstand being hit by a car, but a plane crash? Probably not. "Oh god.."

"We don't know if it crashed" Anna said softly, "Maybe they had to make an emergency landing."

"They wouldn't have to be searching for it, Anna, they would know where it is." Kris said softly, he rubbed her back.

"Are you positive she's not in Storybrooke?" Killian asked, "absolutely sure?"

"Yes." Ruby said softly, "And she'd tell me...if she made other plans. Killian, what if she's-"

"Please don't say it." He whispered, "I can't…"

"What do I do?" She asked, "Do I tell Mary Margaret, her friends, Graham? What do I do?"

"Don't say anything until we're sure. Not a word."

* * *

"Sooo, tell me about you" Merida said softly as she rested her head on Emma's shoulder, it was dark and it was cold.

"What?"

"I have to ask questionssss" she lost a lot of blood. She was probably a little loopy. "Parents?"

"Don't know who they are."

"You're an orphan?"

"Yup."

"I'm your mom now."

"Pretty sure I'm older than you."

"Don't talk to your mother like that."

"Okay..."

"Kids?"

"Nope." Emma said softly.

"Married?"

"No." She said and Merida got a little closer, her head nuzzling her neck, she was cold. Again, she lost a lot of blood. Emma sighed and reluctantly wrapped an arm around her. She couldn't have her freeze to death. Emma was cold too, but she'd manage.

"Boyfriend?"  
"...no."

"Hesitation"

"Complicated."

"You're recently single then."

"Yup"  
"Who did the dumping?"

"I broke up with him." Emma said softly, and again she was thinking about Killian.

"Is that why you were on the plane?"

"We got in a fight so I left."

"Oh god he's going to feel so responsible, girl you better not die." She didn't want to think about that. He probably knew about the crash by now. Or knew something was wrong. He's probably a wreck.

"I miss him."

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" She shouted. Emma was surprised she had the strength to get her voice that loud. "My bag is over there, I pulled it out."

"How did yo-"

"Stop asking questions" Emma sighed and got up to grab it, she unzipped it. As instructed. "There is a pen and a pad of paper in there." She said, "Now, this is what we're going to do. We'll write a letter to a person of our choice, can be multiple people, and we'll give each other...each others letters."

"Why?"

"So if one of us dies we can give it to the person it's addressed to." She said softly, "For example, I will be writing mine to my mom. If I perish, which is likely considering I am very tired right now, you'll be in charge of making sure my mom gets this."

"I don't think I want that responsibility."

"I think you'll do it for the dead girl you tried to save. I promise I'll give...uh...whoever you're writing it to, yours."  
"Wait, what if we both die?"  
"They'll find them on us." She said softly.


	21. Chapter 21

Her head had stopped bleeding a while ago and now she was walking, trying to find water, trying to find a signal. It was getting dark, but Merida would die if she didn't find something. She'll probably be dead once returned. She had taken some clothes from Merida's bag, a long sleeve blue t-shirt, she was ripping the fabric and tying it to trees as she went, so she'd remember her way back. Finding a signal was hopeless, she didn't even know where they were. Finding water was turning out to be a lost cause, the further she went the darker it got. Emma turned around and headed back.

"I didn't find any water." She said as she approached her, "or a signal for that matter, we're in the middle of nowhere it seems."

"I don't hear anything." Merida said softly, "There...people were screaming, for days they were screaming, and now there's nothing." Emma sat on the ground next to her, "What does that mean?" Merida asked softly her voice was so quiet, Emma could barely hear it. She knew what it meant, either they stopped screaming because they decided it was useless, or they were all dead.

"I don't know." Emma whispered.

"No one is coming for us."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth." She said, "how long has it been?"

* * *

They spent two days trying to find a way home and then one more actually getting home. Now they were Storybrooke bound, Elsa insisted to drive because he looked like hell and felt like hell and she didn't feel like getting in a car accident. They left Anna and Kris back in England, they'd call with any updates, they were told to watch the news.

"Do you think she suffered?" He asked quietly as she drove down the long stretch of road leading to Storybrooke.

"No, because she's not dead." Elsa said softly.

"We have to be realistic."  
"Fine." She shrugged, "No I don't think she...suffered."

"What if the plane crashed into a body of water?"

"Then she drowned." she said softly, "if it didn't, she probably died on impact. Or she's alive. Which is a possibility." She shrugged, "Don't give up on her yet. If a car didn-"

"A car and a plane are two very different things."

"That may be true-"

"It is true." He said

"Okay." Elsa sighed and they drove in silence the rest of the way, they were stopping at Belles to see the kids and then they were going to find Ruby. Her driveway was long, leading up to a small but comfortable house with a huge garden wrapping around the outside. He wondered if she'd seen the news, if she knew, if Ruby said anything to her. Probably not because when she opened the door she smiled so brightly, it was sickening.

"I wasn't expecting you for a few more days." she said as she embraced Elsa. She then looked at Killian and her smile faded a little, "what happened?"

"There was a plane crash." Elsa spoke softly so Stella couldn't hear and she went into the fact it couldn't be found and then she told her Emma was on it and she got this look on her face. This look of horror as she covered her mouth.  
"Oh my god." She said. "Okay...uh, what do you need?"  
"Why does everyone look so sad?" Stella asked as she peeked from under Belles arm. "Where's Emma?"

"Emma is…" Elsa knelt down, "she's busy, but she told me to tell you she misses you." She tugged at a piece of her daughter's dark curls, a strand coming loose from her braid.

* * *

"We need to move." Emma pushed herself off the ground. Merida looked up at her like she was stoned and gestured at her leg. "I'll help you." Emma grabbed hold of her arm and wrapped it around her neck, wrapping her own around her waist and pulling her up. She cried out and nearly fell but Emma held tight and steadied her.

"Ow." She groaned and Emma started walking, half carrying, half dragging her on the ground. "Stop." Merida whimpered and sucked in a breath, "Why are we moving?"  
"I'm not leaving you here."

"Oh, how noble." She said sarcastically as they started to move again, back to where the rest of the plane was. She wasn't expecting it. Okay that's a lie, but it was so much worse than she thought. "Oh my god." Emma didn't have words, just covered her mouth and walked, the smell was awful, bodies were littered everywhere from where people dragged them from the wreckage. Mangled corpses with missing limbs, bodies burned beyond recognition. They nearly tripped over one, a pregnant woman.

"Emma…" Merida said softly, "They're all dead."

"Not everyone." Emma nodded at a few people, huddled up, backs against the plane as they passed an almost empty water bottle, they looked up at them.

"The pilot is dead." One man said. He stood, walking over to help Emma get Merida to the ground and into a comfortable position. "A lot of people died."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?" He asked as he gently took her chin in his hand and turned her head so he could look at the wound. She stepped out of his grasp.

"Fine." She said as she sat beside Merida. He sat beside her, handing her the water bottle, which she gave to Merida.  
"Your name?" Merida asked

"Walsh."

"Merida. This is Emma."

"Sorry to meet on such...awful circumstances, Emma." He smiled at her, a sweet smile. She returned it. "Over there is Nani and her little sister Lilo." Nani looked to be in her early twenties while Lilo had to be at least sixteen. Dark hair and tan skin. They smiled at her. There were a few more people but they were either unconscious, sleeping, or dead. He kept trying to talk to her and she would attempt to engage in conversation, but she was more worried about making sure Merida stayed awake than making friends. She pulled her phone from her pocket and was startled to see something else fall out. A green piece of paper. She unfolded it, _"There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice."_ How did that get in there?

"What's that?" Merida asked as she leaned her head on Emma's shoulder.  
"Nothing." She said as she tucked it back in her pocket.

* * *

"Why did nobody think to tell me?" Mary Margaret asked as tears filled her eyes. She looked like she was about to be sick as she felt her way towards the couch to take a seat. Ruby would be here soon.

"We wanted to know for sure...before we worried anyone." Elsa said softly as she sat next to her, pulling Killian along because he looked so very lost.

"Why was she on the plane in the first place?" She looked at Killian for an answer.

"We got in an argument and she left."

"Oh, so it was you."  
"Mary Margaret." David said carefully, "Let's n-"

"She could be _dead._ " Her tears fell.

"She got on that plane. No one forced her." Elsa said firmly and Mary Margaret realized how her words sounded. She ran a hand over her eyes.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean. It's not your fault." She said softly, "Do they have any idea where it is?" David touched her knee before getting up to check on the baby, who was crying. Ruby crashed through the door. She was a mess, clothes wrinkled, no make up, hair a mess. Like she hadn't slept in days. She didn't say anything until she flopped down on the couch.

"What are we going to do when she gets back?" She asked, "She is not going to want you anywhere near her." She looked at Killian, "who knows what type of...help she'll need."

"If she's alive." Killian said softly

"She's alive." Ruby snapped. It went quiet and no one could really think of anything to say, David stood in the kitchen, holding the baby. He watched them.

"Did she want an open casket or a closed one?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Depends on the condition the body is in."

" _Guys_." Elsa and Ruby said at the same time

"This is something that needs to be talked about."

"I don't have to listen to this." Ruby got up. She ran a hand through the mess that was her hair.

"R-"

"She is not dead!" She shrieked, "Stop. Saying. It. I don't want to talk about caskets and flowers and funerals. And whether she wanted to be buried or cremated, or if she wanted to be buried in that freaking jacket she always wears. No. Stop." she started crying, "She's not allowed to be dead. Okay? She's not."

"Okay." Mary Margaret got up and wrapped her arms around her friend, "Okay." The door opened and Graham stepped in.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, "and why am I the last to hear about it?" Elsa went into what happened quickly and Killian's phone rang.

"Belle, what?"

"They found the plane." She said, "They're sending people out now." She paused, "Killian it's really bad."

"What?" Ruby asked, " _Speak_ "

"What are you saying?" He asked

"I'm saying you need to prepare yourself. She may not have-" he hung up. He couldn't hear it, it was different now, now they knew something. Now it was real.

"They found it." He said softly.

* * *

A/N: This one was a little shorter.


	22. Chapter 22

"Did they say what hospital they were in?" He asked as he sped down the road. Elsa was on the phone with Belle.

"They might not even be back yet." She said, "It's only been a few hours." Ruby was in the car behind them. Elsa asked Belle if there was anything else said about the crash and her face whitened a little bit.

"What?" Killian asked, "Elsa."

"A lot of people died." She said softly, "including the pilot."

"What caused the crash?"

"They don't know yet." Elsa said, "Killian look" she said and the air was flooded with the sound of loud sirens, several ambulances passed them. "Holy…"

"Hold on." He did a massive turn and then floored it.

"ARE YOU INSANE?" Elsa shouted, the car almost tipped over, he just shrugged.

"Is Ruby still behind us?"

"She's probably wondering what that was."

"Oh hush." He said and he heard Belle through the speaker wanting to know what happened. Elsa sighed and told her how he almost killed them. Ruby was behind them, probably freaking out.

They pulled into the visitor parking and jumped out, Ruby quick to follow. She grabbed them before they went in.

"Wait." She said softly, "I need a minute." He knew why, through the glass doors he could see it was utter chaos in there. Doctors were running with fresh bags of blood and people were scrambling around the large desk at the front, probably looking for their family members. She took a deep breath and went inside.

"Look out" Elsa shouted and she backed them against the wall just as a hoard of doctors and a gurney flew by quickly, they were shouting over each other and he couldn't see who it was. Something fell to the ground in a crumpled mess of torn fabric and blood. Elsa picked it up and turned it in her hands.

"This is Emma's" She said softly, "Why did she have it?" Elsa must have seen who it was and the fact it wasn't Emma made him worry more.

"Thats a lot of blood." Ruby grabbed it, "she's here somewhere." She said softly as she searched through the hoard of people.

"I don't see her." Killian scanned the crowd and then went in the direction the doctors went.

"Are you looking for someone?" A doctor asked, her brown hair tied back in a tight bun, her scrubs were clean, not yet stained in blood. She held a tablet in her hands. "Maybe I can help."  
"Emma Swan." Elsa said and she searched, scrolling down the list of people.

"Was she in the plane crash?"  
"Yes."

"I'm not seeing her name." She said as she scrolled, "did she contact you?"

"No" the woman nodded.

"Okay. Let me look around, do you have a picture?" She asked and Killian took out his wallet, he handed her a small picture, one he took while she wasn't looking, smiling at something Elsa said. He loved it so much he got it printed and she hated him for it. The woman nodded and asked if she could take it.

"Yeah."

"Have a seat." She said softly and gestured at the chairs in the waiting room. They sat, Ruby's leg shaking, foot slamming against the carpet.

"She must be an intern." She said softly, she looked around, people just as anxious to find their loved ones. They tried to ignore the screaming coming from the other room, where they used to be, people being informed their loved ones were dead. It took her an hour to come back, a whole hour of waiting.

"I didn't find her." She said softly and then she took a seat across from them. She handed Killian the picture and searched the list of names again. "She could have been taken to another hospital. Or a lot of people were rushed to surgery as soon as they got here."

"Just find her."

"I don't want to worry you, but, a lot of the bodies that were brought haven't been identified yet." She said it softly, slowly and Ruby looked like she was about to be sick.

"Don't say that." She said, "She's not dead."

"Ruby." Elsa said softly, putting a hand on her shoulder and sighing, "we need to be realistic."

"Now you say that." Ruby hugged Emma's jacket to her chest, "She has to be here somewhere. This is her jacket."

"I'll go check the operating rooms if you want." The intern stood and walked off, she just wanted to help.

"She has to be here." Ruby said, "we could ask the girl who had the jacket,did anyone see her face?"

* * *

"Did they fix your head?" Merida asked softly, Emma nodded.

"Did they fix your leg?"

"Yeah." She whispered, "Still freaking hurts though and I'm not allowed to use crutches."

"Wheelchairs aren't that bad."

 _"Suuure_."

"Okay, they're hell." Emma laughed, "at least you're alive."

"Because of you." She smiled, "you don't have to be here."

"I want to be here."  
"No, you're hiding."

"Okay."

"You are." She said softly, "your friends are probably looking all over for you and you're in here."

"Just shut up and drink your water."

"Snippy." Merida said softly, "I wonder where my mom is."

"I don't know."

"The least they could have done is give you a change of clothes. Like really, walking around here with blood all over you."

"It's mostly yours."

"I'm sorry there was a gaping hole in my leg." She sat up, or tried too. She fell back against the pillows, "Did you see what they did to your jacket."

"Yeah, thanks for that."

"You're the one who tied it around my leg."

"You're the one who pulled that thing out."

"You're the one who...let me think of something." She said softly, "Who...broke up with that guy."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't know yet." Someone walked in.

"Just checking to see how you're doing." Walsh said as he made his way for the bed.

"That's code for checking on Emma." She whispered. Emma rolled her eyes and he sat in the other chair beside the bed, across from Emma.

"I'm alive" Merida said, Emma's phone started to ring and it scared her, she went so long without signal she forgot it even worked. It was Killian. She straightened.

"Emma." Merida said softly, "who is it?"

"No one." She set it down and let it ring.

"Is it dude!" She shouted and grabbed the phone, "Killiannnn"

"Don't." Emma said softly and she looked at her before pressing the "end call" button and set it down.

"What exactly happened?" She asked, "He's probably freaking out. He probably thinks you're dead. And you can't give him the luxury of knowing your heart's still beating."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Yeah you do"

"No I don't."

"Walsh, does she want to talk about it?"  
"I think she does." He said, propping his feet up and tilting his head at her.

"Nope." She stood

"Where are you going?"

"The morgue." She said softly.

"Why?"

"Gotta go see someone." She walked out.

"She's an odd one." Walsh said as he watched her leave, "but so pretty."

"She's taken, buddy, I think you need to calm down."

"You've had too much morphine."

"Have not."

* * *

"No one gave you anything to change into?" A man asked as he walked towards her, "What do you need?"

"There was someone on the plane with me, I just wanted to-"  
"See them?"

"If that's okay" Emma said softly, "I don't know his name." She gave a physical description and he nodded.

"His name was Walter." He said as he stepped over to a table, "Died on impact. He wasn't in any pain. His daughter was just here." He pulled the white sheet back, "a lot of people were killed, I've never seen this many bodies come in at once."

"Yeah."

"Just wave after wave." he shrugged, "I'll give you a minute, but you really can't be back here."

"Thank you." Emma said softly and she looked down, he wasn't wearing his glasses, must've fallen off during the crash. She didn't want to think about how it must've been, here one second and then nothing. She ignored how cold it was in this room, her blood covered tank top doing nothing to help fight it. She really wished they hadn't massacred her jacket. They didn't have to cut it, they could have untied it. She's not that good at tying knots. After well over a minute he came back and told her he had to leave since the family was coming in to see him one more time. She nodded and left, heading back to Merida's room.

* * *

Emma left her phone behind, so when it started ringing again, Merida jumped and grabbed it, too foggy to read the name since someone came in a few minutes ago to give her more medicine. She didn't even remember it was Emma's.

"Mom?" She asked as she answered it.

"No?" A man said through the speaker and she groaned.

"Can you like...call my mom?"

"Who is this and why do you have Emma's phone?" He asked an unnecessary edge to his voice.

"Oh." She said softly, "I don't remember."

"Where is she?" He asked softly and she straightened. Blinking as she tried to remember where she went.

"Oh." She said, "She's in the morgue." She smiled.

" _Merida._ " Walsh's eyes were huge and she looked at him confused because she didn't see the problem. He hung up on her before she could say anything else.

"Rude." She said as she turned the phone in her hands.

"You just told him she's dead."

"I did?" And then she realized how her words must have sounded, "Oh crap."

"I think that's enough morphine for you." He said softly. She groaned.

"Emmmmaaaaa"

"What?" She asked as she walked in. She closed the door and sat down, "Why do you have my phone?"

"You left it and someone called."

"Oh god."

"I might have accidentally told the caller you're dead."

" _How?_ "  
"I told him you were in the morgue."

"Oh my god." She ran a hand through her hair, still gross with blood. "Merida."

"It was an accident."

"Who did you tell?" She knew who.

"Uuuh." She thought for a second, "He had a voice that made me want him to read me a bedtime story."

"Killian?" She asked

"Maybe."

"Damn you."

"Hey go tell him you're not dead." Merida said with a tiny smile. Emma glared at her, "You could call him."

"I don't want to talk to him"

"Well the man thinks you're dead."

"Why did you say that?"

"He asked where you were." She said softly, "I am many things, but a liar, no."

"You're high." Walsh laughed.

"Not funny" Emma's glared at him too.

"It's a little funny."

"No." She said softly and then stood, "It's not."

* * *

They were in a room with the woman who had been helping them all morning, the lights hurt his eyes, probably because he hasn't been sleeping. She was unzipping body bags and stepping aside so he could peer in.

"No." He said and she moved to the next one. Ruby was sobbing into Elsa's shoulder. Which was making it hard for him to hold it together. He took a deep breath as she unzipped another, the body was upside down in this one. Blonde hair fanning out and matted with blood.

"Good god." She said, "People are so disrespectful." She reached in and turned her over.

"No" he said again.

"I have one question for you." She said softly

"What?"

"Was she pregnant?"

"What?"

"Was she pregnant?"

"No." He said, "Not that I know of."

"Aright so she's rolled out. She's eight months pregnant." She said softly and moved away from that unzipped body bag. "Poor thing."

"That's sad."

"Yeah. Ten more to go." She said and then sighed, "I told you most of the bodies haven't been identified yet. You're not even supposed to be back here." She said and they looked through the rest but none of them were Emma. Which meant she must've been somewhere else. Which didn't make any sense. A man stepped in.

"Who are you looking for?"

"Emma Swan." She said softly

"Did you say Emma Swan?"

"Yes."

"Well I don't know her last name but there was a Emma in here a few minutes ago." He said as he wrote something down, "She was a bloody mess."

"But she was alive?"

"Yes." He said, "Blonde?"

"Yes."

"Green eyes?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah she was in here." He said softly, "came to look at a body. Someone who sat next to her on the plane. I told her she shouldn't be in here, but she looked so exhausted I didn't fight it."

"She's somewhere, then, alive?" Elsa asked and Ruby pulled away, wiping her tears. She ran out of the room and into the emergency room. They were just about to ask what she was doing when she took a deep breath.

"EMMA SWAN!" She shrieked and everything stopped, crazy girl screaming for a person in the middle of the emergency room. She was about to do it again but Killian covered her mouth.

"While effective, you'll get arrested, let's just try and look for her." He whispered in her ear.

* * *

"So, you're single, then?" Walsh asked as they stood in the hallway outside Merida's room. She rolled her eyes.

"This is not the time to hit on me." She said softly.

"I was just asking a simple question."  
"Yes, Kind of, I don't know." She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed, "I don't know."

"Well when you figure it out, you should give me a call."

"Excuse me?" She asked, "Are you insane. There was just an awful accident and you're hitting on me?"

"Maybe it was fate."  
"Okay...uh…" She walked off, "bye."

"Emma Swan!" She stopped, where did that come from? It sounded like Ruby. Emma sighed and took off running to find them, if they thought she was dead, the least she could was show them she wasn't. She saw them before they saw her.

"Ruby." She said and when she didn't hear her, she said it a little louder, "Ruby!" She yelled and she turned quickly, "You can't just scream in the middle of a hospital."

"Emma." She was smacking Elsa as she tried to get her attention. She was talking to a doctor. "Emma." Ruby said again and then broke into a run, slamming into her and nearly knocking her over, "I told them" She said as she clung to her, "I told them you weren't dead."

"Did you really think I'd let a plane take me out?" She asked, "Ruby, you're hurting me."

"Sorry." She said and quickly let go, only to grab on again.

"I'm okay" She said softly, "I'm not going anywhere." And then Elsa was in on it. Colliding with both of them. "Okay...ow."

"Sorry." They both said as they stepped back, keeping her at arm's length.

"Swan?" Killian questioned as he walked over.

"Hey." She said softly and she let him embrace her, only because he spent the last few days thinking she was dead. She wasn't forgetting that fight. She wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed.

"I thought you were dead."

"I know." She said softly, "I'm okay." She stepped away from him, putting distance.


	23. Chapter 23

It was a few weeks after the fact, she wouldn't talk to him. Not really, she said hi if she passed him on the street but that was as far as it went. At first when she came home after the plane crash and said she was still leaving, he didn't fight it because she'd been through alot and she needed space. Now he pretty much knew he should have fought for her to stay. The only time they had an actual conversation was when she came to his classroom one night.

She knocked gently on the doorframe and he spun in his chair, expecting to see one of his students but there she stood, a sweater and blue jeans, hair down and cascading beautifully down her shoulders. She shifted uncomfortably as she closed the door.

"Swan." He said softly, he wanted to know why she was here, maybe she wanted to finally talk about it, maybe she wanted to come home, maybe she still wanted him. He wanted her, but she just looked at him, biting her lip as she dug her hand in her pocket and took out her car keys.

"Uh...I was just going to give it to Elsa, but she's not…"

"She left an hour ago."

"I realize that." Emma said softly as she went through her keys, her fingers closed around the silver little house key he'd given her. She tore it from the ring and held it out to him, "I don't need it anymore."

"Emm-"

"Take it." She said softly, not daring to step closer to him because if she did he'd reach for her. She'd let his fingers close around hers and who knew what would happen next. When he made no movement, no signs he was taking it, she crossed the room and set it on a stack of papers on his desk before turning and trying to retreat quickly.

"Emma how many times do I have to tell you, I'm sorry."

"I don't want t-"

"Can we please just talk about this?" He got up this time, standing far enough away she didn't feel ambushed.

"I don't want to talk about this." She said softly, "It's done."

"Emma please"

"Bye Killian." She turned away from him and walked out the door.

Her stuff was still in his house, well, only some things. Ruby was doing a good job clearing it. Emma never told her what happened between them and she didn't ask, it wasn't her business. All she wanted to know was if he hurt her. She'd respond with "not physically" as if he'd be able to hurt her like _that._ One, he could never lay a hand on a woman and two, she'd kick his ass. She'd have him on the floor before he even touched her. She lived with Ruby for a week and a half before moving, just packing up and leaving like she always did, the only person who knew where she was, was Ruby and she wasn't telling him anything. He didn't have her number either, she'd gotten a new phone. Mary Margaret didn't even know where she was located, she didn't have her number either. Emma did that because she knew the second she got the chance, her friend would go straight to Killian and relay the information.

He sat with Mary Margaret on her couch as she held little Oliver and Josh was lying on the floor, coloring.

"I don't think Graham knows either." She said softly

"Does she still work with him?"

"Nope, turned in her badge the morning after getting back from the hospital. She doesn't live in town anymore, that's why she never visits."

"I thought she'd come back." Killian said softly, "I thought if I gave her time she'd...but she doesn't want anything to do with me. How did I mess up that bad?"  
"What happened?"  
"It's not my right to tell. Ask her."

"She doesn't talk to me either. She won't even tell me where she lives, she's too afraid I'll tell you."

"Would you?"

"Probably."  
"It's so quiet in my house, now." It was quiet for a while and then the door came open.

"Mary Margaret I-" She stopped and stepped back, "I didn't know you were...uh."

"Emma, sit." Mary Margaret stood quickly, "I was just about to put the kids to bed."

"I should go." She said softly, stepping towards the door again. "I'll come back...later."

"Emma don't." Killian stood, "I'll leave."

"Killian you don't have t-"

"It's okay." He said, "I have to work tomorrow morning anyways." And with that he was out the door.

* * *

He didn't see her for days after that awkward encounter, but he caught Ruby in his house talking to Elsa, while she packed a small bag of Emma's clothes and was about to head out.

"Oh, uh. I was just leaving." She said softly as she grabbed the grocery bag from the table, a plastic bag he could see right through. She tried to hide it, but at that point he already saw it.

"Going to see Emma?" He asked, not taking his eyes off it.

"Yeah." She said softly, "Killian-"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"I-"

"Is that a pregnancy test?" He asked, his heart hammering in his chest, if that was for Emma, he thought he may fall over.

"It is." She said softly, "It's for me."

"What?"

"After Dorothy broke up with me...I.." She shifted, "I got a little slutty." He nodded slowly, he wasn't buying it and she knew it.

"Uh-huh."  
"Emma said she'd help me…"

"Right."

"I should go." She whispered and rushed passed him, she quickly got in her car and drove off. Elsa came down the stairs.

"We both know that wasn't for her." She said as she walked, "Killian you need to find out where she is."

"She doesn't want me."

"If there's a baby involved it doesn't matter if she wants you."

* * *

"Emma!" Ruby called as she walked in, Emma was stretched out on her sofa, feet dangling off the arm. She sat up. "I got…"

"Give it."

"I got more than one, just in case." She said softly as she got the tests out of the bag, "I have two." She handed them over and went in the bathroom. Ruby sat outside the door.

"You know, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't have had sex." Emma said as she unzipped her pants. Ruby rolled her eyes.

"Oh please."

"I'm serious." She said, "We weren't even thinking about it."

"Lies. Emma you wanted him the second you saw him. Miss, _maybe we could have a one night stand._ "

"Okay. B-"

"Emma." Ruby said, suddenly serious, "Killian saw the test."

"What!?" She shouted, "Ruby."

"I told him it was mine but he didn't buy it."

"Because he knows you're gay!"

"Bisexual"

"Whatever!"

"Emma, what are you going to do?" She asked, "If it's positive?"

"I don't know."

"You have to tell him." She said softly, "He needs to know."

"He'll want some white picket fence life with me."

"Emma."

"Or he'll say, _oh my god, I can't do this._ And never talk to me again."

"You can't do this by yourself."

"I won't be by myself." Emma said stepping out of the bathroom. Ruby got off the floor and folded her arms over her chest.

"I am not playing daddy to your child because you're too afraid to tell him."

"I took the first one, so now we wait."

"Alright. How long?"

"Like fifteen minutes."

"Emma, what happened between the two of you?" Ruby asked softly, "You can tell me."

"I don't...I don't want to talk about it." She said, she remembered the way he shouted at her, how her stomach felt when he raised his voice, the way she prayed she wouldn't puke right there. Then how he apologized over and over and begged her to stay but she still left. "You know, if I'm pregnant, he'll probably propose."

"He already has the ring."

" _What?_ "

"Oh." Ruby covered her mouth, "Oh damn did I say that outloud?"

"Yes."

"Uh….uh…" She was stuttering trying desperately to find something to change the subject, "So there's..this girl-"

"Ruby. You meant his mom's ring? The one that Elsa wore, right?" She shook her head.  
"No…" She said softly

"Oh my god."

"He was going to ask you after you guys got back from England, but then-"  
"Oh my god." Emma ran her hands over her eyes. "Are you serious?"

"I saw it, it's really pretty."  
"I'm going to be sick."

"Ew, not on the carpet." Ruby said softly, "he asked for it back when he realized you weren't coming home. I don't know what he did with it."

"What do you mean, he asked for it back?"

"Uh." Ruby rocked on her heels, "I held onto it so you didn't accidentally find it in a drawer somewhere."

"How long did he have it, when did he buy it?"

"Remember that day you got hit by a car?"

"Yes."

"He got it after that."

"Oh my god."

"He didn't go to some store and buy it, Em, oh no. He got it custom made. This thing is wonderful." The timer went off.

"Why'd you have to tell me that?" Emma asked as she made her way to the bathroom, she brought the first test out and looked.

* * *

It was three in the morning when his phone rang. Anna and her misunderstanding of how timezones worked.

"Are you and Emma back together yet?" She asked

"Anna it's three in the morning."

"Answer me."

"No."

"This is all my fault." she said, "I just had to open my mouth."

"It's mine." He said softly, "I reacted horribly. I should have, I don't know, let her explain before I screamed at her." They talked for a little bit and then he needed to go back to sleep. He didn't get much sleep anymore. Maybe it was because he'd gotten used to having her curled up at his side while they slept, or maybe it was because her pillow still smelled like her shampoo. Either way, he needed her more than he thought possible and he wished he could hold her and tell her how much he missed her, but she wanted nothing to do with him.

* * *

Emma woke up with a start, cursing because this happened every night. She rolled onto her side and hugged the pillow to her chest. She closed her eyes but all she saw was bodies and smoke and people screaming. It's all she ever thought about now. God, she hated it. She buried her face in the pillow and sighed, a shaky breath coming from her lips. She looked at the clock, five fifteen in the morning. The exact time Killians alarm used to go off. She used to complain about how loud it was, how she didn't understand why he had to get up so early. He'd just laugh at her, kiss her cheek, tell her to go back to sleep and then he'd leave. Emma rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling, she missed him. She could call him, right now. He's up, drinking coffee and watching some of the morning news with Elsa. She knew his routine, he'll take a shower after he's finished with his coffee and then he'll leave. She knew his number by heart, she could call him and he'd answer. _Maybe_. She reached for her phone and dialed from memory. It rang a few times and she thought for sure he wouldn't pick up and then he did.  
"Hello?" He asked, confused because why would an unknown number be calling him? She didn't say anything, just listened to his voice. "Hello?" He said it again and then she heard Elsa, she was asking who it was, "I don't know who it is." She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself. "Hello? Who is this?" He said something then about not having time for this and almost hung up.

"Killian." Emma said softly.

"Swan?"  
"Yeah." She whispered.

"Are you okay?" He asked, "I thought you didn't want me to have your number."

"I just wanted...I don't know what I wanted."

"Are you okay?" He asked again.

"No." She said softly, wiping at the tear that was rolling down her cheek. "Can you just...I don't know. Talk?"

"About?"

"Anything." She said softly, he went straight into a new curriculum he was working on with the kids and then how Anna still called him and Elsa in the middle of the night because she didn't understand she was six hours ahead of them. That made her laugh a little.

"Do you want kids?" She asked suddenly, not even meaning too, it just slipped.

"Emma-"

"You don't have to answer that."

"Are you asking because you plan on coming back and having a future with me?"

"I-"

"Do you want children?" He asked.

"Not really."

"Should you come back to me, I won't make you have them if it's not what you want." He said softly, "I do hope you'll come back."

"Killian…"

"I miss you."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know…" she whispered and then hung up. That was a mistake, her hand went to her stomach, nausea twisting and turning in her belly. She quickly got up.


	24. Chapter 24

_"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply."_

 _-David Jones_

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Ruby asked as they sat on her couch, a wine bottle between her knees. She looked at Emma.

"Like I want to puke."

"Have you eaten today?"

"Nope."  
"Are you going to tell him?" She asked softly, shifting so she could face her, "Emma, are-"

"I don't know."

"I gave Mary Margaret your number. I didn't know if you wanted to me to do that or not."

"It's fine." It didn't matter, he already had her number because she was stupid and called him, she almost called him again two nights ago, when she woke up in a cold sweat and unable to breathe. She almost told him to come over, _almost_. Merida was here, sitting next to them, her crutches leaning on the arm of the couch. Ruby had to leave and she didn't want Emma to be alone, because she was getting worse.

"I think you should talk to someone." She said softly

"No."

"Emma, you've been through a lot."

"I don't need a shrink. I'm fine." She said firmly, "don't you have to work, it's a long drive back." Ruby nodded and got up.

"Get her to eat something." She said to Merida, who nodded. She left without another word. It was quiet, numbingly quiet.

"I got on a plane to visit you." Merida said softly, "That was an experience. It was terrifying. Every time it even shook a little bit I'd freak."

"Yeah."

"Walsh says hi."  
"Cool."

"I think he likes you."

"Yeah."

"Emma, full sentences please. I will smack you." she said, "Emma what happened to you? Why are you here?"

"Because I moved?"

"That's not what I mean."

"What do you mean, what happened to me? You don't even know me."

"Bitter." Merida said, "I'm going to ignore that."

"I'm sorry." She said softly, "I haven't been sleeping."

"Neither have I, you don't see me biting everyone's head off. There's an underlying issue here." She sighed, "Is it Killian?"

"Don't say his name."

"Killian."

"Stop." She snapped. It hurt to hear it, it hurt to say it, it hurt to freaking think about him.

"I see I was right."

"What are you going to do with that information?"

"Emma, what did he do to you?" She asked, "did he cheat on you?"

"No."

"Does he have a drinking problem and refuse to get help?"

"No."

"Did he hit you?" she asked.

"God no." Emma got up, "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to talk. So please, shut up." Merida bit her lip, she looked upset and Emma instantly felt bad. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know anything about you. Just what you tell me. What you told me while I was dying in your arms, that doesn't give you the right to speak to me like this."

"I'm sorry."

"I am not Ruby, I won't just get up and leave. I will hurt you." She said and folded her arms over her chest, "Now, Emma. I want to help you, I can't do that if you don't talk to me."

"Ruby doesn't even know."

"How bad was this?" She asked. Emma didn't answer. She shifted, wincing because her leg hurt and her medicine was wearing off. "Do you love him?"

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

"Merida."

"It's a simple question, yes I love him, no I don't." She sighed, "Emma, I won't march over to his house and tell him your answer. I don't care. I just want to know."  
"It doesn't matter now."

"It does matter, it always matters." She shrugged, "Do you love him." She was quiet, grabbing the wine bottle and putting it in the kitchen. She asked two more times. Each time Emma stayed quiet. "Emma!" She shouted, "Do you love him or not!"

"Yes!" She shouted, "Just stop asking me, okay? Stop."

"See? It matters."

* * *

He wanted to call her, talk to her again. He was starting to forget what her voice sounded like. Ruby rounded the corner and quickly approached him.

"I need to talk to you." She said and he stood, looking at Elsa. She was sitting in their usual seat in the diner, feeding Lydia. She nodded and he went over to the counter with Ruby. She leaned against it.

"She's not eating." She said softly, "Emma."

"What?"

"She's not sleeping."

"What do you want me to do?" He asked, because what could he do? He didn't know where she was.

"She's not okay."

"What do you need me to do?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you telling me, she's not okay?" He didn't need to know, he didn't want to know. Knowing she's miserable somewhere and he couldn't do anything, knowing she wasn't okay pretty much killed him. "Ruby where is she?"

"You know I can't tell you."

"I can't help if I don't know where she is."

"If you show up there, it'll just make everything worse."

"Help me fix this."

"What happened? I need to know, she won't talk about it, you won't talk about it. What was so bad, she can't even look at you?" She asked, "give me something to work with here." Killian sighed.

"I found out she had a son she didn't tell me about."

"What did you say to her?" She asked softly, "tell me. That couldn't have been pretty."

"It wasn't."

"What did you say?"

"I may have accused her of throwing him out like he was garbage."

"You did what?" She asked and just like that, she slapped him.

"Okay I deserved that." He said softly, "I didn't know about her parents, I didn't know what Neal did to her. I had no idea."

"But you knew she never had parents, she never had a family. You asshole."

"Hey."

"No. You knew. That should have been enough to bite your tongue. God, Killian. What the hell?" She ran a hand through her hair, "No, I'm not telling you where she is. I was going too, but now. No."

"Ruby-"

"No, don't go near her. Don't try to talk to her. Don't call her, don't even think about seeing her. Bullshit, I can't believe you had the audacity to say that to her."

* * *

It was midnight when his phone rang, he didn't look, just answered. He expected to hear Anna's voice but it wasn't her.

"Hi." Emma said softly. "I'm sorry, you were asleep."  
"It's okay." He said, "What is it?"

"I had a bad dream."

"About the plane crash?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No" she whispered, "I don't remember."

"Remember what?"

"I don't remember the last time we kissed." She said softly, "You'd think I'd be able to remember, but I can't. I don't remember how you tasted or how it happened, I don't remember where. It's like it never happened, it's just gone."

"Emma…"

"I don't remember, I want to remember, but I can't."

"It was the day you left." He said softly, "right before everything blew up."  
"Hm."

"I wanted to show you something, but you were looking at your phone so I took it."

"Oh."

"We were on the couch. It was soft, meant to distract you, but you ended up distracting me." He sighed, "You tasted like that peppermint and cinnamon coffee Anna insisted you try."

"That was awful." She said softly. He laughed.

"The coffee or the kiss?"

"The coffee." She sighed, "It was never awful when you kissed me."

"I'd hope not." He said softly, "I wish you were here."

"I know."

"I wish I never said those words to you."  
"I know."  
"Emma, I am so sorry."

"I know." She said softly, "You know what I wish?"  
"What?"

"I had died when that car hit me." She whispered, and he heard it, her voice break just a little. He heard her turn over, "I'm not suicidal or anything...I just…" She paused, "none of this would have happened if I were dead."

"Emma, don't say that."

"It's true." She said, "You know what else I wish?"

"Em-"

"That night when you found me crying and I couldn't speak...and you came in and sat on the bed next to me. I wish you would've kissed me then, but I couldn't speak, I couldn't tell you that's what I wanted. When you asked me, I couldn't tell you." She sighed, "I wish I could go a day without thinking about you."

"Emma-"  
"I wish I never went to have breakfast with Mary Margaret that morning, I wish I didn't agree to watch your class while you went out, I wish I didn't go with her to the library that day, I wish I never talked to you, never looked at you. I wish I could have done what I always did with guys, ignored you." She paused, "I wish I never called you, never went to you that night when you read to me. I wish I never allowed myself to be yours."

"Emma s-"

"I love you." She laughed, "Funny. I knew from the very beginning how unbelievably screwed I was. You're treading dangerous waters, Emma. I didn't care, I wanted you to drown me. I wanted you from the very beginning, I knew that, you knew that. Now, it's not a want. I don't want you."

"Emma, stop talking." He didn't want to hear how much she didn't want him anymore. He couldn't handle it.

"I need you. It's this stupid incessant need that's gnawing away at me. I can't eat, or sleep, or think. You did that to me. You made me need you. I can't freaking function, you bastard, look at what you did."

"Emma, I-"

"I wish I never met you."

"Swan-"

"I'd be okay, I'd be fine. Right now, I'd be managed. I wouldn't have wanted you because I wouldn't have known you." She said softly, "I want to go back."

"Emma, I need to see you."

"No."

"Please." He said softly, "Emma, please."

"I can't."

"Please. Let me fix this."

"There's no fixing it." she whispered, "Bye." And just like that, she hung up on him.

* * *

A/N: THIS HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU

I'm sorry.


	25. Chapter 25

He was drunk, stupidly and disgustingly drunk. Laying on the couch where he passed out an hour ago. Beer bottles littering the house, Elsa sighed.

"Killian." She said softly, "Wake up." When he didn't stir, made no movement she couldn't even tell if he was breathing, she grabbed a bottle by the neck and slammed it down on the corner of the coffee table, shattering it into a million pieces. He shot up, rubbing his eyes.

"Jesus Christ, Elsa." He groaned, "What th-"

"You're lucky my kids aren't here." She folded her arms over her chest, "you need to get a grip."

"You need to stay out of it."

" _Excuse me?_ "

"You heard me." He got up, stumbling a little bit, "Stay out of it." He was walking away from her, to his office and she followed.

"I know this is a crappy situation but you don't get to talk to me like this." She snapped, "What would Liam say?"

"Liam is dead!" He shouted, "And before you say it, because I know you will." He turned, "Milah is dead." He said, "Everyone who would give a shit, is dead! So, stop it."

"Killian. What happened?"

"I'm losing her." He threw the door open and it slammed against the wall, "She told me she loved me, that she needed me. And now she won't answer her phone, or the hundreds of texts I sent her, Ruby won't tell me where she is. Mary Margaret won't let me in the apartment when I know she's in there with her." He ran a hand through his hair, "I lost her."

"No you didn't."

"Yes, yes I did."

"Killian." She said softly and she walked in with him. He was looking for something, spilling the contents of his desk drawers onto the floor. "What are you doing?"

"She hid it."

"What?"

"I know for a fact she didn't take it with her." He said as he ran his fingers along one of the bookcases before just throwing the books on the floor. They all came down with a slam and Elsa jumped.

"Stop it."

"She said she wished she never met me. Who says that?" He asked, "Who tells someone they're supposed to love that? Does she know how much that hurts?" Another bookcase full of books hit the floor.

"Killian please stop."

"Does she realize? Does she understand the pain she caused?" He kicked the books out of his way and went to the other bookcase, running his fingers along the spines and then slamming them on the floor. "I don't think she does. I think maybe she's incapable of understanding."

"Why are you doing this?"

"If she had just told me sooner…" He shook his head, "I had to hear it from your sister." He sighed, "If she had just kept her mouth shut-"

"Don't bring my sister into this!"

"She's already in it! She caused this!" He shouted, "She shouldn't have told me!"

"You pressured her!" Elsa shouted, "Emma is the one who didn't tell you! Emma is the one who kept it from you! Do not blame Anna for this."

"None of you should even know! She didn't want anyone to know! I can understand why, you guys all look at her like she's some...bomb ready to explode."

"Killian. I never once-"

"Yes you did, you all did. Hell, even I did. I looked at her like she was some fragile bird." More books hit the floor.

"What are you looking for!?" Elsa shouted and he picked one up, book with a pale pink cover, the word "Emma" on the front. He traced it with his finger.

"I gave this to her." He said softly, "I knew she wouldn't take it."

"Killian."

"Did you know on May tenth, nineteen thirty-three…" He paused as he brushed passed her and she followed quickly, "the German Student Union held a book burning."

"Killian don't."

"They burned an upwards of twenty-five thousand books." He was headed for the fireplace, which was lit, "in Berlin they burned over forty thousand. Ah, history is lovely."

"Killian don't you dare." She was walking over in an attempt to stop him, he doesn't do this. He freaked out when Emma used a book to kill a bug. "Killian."

"It was a joyous celebration. They had live music and fire oaths and singing." He was looking at the back, running his hand over the pages. "No, to decadence and moral corruption." He said softly and then dropped it in the fire before walking away.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Elsa shrieked, she reached for it, grabbing it before too much damage could be done. It was really hot, so it burned her hand and she dropped it on the hardwood floor.

"Ah, a real Liesel Meminger on our hands!" He shouted enthusiastically. When she didn't get it, he rolled his eyes, "The Book Thief? By Markus Zusak? God, don't you read?"

"You need to get a hold of yourself before my children come home." She said softly.

"Should probably clean this up." he motioned around the room at the bottles and books littering the room. "Wouldn't want to corrupt the tiny minds."

"I don't have to stay here, I don't have to deal with this."

"Then for godsake, _leave!_ " He shouted as he mounted the stairs. She jumped when she heard the door slam.

* * *

"Are you feeling okay?" Mary Margaret asked softly, she wasn't. She felt sick to her stomach, maybe it was because of the fact she hadn't been eating or sleeping, maybe it was because she might be pregnant. She couldn't bring herself to take another test because one was negative and one was positive and she didn't want to deal with that. Not right now. "Emma you look tired. Maybe you should try and get some sleep."

"Yeah, okay." She said sarcastically. "That'll happen."

"Do you want some wine?"

"I can't drink wine."

"Why?" She asked softly, she just looked at her, Emma didn't want to say it, not out loud, not yet. Not until she was sure. "Oh." She said softly, "does he know?"

"What do you think?"  
"Emma, you have to tell him."

"No I don't."

"Emma."

"Stop." She said softly, "I don't even know if...I can't deal with that right now."

"Emma." Mary Margaret gave her that look, that mom look. "Remember that time you forced me to tell David?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"You wanted the damn kid." She said softly.

"Emma. Come on. You're thinking about-"

"No." She whispered, "I could give it up. Give it away, he'd never have to know. Or maybe he could know, be so much easier to let go of him if he had more of a reason to hate me."

"Don't talk like that."

"I've done it before."

"Emma, you're not giving it up."

"You don't get a say."

"Okay, I understand, you're scared. You really need to think about this. Okay? Do you need to take another test? We could go down and get your blood drawn, are you having symptoms?"  
"No."

"Maybe it was a false positive."

"Maybe." There was a knock on the door and David got up to answer it, she was praying it wasn't him. It wasn't but she still wanted to hide knowing who was there.

"Emma." Elsa said softly, there were tears in her eyes and her hand was wrapped in bandages, "I need to talk to you." Oh god, he's dead. That was her first thought and she tried not to think about that as she got up and followed her out into the hall. David closed the door behind them.

"Is he dead?" She asked softly. Elsa shook her head, "did he...did he hurt you?" She gestured at Elsa's hand. Elsa's tears fell.

"He didn't." She said softly, "but he could have, I believe that."

"What happened?"

"Stella misses you. She doesn't understand why you don't come around anymore. That, when you broke up with Killian, you broke up with all of us. She's upset because you didn't say goodbye. You never say goodbye."

"Elsa. What happened?"

"I thought...I knew he'd drink, he always turns to liquor when bad things happen, you should have seen him with Milah. God." She shook her head, "That was bad."

"Elsa." Emma said firmly.

"Do you remember what I told you...when you came to the house to get Ruby's essay? What I said to you?"

"Yes."

"That you could help him, not necessarily fix him, but you could mend him." She swallowed, "and you did, for a little while, you did. You were doing a fantastic job keeping him together, but now. Emma, you broke him."

"I-"

"And I'm not talking a small crack, a tear in the pretty white paper that is Killian Jones. You ripped him to shreds. You took him in your hands and you threw him off a balcony. He is _shattered._ You did that." She pointed at her, her finger jabbing her in the chest, "He is actually going insane. Mad, crazy, whatever word you want to use, I don't care. And the thing is, he doesn't blame you. At all. He doesn't blame you for any of it."

"Elsa-"

"No, he blames Anna. He blames Anna because she said the words that you couldn't. I liked you. I really did."

"Elsa-"

"You were good for him, you were amazing, I've never seen him so happy. Not even with Milah and he loved her, he loved her a lot. He was broken when she died, he didn't want anyone else. Liam tried to get him to...move on, find someone else. He wouldn't do it. Then he saw _you_." She said the word "you" like it was the most disgusting thing she's ever had to say, "You were shiny and new and you peeked his interest. All of a sudden, the pain he felt, the grief, the guilt, it all went away when he was with you."

"I didn't m-"

"And I hate myself because I encouraged it. I made him believe there was something here. Something that could be beautiful." She wiped at her tears, "I was wrong."

"Elsa...pl-"

"Don't talk." She hissed, "You single handedly destroyed him. You were the one who defused and then detonated the bomb inside him." She pushed her, "I'm going to go home, I'm going to stop him from from burning more of his books and I am going to attempt to fix what you so selfishly broke."  
"He's burning his books?"

"Don't come near us again, don't talk to him, don't call him. Stay away from him." She left, walking down the hall quickly and leaving Emma there.

* * *

She went when she knew no one was around, the driveway clear of any cars. There was a key under a rock by the door, he must not have known she knew that. So she used it to get in. Thankful he didn't change the locks. It was eerily quiet, she always hated being here alone, it was rare she ever was. Anna or Kris was always here, but they weren't here anymore. So it was quiet, her shoes hitting the floor, the sound almost too loud. Emma looked around, good god it was awful. Glasses spewed around the house, some still had alcohol in them. She sighed and went into the kitchen, got a trash bag from under the sink and started throwing bottles away. She cleared the coffee table of any and all trash before heading to the kitchen and doing the same, she did the dishes, cleared the glasses from the living room, the liquid still cold in one, ice still frozen. She bit her lip and poured it down the drain, she disposed of the full trash bag and headed to his office. It worse than she thought, his books were on the floor. All of the bookshelves were empty, there were probably hundred of books, this would take hours. She sighed and started sorting through them, sitting on the floor and grabbing some, she sorted and put away books for an hour. She didn't even hear the door open.

"Elsa?" He questioned, "are you here?" He must've noticed the house was cleaner than he left it, "I would have gotten it." His footsteps were headed towards her. Her heart stopped, what would he do when he saw her? "I'm sorry about the othe-"

"Why are you home so early?" Emma asked softly, it was only eleven.

"Emma…" he looked around, her back was turned to him, but she felt his eyes boring into her and it was enough to make her regret coming here. "Why are you-"

"Did you organize your books by title or author, I can't remember." She said softly.

"Emma-"

"I know it was alphabetical...and it gets on your nerves when people mess with it." She was picking up more books and reading the covers before placing them in a pile. "And you have a few copies of several of these. I don't know…"

"Emma, what are you doing here?"

"I didn't know you knew french."

"Emma."

"Hm?"

"Why are you here?" He asked for the hundredth time. She shrugged and then pointed at the curtain.

"How long has that stain been there?" She asked before climbing on the desk and reaching to take it off the rod. The thing is, she lost her footing and fell, he was quick though, catching her and holding her. He set her back on her feet, but cupped her face in his hands.

"Look at you." He whispered, "When's the last time you slept?"

"Where's your stain remover?" She asked as she tore away from him, carrying the curtain in her arms as she went. "I know you have some." She said as she laid the fabric out on the counter in the kitchen and then started looking through cabinets.

"Emma are you okay?" He asked as he followed her to the laundry room. She searched the cabinets and smiled.

"Victory." she walked passed him and back to the kitchen. She sprayed the stain that he couldn't even see and started scrubbing it. "Gosh, what is on this thing?"

"Emma…" he said carefully. She groaned rolling her eyes because she was annoyed.

"It's not coming out." She abandoned the curtain and went back to the laundry room. "When's the last time you did laundry?"

"It was Elsa's turn…"

"Well, she failed." Emma started the washing machine and put clothes in, "Do you even have detergent?" She searched the cabinets again, "Oh, here it is." She grabbed the green bottle and started pouring it in.

"Who are you and what have you done with Emma?"

"Man, I am starving." She said softly and walked passed him, back to the kitchen, she opened the fridge.

"Uh"

"Goddammit" She said and she pulled out an empty carton of orange juice, "how many times do I have to tell you people?" She asked, "If it's empty, _throw it away_." He nodded

"Noted."

"It expired a week ago." She shook her head, "You guys...I swear." He was on the phone, calling someone. This wasn't Emma.

"Ruby."

"What?" She sounded very annoyed, "I'm not telling you where she is."

"You don't have to, she's at my house."

"Why?"

"I think she snapped." He said watching as she started washing the freaking windows, ignoring her search for food. "She's cleaning."

"Emma doesn't clean."

"She's cleaning everything. Literally. If she scrubs any harder I won't have a window left."

"Oh…"

"She won't talk to me. Not really she just keeps cleaning." She wasn't paying attention to him, had moved onto the livingroom, to fix up the couch. "Emma, are you okay?" He asked her again, but she didn't look up.

"Maybe she's nesting?"

" _Nesting_?" He asked, "I don't know what that means."

"You know...when a pregnant woman suddenly gets the urge to clean the whole house and organize...you know?"

" _What?_ " He ran a hand through his hair, "Is she-"

"She thinks so."

"When was she planning on telling me this?"  
"I don't know." Ruby said, "When she knew for sure. Hey, maybe she just snapped."

"Or her body got possessed by a Spanish maid named Esmeralda?"

"Oh god is she speaking Spanish?"

"No."

"I don't know what to do, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, bring Emma back?"

"What do you want me to do? Splash holy water on her and hit her with a Bible?" She asked, "because I can't do that."

"I don't know what to do here."

"I have to go. Figure something out." She hung up. Killian sighed. He found her by the door, sitting on the floor, the rug in her lap as she sprayed it down and scrubbed at the dirt. She didn't look up at him.

"Emma." He said softly, "Heyyy." He knelt down, "Let's stop cleaning now." He reached for the towel in her hand and she pulled away sharply and kept going. "Emma. Give me the-"

"There's like years of dirt in this thing." She said as she scrubbed.

"Yeah...it's to wipe your feet on."

"You could clean it once in awhile." She rolled her eyes, "Men."

"Okay now, that's just sexist." He reached again, "Let's finish this later."

"No, I have to clean it now."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, "I just _reallly_ have to clean it now."

"We need to talk, love."

"I'm a little busy."

"Emma, you are scrubbing a rug." He said, "You are on the floor, hand cleaning a massive rug."

"Because it needs it, gosh you'd never know three women used to live here." She didn't look at him, "Christ."

"Okay. That's it." He grabbed her and pulled her up with him. "Come on."

"Where?"

"You're sitting on a couch, not a floor, that can't be comfortable." He carried her and she didn't fight it, just looked extremely irritated.

"I was busy." She said as he sat her on the couch.

"Stay." He said as he sat down.

"I'm not a dog." She folded her arms over her chest.

"I'm aware."

"I'm bored." She huffed, "Okay what do you want to talk about?"

"Are you serious?" He asked, "Everything that's been going on?" She bit her lip and then sighed.

"I'd rather not."

"Emma."

"Not today." She said softly, "how long has that been there?" She pointed at the spilled candle wax on the coffee table. She jumped up and went back into the laundry room. "I need one of those scrapey things that you use to scrape the ice off your windshield." He followed her, watching her sift through the cabinets again. He sighed and grabbed her, turning her around to face him and then just kissed her. She tensed and then relaxed and tangled her fingers in his hair. He lifted her and sat her on the washing machine, not breaking this kiss. It was filled with weeks of need and want and he could hardly stop. She made a noise before pulling away.

"M, no." She said and then jumped, "nope."

"Emm-"

"Uh-uh." She was walking quickly, towards the front door.

"Emma wa-"

"Nope." She was gone, closing the door with a soft click.


	26. Chapter 26

"This'll be good for her, just don't tell Killian you were here." Ruby said softly, "got that kid?" Stella nodded.

"She won't remember the address." Elsa said squeezing her daughter's hand gently, "Are you sure-"

"She'll be fine." Ruby knocked and there was a loud noise, like someone dropped something inside. "Please don't tell him where she is."

"I won't."

"Good." She whispered and the door opened. Emma stood, red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. She looked like a wreck.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, swaying against the door, "You're the last person I expected to see."

"Stella wan-"

"I'm a little busy." Emma said softly and went to close the door. Ruby's hand stopped her.

"Emma, she came all this way to see you. Don't be like that." Ruby pushed the door back open and she turned. "Can we come in?"

"Don't knock. You know not to knock." She said softly and then she let them in, "Just walk in."

"Uh...there was a loud noise when the plane crashed." Ruby whispered and Elsa nodded, "She doesn't like it when you knock and whatever you do, do not drop a plate around her."

"Gotcha." Elsa nodded. Emma sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she sat on the couch. She didn't say anything but she returned the hug Stella gave her and even smiled.

"Mommy says you're sick." Stella said softly and Emma shook her head.

"No." She whispered, "I'm okay."

"Why did you leave?"

"Ruby can you take her somewhere, I need to talk to Elsa." Emma straightened.

"Emm-"

"Please."

"It's okay." Elsa said softly. Ruby took the little girl's hand and walked out the door, whispering that they'll come back in a second. As soon as it shut Emma got off the couch and crossed the room to her. She was fuming.

"I'm going to ask again. Why are you here?" She asked softly.

"Stella wanted to see you."

"You told me. You told me to stay away from you and your kids and Killian. So, you bring her here? What game are you playing?"  
"What are you talking about?"

"Do you want me around or not? Doing this, bringing her here is just going to make it worse."

"Emm-"

"I get it, you're pissed at me because I didn't tell him that very delicate and very hard to talk about part of my life. You're mad, Anna and Kris are mad, Killian's mad. Everyone is mad. I get it."

"He's not mad."

" _Right_."

"Emma, he's not angry with you. He just wants you back."

"Stop messing with me!" She shouted, "You told me to stay away, you told me to leave you guys alone. I'm doing it. And now you're saying he wants me. What do you want me to do, Elsa?"

"I'm sorry, I was upset. I didn't mea-"

"I was going to go talk to him." She said softly, "I was about to, that's why I was at Mary Margaret's, I was asking her to help me. I didn't know what to say. And then you showed up and you said all those things and I thought. I can't go over there now."

"Emma you can sti-"

"No, I can't. I went over the other day and I cleaned the house, I wanted to make sure Stella didn't have to come home and trip over empty bottles of beer and a house that smelled like hard liquor."

"That was you?"

"Yeah."

"He didn't say anything."

"He kissed me and I got the hell out of there."

"That explains the mood he was in."

"Sorry."  
"It's okay." Elsa said softly, "I don't hate you, and Anna she doesn't either. I just want this to end. Okay? I just want this over."

"I don't know what to do."

"If you could talk to him, that'd be great."

* * *

He was reading when he heard the door to his office open, the sky had darkened and he was wondering where she had gone.

"Where were you?" He asked.

"Emma's." Elsa said softly, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

"Then why did you?" He didn't look up from his book, "kind of defeats the purpose of promising not to tell."

"I think this whole thing with her has less to do with you and more to do with the plane crash."

"It's very traumatizing." He said as he turned the page, he still didn't look up, like this was a normal conversation, "People don't just get over something like that."

"Can you drive?"

"What?" He looked up this time.

"Did you drink?"

"No."

"So you can drive."

"Yes."

"Okay." Elsa took out a piece of paper, "I shouldn't, but I'm going too." She held it out, "It's her address."

"Elsa."

"She's going to be mad. Oh well, add it to the list of things to hate me for. I don't care. Just take it." He did, looking at the address and sighing, "you should get her to eat something. She could hardly stand. If anyone can get her to eat it's you." She went to walk away but stopped, "and don't knock on the door, it freaks her out. Just walk in."

"That'll go well."

"She can deal with it." He got up and whispered a thank you before leaving. He stopped at the diner and got an order of onion rings and a cup full of cinnamon and hot cocoa. He didn't think Ruby would be there and he didn't want to know what she'd do if she found him at Emma's.

It took an hour, he didn't think she'd move that far away but she did, in an apartment that was falling apart around her, it was probably all she could afford. He wrapped his hand around the knob and walked in. Ruby turned quickly.

"Dude." She whispered, "What are you doing?!"

"She can't keep avoiding me."

"Elsa told you?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She whispered, "She's in the shower. I'm going to leave now, but if she's not out in twenty minutes kick down the damn door."

"Alright."

"If she doesn't want to talk please don't push." She said softly, "Okay, because she'll run and this time she won't tell _anyone_ where she is." With that she was out the door and he was laying food out on the table in the kitchen.

"Ruby, I-" Emma walked out of the bathroom and stopped. "Wha-"

"You should really lock your door, I could have been a burglar." Killian said softly and she stepped back.

"How d-"

"Elsa."

"I knew she'd do that."

"Come here."

"No."

"Swan." He said firmly. _Don't say it._ "Come to me." _Dammit._ She walked over slowly and he grabbed her shoulders to steer her towards a chair.

"How do you do that?"

"Eat."

"I'm not h-"

"Yes you are."

"Onion rings?"

"Of course." He smiled, "And fries."

"Where did Ruby go?"

"Home I'd imagine." He said softly as he sat in the chair next to her. "Eat. I'm not leaving until you do."

"I'm not hun-"  
"Emma, you're shaking." He slid the food in front of her, "You could barely stand, Elsa told me. You're going to pass out and end up in the hospital, do you know what'll happen after that?"

"What?"

"They'll strap you down." He ran his finger up and down the side of her neck in a way that gave her goosebumps, "They'll stick a tube down that pretty little throat of yours."

"Feeding tubes go in the stomach." She said softly and he leaned into her ear.

"Argument still stands." He whispered, "Now eat. Or I'll strap you down."

" _Please._ "

"Emma." He laughed, "Now is not the time."

"Are you just going to sit here and watch?"

"Yup." He grabbed a fry and shoved it in her mouth. She almost died, coughing and eventually just spitting it out.

"Okay I get it. Gosh." She took a bite of an onion ring and swallowed, not breaking eye contact the whole time. "Happy?"

"Eat all of it." He said softly and she rolled her eyes. He smiled when she took another bite and then another, "That's a good girl."

"You're getting off on this."

"No." He shrugged. "Eat, love." She shifted, watching her probably made her uncomfortable, but he just wanted to make sure she was eating it and not just disposing of it while he wasn't looking. Besides, he liked looking at her. She was fresh from a shower so her hair was wet and sticking to her face, the shirt she was wearing was wet and clinging to her skin, revealing every curve and crevice of her torso. She had a pair of shorts on cut dangerously short, showing her long legs and they made him want to reach out and touch her. Just run his hands all over her body, kiss every inch of her, but she wouldn't let him. He'd be lucky after all of this if he ever got the chance to touch her again.

"You know I'm going to puke after this, right?" She asked suddenly, breaking him from his thoughts.

"Why's that?"

"I can't keep anything down." She shrugged, "Reasons."

"Emma, we need to talk." He saw that she was done, finished her food in record time. Probably because she hadn't eaten in days and despite her uneasiness before; the second she took her first bite, she saw she was, in fact, starving. "We really need to talk." He said it gently, softly, so he didn't scare her. She just looked at him and got up. She tugged on his jacket in a motion for him to follow and he did. He followed her to the couch. She sat down, hugging her knees to her chest and he sat next to her. She didn't say anything, just put her legs over his lap and sighed.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to look at me like everyone else does." He knew that already. "Like I'm broken."

"You already told me."

"I know." Her eyes were fluttering shut and she was trying really hard to keep them open. He was running his fingers up and down her leg, gently, just barely touching the skin. He stopped.

"Swan." He reached for her hand and pulled her up so she could curl into his side, "You're not broken."

"Okay."

"Maybe a little cracked."

"Ruby told me." She said softly, "About…"

"About?"

"The ring."

"Ah, fantastic."

"It slipped." She whispered. "I wanted to tell you..."

"Tell me what?"

"I would have said yes." She shrugged, "Just so you know."

"Well, when I ask you, you can't say no now." He said and kissed the top of her head.

"I won't."

"Good." He said softly, "Emma, there's something I need to tell you."

"What? Are you dying?"

"No. Why do you always assume someone's dying?"

"I don't know."

"Emma."

"I'm listening."

"Remember that night after I touched you for the first time and we were lying in my bed?"

"How can I forget?" She smiled. He sighed, running his fingers up and down her leg again.

"And you asked me where all the scars on my chest and my back came from?"

"Yeah, you changed the subject."

"I know." He whispered, "I told you that night you came to my classroom and you let me read to you. I told you my father left us."  
"Yeah." She shifted, sitting up because she didn't like where this was going. "Killian…"

"Emma." He whispered, "he had a drinking problem. Every time anything remotely bad happened he'd drown himself. After my mother died it just got so bad."

"What did he do to you?"

"The night before he left, he got so angry and I don't even know what for. To this day, Liam never told me what he said to make him so mad. Liam was fifteen, so he never did anything to him because he was older and could fight back."

"You don't have-"

"He almost killed me." He said softly, "But Liam stopped him. The next morning I woke up and he was gone. Child services came that afternoon." He shrugged, "Now you know."

"I'm-"

"Now you know why I freaked out...when I found out you gave your son up. You know, my father threw us away like garbage. Like we didn't matter, didn't even bothering calling anyone. He never came back. I know your situation was different and that wasn't your intention, but it brought some bad experiences back to the surface."

"Killian."

"And I am so sorry I reacted that way." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "but I am so glad you left and got on that plane."

"What?"

"If you hadn't, honey, that girl would be dead. A mother would have had to bury her child because you weren't there." He smiled, "You saved a life, be proud of that." She smiled and he wrapped his arms around her. "Also, rest in peace, Emma Swan's jacket."

"They slaughtered it."

"I saw it, wasn't even a jacket anymore."

"I don't understand why they couldn't just untie it." She said softly and he laughed.

"You know you really scared me."

"Sorry."

"Never get on another plane again."

"I guess you don't want me to cross a street either." She laughed. He sighed.

"When's the last time you slept?"

"I don't know."

"You should try and get some sleep."

"There's something I have to tell you." She said softly, "And oh my god you're going to hate me."  
"What is it?"

"I dropped The Great Gatsby in a puddle and had to throw the book away." She said quickly and he straightened.

"I'm sorry, you did _what_?"

"I can't repeat it."

"Because it's just so awful." He said softly, "Why would you do that?"

"You act like I did it on purpose."

"I can't even look at you."

"I'm sorrrryyyyy."

"Just...I need a minute." He held his hand up. "I can't believe…"

"Okay, buddy, how many books did you burn the other day?"

"That was different." He said, "I was very drunk and very very sad."  
"I didn't mean too."

"Did you even finish it?"

"No."  
" _Emma_."

"I know, I'm awful."

"I am never reading to you again." He said and she gasped.

"Don't play with me like that."  
"I'm not."

"Killian."

"I am serious." He said and she climbed onto his lap, knees on either side of his hips, grabbing his head and forcing him to look at her.

"You can't do that."

"Watch me."

"That's like giving someone the death penalty for stealing a candy bar from a convenience store." She said, "It's not a fair sentence and you know it."

"I suppose it's rather drastic."

"Yeah."

"We'll talk about it later." He said softly, "You need to sleep."

"Can you stay?"

"Of course."

"Can you read to me?" She asked softly, her forehead pressed to his. He chuckled.

"We'll see."

" _Please_."

"I might have a book in my car." He whispered. She leaned in, lips just inches from his.

"Well go get it." She whispered.

When he came back he found her in her bed, at first he thought she was asleep but the second he stepped foot in her room she shot up.

"Did you get it?"

"Yes." He held up the book and closed the door. He slipped his shoes off and got into bed next to her. "It's a slow starter."

"Oh great."

"It'll put you right to sleep."

"Fantastic." She put her head on his shoulder and he turned one of the lamps on. "Go."

"Do you even want to know what it's called?"

"I won't remember by morning."

"East of Eden, by John Steinbeck." He said softly, "Think you can remember that?"

"Maybe."

"Good, now pay attention." He opened it, "Because I'm quizzing you."

"Will you just read?"

"Okay, you'll love it, I promise." He smiled and she glared. He started reading, " _I remember my childhood names for grasses and secret flowers. I remember where a toad may live and what time the birds awaken in the summer…_ "

"This is already killing me."

"Swan, shut up." He said softly, "Listen."


	27. Chapter 27

She woke screaming and he was quick to react. Grabbing hold and pulling her to his chest. She tried to pull away, get him to let go because she was still half asleep and terrified but he held on, whispering in her ear, trying to calm her down. Eventually she did, just became a quiet, shaking mess in his arms. Killian rubbed her back gently and kissed her forehead.

"Emma." He whispered, "It's okay, it's alright."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He said softly and he pulled her close to him, until there was no space between them and he just held her. "Was it about the p-"

"Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Talking about it might help." He whispered, kissing her sweaty forehead and then her lips. She sat up, untangling herself from him and bolted for the bathroom, where she vomited, throwing the door shut. She knew he heard her. There was a soft knock and she jumped, sitting against the wall. She was going to again, she knew it so when the door opened she whimpered a soft "get out" before getting sick again. He sighed and pulled her hair back, rubbing her back until she was finished and she hated him for it. "Get out." She choked as he stood, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it in warm water.

"This is not the worst I've seen." He said softly. And she remembered the time she fell down the stairs and laid in her own urine until he came home and scooped her up, stripping her of her pee soaked clothes. She wanted to punch him, but she was busy. Choking out another "get out" before vomiting again. Her stomach was getting rid of everything he'd made her eat.

"I'm not leaving." He whispered. She didn't have anything left to puke now. Now she was just gagging with nothing to come up. He pulled her back and turned her head to face him, he wiped at her sweaty forehead and her mouth and then stood. "Come on." He pulled her up.

* * *

"You know what this reminds me of." Mary Margaret said softly as Emma set the bag of food down on her desk.

"What?" She asked, sipping her coffee and taking a seat next to her friend. It was nearly seven and she didn't understand why Mary Margaret insisted on being here so early. The kids wouldn't even start coming for an hour.

"The day you met Killian." She smiled as she brought her coffee to her lips, "I believe it started this way."

"Yeah." She said softly, "You know he never told us why he had to run out."

"Something to do with Liam."

"Oh."

"I don't know what it was though, never asked." She shrugged, "Anyways. Have you taken-"

"No."

"Emma."

"No." She said again, "Should I be drinking this?" She asked pointing at her coffee.

"You've been pregnant before?"

"In prison." She said softly, "Don't get the best advice in there."

"You'll be fine, just don't drink a lot."

"Okay." She shrugged.

"You said you didn't want kids."  
"I don't."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"You need to talk to hiiim."

"I will, just not right now." She said softly, "besides, it might not even-"

"When was your last period?"  
"Uh-"

"How often do you get sick?"

"Everyday...but i-"

"Increased urination?"

"Maybe…"  
"Emma, go the doctor." She said as she flipped through a stack of papers, "I can go with you if you want and when it comes back positive. Talk to him." Emma sighed, leaning back in her chair. "You're not even a little bit excited?"  
"Nope."

"Oh come on."

"I'm not. Terrified, more like it."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"This is different than with Neal."

"It has nothing to do with Neal. He didn't even know." Emma said softly, "Still doesn't."

"You didn't tell him when you were-"

"What difference would it have made? Damage is done."

"You ever thought about looking for him?"

"The kid?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know." She shrugged, "I mean...I've thought about it, but I'm not going to."

"Why?"

"What if he's in a really good family and doesn't even know he was adopted? Then I just come in and ruin everything. Not a nice thing to do."

"What if he's not?"

"Not?"

"Not in a good family."

"Don't say that."

"Sorry, it's true though."

"Yeah well, now you're scaring me." She said softly, "what would I do?"  
"I don't know."

"Would I be allowed to take him? Like, is that a thing?"

"You probably could."

"Why are we talking about this? You know, he's fiiine. I'm sure of it." She said.

"I'm sure your parents thought you were fine."

"My parents left me on the side of a road in _October_. I could have froze to death. They didn't care."

"You don't know that." She said softly as she sipped her coffee, "maybe they didn't have a choice."

"They had a choice."

"Emma"

"No, there are safe havens. There's a law, if you have a baby you can take it to the hospital, no questions asked. You know what they did? Put me on the side of a highway in a blanket. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice."

"Okay."

"They could have taken me somewhere warm and safe and they didn't."

* * *

They were in the diner later that day, Ruby hunched over a pile of books, Killian helping her with her essay. He looked like he was about to slam her head against the table.

"Did you read it?" He asked

"Yes, I read it. A million times, it doesn't make any sense." She snapped

"The answer is right there."

"Where?"

"Right _there._ " He pointed

"I don't see it"

"You're blind."

"You're not helping."

"You're not listening." He countered.

" _Guys_ ," Emma said, "Take a break." She reached over and closed the book, earning a glare from both of them, "Stop that."

"I found it right when you closed it."

"Sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"I'm not." Emma shrugged, "but you were two were about to get in a fist fight."

"She just saved you, honestly." Elsa shrugged, "Oh hey." She looked over at the counter, "look who it is."

"What?" Emma asked, looking over, a woman stood at the counter, worry on her face. She was talking to Graham. "Who's that?"

"The Mayor." Ruby said softly, sinking low in her chair, "she does _not_ like me."

"She doesn't like anyone." Killian said with a shrug, "you've never met her before?"

"No."

"She's terrifying." Ruby whispered, "I wonder what she's doing, she never comes in here."

"I don't care, I was gone for two hours and he's not home. Find him." She said coldly. Graham sighed.

"Are you sure he's missing?"

"He knows to stay in my office until five, it's five and he's not there."

"Uh-oh" Ruby said softly, "Someone's gonna get in trouble."

"Poor kid."

"Poor Graham." Elsa muttered turning back to her food. "Oh god, don't come over here."

"What?" Emma asked. The woman was headed for their table. She smoothed her gray pencil skirt.

"Ruby." She said

"Yes?"

"Sit up." She said coldly and Ruby straightened quickly. "Have you seen my son?"

"Nope."

"Has anyone seen my son?" She asked loudly.

"Did you check the library, Regina?" Killian asked as he took a drink, "he was in there last time."

"Last time?" Emma asked. "How often does this happen?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but frequently." Regina said, her voice was ice cold and she gave Emma a glare that could have set her on fire. "He doesn't know how to stay put."

"He's a kid." Elsa shrugged, "Kids run off."

"Emma." Graham walked up to her, "I could use your help."

"Okay."

"No." Regina said with a scowl, "She doesn't work for you anymore." She gave him this look, like she was absolutely disgusted with the thought of Emma going anywhere near her son.

"If your kid's missing, you should take the help." Emma said as she got up. Regina sighed and ran a hand through her dark hair. She took out her wallet and handed her a picture.

"You at least need to know what he looks like." She said as she handed it over. Emma looked at it and nodded.

"Okay." She handed it back, "let's go."

"Find my son."

* * *

"So, what's his name?" Emma asked as she climbed in the car with Graham.

"Henry."

"And he runs off often?"

"He doesn't mean to worry her." He shrugged, "Probably just bored. She doesn't let him out of the house often."

"She doesn't let him out of the house?"

"She's a bit too protective."

"I'll say."

"She's never home either. May just be a way for him to get her attention." He said softly, "He's a good kid."

"For some reason, she hates you."

"What did I do?"

"Nothing." Graham shrugged, "Don't take it personally, she literally hates everyone."

"I've never met her in my life?"

"I know, but she knows you somehow."

"That's creepy." She muttered, they were walking now, stopping at the park. She looked around, but didn't see anything. "There's no kids here."

"Emma." He said softly, "look up." She did and saw a figure in the tree above them, a child sitting on a branch, a book balanced on his knee.

"Well that was easy." She said softly, "What's he doing up there?"

"Probably hiding."

"Go." She shooed him, "I got it."

"Okay." He walked off to wait by the car and she sighed.

"Hey kid!" She yelled, "What are you doing up there?"

"Who are you?" He asked from up in the tree.

"Emma, and you?"

"Henry."

"Wonderful. Your mom's looking for you."

"She's not my mom." He said, "She's a monster."

"Come on, she's not that bad."

"You don't know her."

"Okay. Maybe not. Why don't you come down from there and we can talk about it."

"You come up here." He said softly and she sighed, looking back at Graham, he was on the phone. Probably telling Regina her son was easily located. She ran a hand through her hair.

"Look, kid, I can't climb."

"Yes you can."

"You don't know me."

"Yes, I do."

"Awesome." She nodded, "Apparently your mom does too."

"She's not my mom." He said loudly, "You are."

" _Pardon?_ " She asked, "Uh...I don't think that's-"

"You gave me up."

"Uh-"

"Don't play dumb." He said and then he started climbing down. He nearly slipped, "You were in jail and you had a baby."

"Kid, how did you-" He jumped down, in front of her and god did he look like Neal.

"Because I know."

"Um…"

"That's why my mom hates you." He said, "She saw you and she knew."

"Did she tell you, I'm your...uh-"

"Mom? No."

"I'm not your mother."

"Yes, you are." He was walking to the car.

"Kid, w-"

"I did some research. My birthday is August 15th, I was born in Boston."

"Coincidence."

"No." He said softly, "You comin, mom?"

"Don't call m-"

"Mom." He smiled and she saw it, her smile on his face, dimples and teeth. Her stomach twisted.

"I'm not your mom." She whispered following him to the car.

* * *

A/N: I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter. I fixed it. Also,no there won't be any magic in this, but the book will be referenced. :)


	28. Chapter 28

She rang the doorbell, "Look, kid. You can't just show up out of nowhere." She said softly, "Your mom will be worried."

"I told you-"

"She's not your mom. I get it." Emma said softly as the door opened, "that doesn't mean you can just run off whenever you want."

"She's right." Regina said as she opened the door, "Henry where have you been?" She stepped aside, "I was just about to-"

"Call Graham, blah, blah, blah." Henry said as he walked inside, "Bye mom!" He yelled over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs.

"I'm not-"

"Thank you for bringing him back." Regina muttered and she slammed the door in her face.

"My god, she is lovely." Emma whispered and she headed for her car. She groaned when she saw he had left his book in the passenger seat. A large leather bound book that looked pretty old. She grabbed it and walked back up to the house, ringing the doorbell.

"What, Miss Swan?" She asked, "I'm trying to spend time with my son." She ignored the extra emphasis on "my."

"He left his book." She held it out to her and she took it, tearing it from Emma's hands and slamming the door again. She sighed and got back in her car, ignoring the child who was looking out the upstairs window.

* * *

It'd been two weeks since he found her or rather, she found him and he's been coming over everyday since. Which meant awkward conversations and cold encounters with his mother. Emma was walking in the dark, a bag of food in hand and headed to Mary Margaret's, feet hitting rain soaked streets.

"Emma?" Someone walked up to her and she turned to see a man, glasses, umbrella, a dog on a leash who sniffed her leg.

"Yes?"

"Hi, uh. My name is Archie Hopper." He held his hand out and she shook it, awaiting further explanation.

"Uh-huuuh."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For?"

"Ever since you came back into his life, Henry has been more eager to open up to me." He smiled and Emma was just confused, "I'm a Psychiatrist. I work with Henry."

"Is he sick?" She asked. Sick probably wasn't the right word for it, but she didn't have any better words to use.

"He's very distant, detached, he doesn't have a lot of friends. His mother seems to think he's...ill."

"You don't think so."

"It's not uncommon for children who were given up to act out, they feel like they weren't wanted, they don't understand why someone would-"

"I have to go." Emma said quickly, she didn't want to hear how bad she screwed that kid up. So, she walked off, leaving him alone with his dog. He didn't follow, probably thinking about how he could have worded that better. Mary Margaret waited outside for her, smiling when she saw her.

"What took you so long?" She asked as they went into her apartment, "David took the kids an hour ago."

"Sorry, I got stopped."

"By who?"

"Some psychiatrist."

"Archie? Oh, he's kind."

"I guess."

"What'd he want to talk to you about?" She asked as Emma set the bag on the table, she was grabbing plates. Emma shrugged.

"The weather."

"Is that it?"

"And Henry."

"Oh."

"What was that?" Emma asked, "That, oh."  
"Nothing." She smiled, "Let's eat."

"Mary Margaret."

"It's just...he's been a lot better since you came around." She shrugged, "It's nice to see him smile more often."

"Is it that bad?"

"Regina tries, but she's a single mother." She sighed, "And the Mayor, which means a lot of meetings and little bonding time."

"She's negligent?"

"Not on purpose." She said sadly, "Like I said, she tries."

"It's none of my business."

"You know, if you were to...fight for custody you cou-"

"I'm not doing that." Emma sat down, "I'm not ripping him away from the woman who raised him for ten years."

"But you want too."

"No, I don't." She said softly, "I don't even know if he's mine."

"Emma, you just have to look at him. I don't know how I didn't notice before."

"Can we stop talking about this?"

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?" She asked, "Are you moving back in?"

"He hasn't asked, next topic."

"Take a test yet?"

"Mary Margaret." Emma groaned. Then she watched as her friend opened a drawer in her kitchen, the one Emma broke the handle to on accident the first time she was over. She took something out and set it on the table.

"Go."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"How long have you had that?"

"Bought it this morning. Go, you know where the bathroom is." She wasn't budging, and Emma didn't complain. Not really, she's just looking out for her.

"Can't we just-"

"We can eat when you're done. Emma, don't fight me on this." Mary Margaret gave her that look, that mom look that didn't falter no matter what she did. Hand firm on her hip, eyebrow arched, mouth in a line. She wasn't getting out of this and she knew it. Emma rolled her eyes as she grabbed the box and went in the bathroom, most of the time she just sat on the floor, unable to take it. Eventually she did and Mary Margaret set a timer and sat on the floor next to her.

"This is not the time for-"

"I know." Her friend said softly as she gripped her hand in hers. "You'll figure it out."

"What if I don't?"

"You have help this time."

"What if-"

"What if scenarios are holding you back."

"Shut up."

"How long has it been?"

"Five minutes." Emma sighed, it was taking an eternity already. Just ten more minutes and she'll know, she'll know what she already knows. Mary Margaret patted her knee gently and sighed.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything but this."

"Okay." She went into the fight her and David had, quickly resolved because they were a freaking fairy tale and if one of them died the other would be quick to follow. Something about him showing up two hours late for dinner and not understanding why Mary Margaret got angry. They resolved it, no mess, no sting that lingered from words you can't take back, no one ran off, no one burned books that reminded them of the other.

"Did he apologize?"

"Yes. He did." Mary Margaret said softly.

"Good."

"If Ruby were here…"

"She'd be asking about the make up sex." Emma finished her friends sentence for her, she didn't like talking about that stuff. Emma didn't even think she's ever heard her say the word sex.

"She would." She laughed. Ruby was away, taking the last of her exams. She left nervous and freaking. One reason being she didn't study enough, the other being Dorothy.

"I wonder how she's doing."

"She's fine."  
"Yeah." Mary Margaret sighed and checked the timer, "One minute."

"Okay." It was the longest minute of her life. Stretching on and on until the tiny ding from her timer went off and Mary Margaret looked at her, then at the test balancing on the sink. She looked at the instructions.

"Can you...I-"

"I can look." Mary Margaret whispered and she stood, grabbing the test and looking at it. "Pink means pregnant." She said it more to herself than to Emma, but it made her feel sick. "It's pink." She felt her stomach flip and she put her head on her knees. She didn't know why she was surprised, she knew it'd be positive, that's why she put it off so long. It was positive before. But then she could have the doubt, the, it's a false positive, despite the fact they were rare. Getting two was impossible. Mary Margaret sat beside her on the floor again.

"It's pink." She said it again, in case her blonde train wreck of a friend couldn't hear. Emma heaved a heavy and shaky sigh. She wanted to cry. Why? She didn't know. "Emma…"

"Can we…" She bit her lip, "can we just not talk about this right now?"

"Okay." She whispered and they sat there staring at this stupid pregnancy test in Mary Margaret's hand until she got up to throw it away.

"Don't throw it away." Emma said softly, "I'm about to change someone's life, I think he'll want validation." Mary Margaret sat back down, the test resting on her knee, she pulled out her phone.

"Ruby wanted…"  
"Yeah."

"Oh Emma." Ruby's voice was dripping with sympathy and she wanted to punch her friend for it. Don't pity me. "Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Emma, let it out." Ruby said through the speaker, the phone balanced on Mary Margaret's other knee.

"How did this happen?!" Emma nearly yelled it.

"Well...for starters-"

" _Don't_." Emma snapped, "We were careful." She put her head on her knees again. She didn't look up when she heard the door, the tiny patter of feet hitting the floor. Upon seeing their position, David was quick to get Josh calm enough to sleep before heading over to the bathroom, leaning against the doorway. He spotted the test first, in his wife's hand and nearly fell over.

"It's not mine." She said quickly and the look on his face, Emma wanted to punch him too.

"Oh Emma…" He said softly.

* * *

It was an early morning on a Saturday, he was picking at his pancakes and bacon while his mother sat across from him.

"Henry, you're not eating." She said as she took a bite, "I thought you liked the apple."

"I do." He said softly. She watched him take a small bite and then set his fork down.

"Hen-"

"Can I just go see her for a few minutes?" He asked suddenly, "Just for a little bit." He watched her tense and then relax and for a second he thought she might say yes. She took a sip of her coffee.

"I thought maybe we could do something today." She said as she offered up a small smile, "Something that doesn't involve Miss Swan."

"Her name is Emma."

"Emma." She nodded, her lip curling in a disgusted manner she tried to hard to hide. "And this...Emma, does she want to see you?"

"M-"

"Because every time you go over there she brings you right back, doesn't she?"

"I-"

"Doesn't sound like someone who wants to spend time with you." She said it softly, carefully, not trying to hurt her son's feelings, it still stung. He slumped in his chair. She sighed, "Henry" she reached for his hand, stroking the back with her thumb in a loving way, "isn't this enough?"

"I want to see…" he trailed off, tearing his hand from hers, "my real mom."

"Henry…"

"Please."

"No." She said firmly, "You are to stay here."

"P-"

"I said no, Henry!" She got up and cleared the table, "If you even think about setting foot out of this house without me, there will be severe consequences." She set the plates in the sink and turned, folding her arms over her chest, "Understand?" He slid from his chair and nodded.

"Okay…" He whispered and she hated that look on his face, it nearly made her cave, but the door opened and in strode her mom.

"Regina, you should think about getting some new wallpaper." She said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Mother. My wallpaper is fine." She said softly, "Henry."

"Hi grandma Cora." He said softly and she outstretched her arms.

"No hug?" She asked as he walked off and up the stairs, "What's the matter?"  
"It's that damn Emma Swan." Regina ran a hand over her face.

"That's what I'm here about." Her mother smiled, "how often are they together?"

"Every other day." She sighed, "I try to keep him away but she just keeps-"

"Hush." Cora held up a hand and rubbed her daughters back in some way that was supposed to be comforting. "Let mommy take care of it." Regina nodded and headed up the stairs, not really wanting to think about what her mother meant by that. She knocked gently on Henry's door and opened it.

"Henry I-" She gaped, the window was open, and he was gone. "Dammit."

* * *

"Uh I don't think that's a good idea." Emma said softly as she watched Elsa balance a book on her hand and her coffee on top of it, while standing on a chair. She was reaching for something on the top shelf of a bookcase.

"Because you're distracting me."

"I don't think that has anything to do with it."

"If a drop of that coffee touches that book, I'll knock you over myself." Killian said as he walked towards the door, there was a knock as he was opening it and Emma jumped. "Swan."

"Who is it?" She knew who it was before she even looked, "Henry." She leaned against the door. He smiled at her.

"Wanna take a walk?" He asked and she sighed.

"Kid-"

"Yes she does." Killian basically pushed her out the door, "Humor him, love." He whispered in her ear and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine." She grabbed her jacket, the one that wasn't viciously destroyed in the plane crash, it was like the red one, but blue. "Where are we going?"  
"Just around town." Henry smiled and they started to walk.

"This okay with your mom?"  
"Are you okay with it?"

"Henry-"

"She said no. So, I went out the window."

"Kid." Emma stopped walking.

"I just wanted to see you."

"I know but...that's not-"

"Please don't take me back home." He begged, "please you don't know what sh-"

"Okay." Emma said softly and they started walking again, "one hour and then you have to go back home. Deal?"

"Deal." He smiled. A few minutes passed and they didn't talk, she didn't know what to say. "Tell me about the crash." He said suddenly.

"Pardon?"

"The plane crash…"

"Oh…"  
"Was it scary?" He asked and she ran a hand through her hair, "I'm sorry..I-"

"It was very scary."  
"Do you have nightmares?"

"All the time."

"Dr. Hopper said that it's normal to...have bad dreams after something like that."

"You talk about me during your sessions?"

"A little."

" _Lovely_."

"Did a lot of people die?" He asked softly, "my mom wouldn't let me watch the news. Not until it was all over."

"Yes a lot of people died."

"But you didn't."

"I'm alive, yes."

"Cool, because it'd be weird if you were a ghost." He said and she laughed. "Uh...does Killian help?"

"Yes."

"He's nice."

"Yeah." She said softly.

"He likes you."

"I hope so, it'd be kind of awkward if he didn't." She said and they walked in silence some more, walking by the library, a woman walking out, anger evident on her face.

"I knew he'd be with _you_." She snapped.

"Regina..I-"

"Save it." She hissed, "Henry we're going home. Say goodbye."

"Mo-"

"Now."

"We were just walking." Emma said softly, "Can't you cut the kid s-"

"Did I ask for parenting advice?"

"N-"

"I'd be pretty stupid to take some from a woman who gives up her child the first chance she gets." Regina said coldly, grabbing Henry's arm and pulling a little too forceful for Emma's liking. She placed her hand on his shoulder, just to stop the pulling. It was hurting him.

"Get your hands off my son." She said loudly, a hand colliding with Emma's face. She let go.

"Sorry kid." She whispered as he was tugged away.

She didn't get up to get the door when someone knocked on it, just jumped and froze.

"I got it." Elsa said softly as she got up from the couch and went to the door, she said something about saying Emma wasn't there if it was Henry. "Emma…"

"What?" She asked coming from behind her. Regina stood, a piece of paper in hand.

"Stay away from Henry." She slammed it down in her hand and walked off.

"What's that?" Elsa asked as she opened it. Emma rolled her eyes.

"It's a restraining order."


	29. Chapter 29

She spent the next few days dodging the child the best she could. Not coming to the door when he visited, not really leaving the house at all. She spent more days at her apartment than she did at Killian's anymore. She couldn't be in Storybrooke, Henry was in Storybrooke. She felt bad, he didn't understand why she couldn't spend time with him, why she couldn't be seen with him.

"Is there some way you can-"

"No." Emma said softly, she was eating a box of crackers on the couch, something she needed for whatever reason. Mary Margaret sighed as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Have you told Killian yet?" She asked, flopping down on the couch, grabbing the box of crackers and setting them on the coffee table.

"I was eating those."

"I know."

"And no, I don't really get to see him much." She said softly, it was true. He couldn't come here on weekdays because he had to work and it was too long of a drive, he'd have to get up at three in the freaking morning, and she couldn't go over there because of the restraining order. She'd probably see him tomorrow. "Just doesn't seem like something you'd say over the phone." Mary Margaret nodded, patting Emma's knee in an attempt to comfort her.

The next day when she did see him, it was at his house and she stayed away from doors. Henry showed up twice, seeing her car and knowing she was there, he didn't understand. He didn't understand why Killian had to tell him she wasn't there when she obviously was. It showed, that look on his face, he didn't feel wanted. He didn't feel wanted and it was because of Regina. She tried to ignore it, tried to get his sad eyes out of her head every time the door swung closed with a gentle click. How would the kid feel when he learned she was pregnant again? Would he feel what she felt? When her almost parents tried to hide the fact they were having a biological kid after years of trying. When she'd sit at the top of the stairs at three years old and listen to her almost parents talk about what they would do with her? The next day packing her things, what little she had, and dropping her off at a police station until child services could get her and toss her in another home. The way her stomach churned when they said goodbye, said they couldn't keep her. Like she was a dog they didn't want anymore. She hated this feeling, like she needed to wrap him up in a big blanket and protect him. He wasn't hers, she knew that. She knew he belonged to someone else, she gave birth to him, he was hers for a few months and that was enough to slaughter her insides every time he asked why.

Killian sat on the couch next to her and she kept her distance. He kept looking at her, waiting for her to get up and leave, but she didn't. Too exhausted to run from him, so she remained, relatively out of reach.

"Swan." He said softly, "talk to me."

"About?" She arched her brow, if it was about Henry she'd probably leave. For no reason other than the fact that she was tired of talking about Henry. She couldn't have him, couldn't keep him, couldn't wrap him up in a big, soft blanket and protect him from the world. He's not hers.

"Anything." He got up and moved to get close to her, but she coiled away and he went back to his original spot at the end of the couch. She hated that look. That look he gave her when he thought he was losing her again, he wasn't. She was just tired. She chewed at her lip, she should tell him, right now. She opened her mouth and the door crashed opened.

"Guess who's back!" Anna shouted loudly as she ran through the house and nearly tackled Killian. Well there went that idea. He sighed, hugging her and then pushing her off of him, whispering something in her ear. She glanced at Emma and grabbed hold.

"Emmaaa" She said softly, "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Right now she couldn't remember what she was sorry for. But she hugged her back, not wanting the closeness. She pushed Anna off of her and ran her hands over her face. Kris waved at them from the doorway, a sad look in his eyes because he saw it, saw Emma coil away from his fiancee, but he didn't say a word. Stella ran shouting excitedly as she threw herself in Anna's arms, Elsa emerging with Lydia on her hip. God, she was growing so fast. She definitely had her mother's long legs. Still wobbly, but she was trying to walk. Her hair had grown, white curls not yet long enough to be braided, but she had a little blue bow in it today. She had Killian's eyes, or Liams. She never met him, so she didn't know what color his eyes were.

"Anna, what are you doing here?!" She asked excitedly as she threw an arm around her sister.

"Well, I need a dress fitting and I want Emma there." She smiled, "I didn't think she'd want…" her words were unspoken but everyone heard it, she didn't think she'd want to get on a plane.

"That is...if she wants to-"

"I'll go." Emma said softly, "thank you."

"Yay!" She clapped excitedly. Emma smiled, small but genuine.

"I hope your sister is invited too." Elsa smiled and Anna nodded.

"Uh, duh." She said, "Who do you think I am?"

"Good."

"We gotta prepare Emma."

"For?"

"Oh please. You'll be the one getting poked and prodded one of these days." Anna winked at her.

"Uh-"

"That'll be fun." Elsa smiled at her and she glanced at Killian, he was fixing Stella's braid. Why did seeing that make her want to cry? Hormones. She looked back at them, whispering she'd be right back and basically running to the bathroom. There was a soft knock and she froze, leaning on the sink, unbelievably dizzy and sick, and tired. She needed to leave soon. She really needed to leave soon. He opened the door slowly, peeking in and then coming in, closing the door with a soft click. He leaned against it, arms folded over his chest watching her but not saying anything.

"You were about to say something when they came in." He said softly, tilting his head and she couldn't look at him. Not right now.

"I didn't know you knew how to braid." She said softly, turning the water on and putting her hands under the warm water, all she could think about was a bath. A warm bath with bubbles and wine and drowning.

"Not very masculine." He smirked, "Emma." He whispered her name and she wanted to punch him for it, because that damn near broke her.

"What?"

"She hit you." He said softly, she was waiting for him to say something about that. The small red mark under her eye. The woman knew how to slap, that's for damn sure.

"She was hurting him." She whispered, "I couldn't just…"

"Emma."

"I had the audacity to touch her son."

"Your son."

"No." She corrected him quickly, "I gave up that right a long time ago."

"Emma." He kept saying her name like that, she wanted to punch him, "He's yours."

"He's not."

"He could be."

"Did you forget about the restraining order?"

"No." He said softly, "Emma, you could...if you fought-"

"I'm not fighting."

"You could win."

"I don't want too."

"Why?"

"Why?" She looked at him now, "I can't just rip her child away from her."

"She's doing it to you."

"He is not mine!" She shouted it, didn't mean too, she was just tired, and frustrated because everyone was telling her she could win, she could have him and keep him and they'd a be a stupid family in a stupid house with a stupid yard. He didn't say anything else, he wasn't upset. He didn't get angry because he knew she didn't mean it.

"She raised him...she's his mom. I'm just…" She shook her head, "I'm just the woman who carried him. He was never mine." She swallowed, some stupid reason she wanted to cry. He stepped towards her and she shook her head, "If you touch me, I'll cry."

"That's okay." He said softly and didn't stop this time, even if she fought him, he held her, pressing her to him, fingers curling in her hair. She needed to tell him, but she didn't want to talk anymore. "Please don't leave." He whispered it and she didn't know if he meant don't leave his house or don't leave town. Don't pick up her things and go, don't live in her car, don't go back to that life she found herself missing.

"Okay."

"Stay with me here." He stroked her hair, "Please." He knew she couldn't stay here, not right now, not with Henry lurking.

"You know I can't."

"You can."

"Killian-"

"Please. I need you here." She pulled away, suddenly aware the water was still running, she turned it off. "I like you in my bed." He smirked, an innuendo that wasn't leading anywhere. She sighed.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." She said it again a little louder so he heard her, "I'll stay."

"Not just tonight."

"What?"

"Come back to me."

"I'm pregnant." It was barely audible, but he heard it and she waited, looking away from him because she couldn't see his reaction. Couldn't see his smile fade, or the way he pulled away. She thought he would at least, thought he'd walk out that door and go.

"I know." He whispered, fingers curling in her hair again and she looked up at him, "I've known."

"How?"

"Do you want me to lie?"

"If you say I gained weight I will hurt you and I can tell when you're lying." She stepped back and he pulled her towards him again, fingers lacing with hers.

"I know because I've been around enough pregnant people to tell." He smiled, "You've been getting sick a lot, and it's not because of the nightmares or the plane crash or Henry. It's because there's a tiny person in there." He poked her stomach and she smacked his hand.

"I don't want-"

"We don't have to tell anyone."

"Okay."

"Emma."

"What?"  
"You don't have to do this...not if you don't want-" He said it softly and she stepped back again, hand still in his.

"It's already happening."

"I know but, I told you before. I won't make you."

"What are you suggesting?" She asked softly, she knew what he was suggesting, now was not a good time for a baby and they both knew it but that. That was not an option. "No."

"Swa-"

"No." She said it again, more firmly. "No." Was he suggesting it because he didn't want it? If he didn't, how was she supposed too? He never actually told her he wanted kids the time she asked him. Just said he wouldn't make her, that he wouldn't force her to have any if she didn't want too. He was good with his nieces but they weren't _his_. He didn't have to parent them, he just had to love them.

"Do you not wan-"

"Emma." He cut her off, "I do."

"Okay."

"But you don't." He whispered, "You didn't want kids." He was right, she didn't. But she could learn to want them.

"I...don't know how to be a mother."

"We'll be fine."

"Everyone makes it look so easy." She said softly, "I want this, but I don't know how…"

"We'll figure it out."

"You're not gonna promise a life with me, make me steal a bunch of watches, and then turn me into the police, are you?"

"I'm a man of my word." He smiled at her, "now, come out here. Before Anna tears the door down."

* * *

It was a week after she told him, she was at her apartment with Mary Margaret, they were watching a movie. It was nearly empty, she was in the process of moving back to Killians. Today she was tired and he was out of town, some conference thing in Columbus. He'd be gone for five more days. So, she stayed here.

"Do you think it'll have his eyes?" Ruby asked, poking Emma's stomach. She just got back from taking her exams, not wanting to talk about Dorothy.

"I don't know. It's not even-"

"I bet its a boooyyyy" She nearly squealed it and Emma rolled her eyes.

"I hope so." Mary Margaret said softly, "That house is full of girls, poor Killian."

"Your house is full of boys." Ruby said softly, "poor thing."

"You have no idea."

"Guys." Emma said softly, "I'm trying to watch this."

"Since when did you watch romantic comedies?"

"Since a tiny human inhabited my uterus. Now shut up."

" _Touchy._ " Ruby said softly, "I call godmother."

"Hey you can't just call it!" Mary Margaret nearly shouted it, "fine then. I get maid of honor."

"Funny, I don't remember _getting engaged_." Emma said softly, "Seriously you guys are going to fight over this?"

"I will take you out." Ruby stood and then Mary Margaret stood.

"Let's go, princess." Emma rolled her eyes and sucked in a breath a sudden sharp pain in her abdomen.

"Emma?" Mary Margaret questioned.

"It's nothing." She leaned back again, the pain going away, but returning a second later. She shifted.

"Emma." Ruby said her name, sitting quickly and rubbing her back, "Emma, what is it?"

"Nothing." She said it again, trying to ignore the little pains coming within seconds of each other. Mary Margaret wasn't having that.

"You're in pain." She said softly and grabbed Emma's arm pulling her up. Ruby already had her phone out.

"No." Emma said quickly, "Don't call him."

"Emm-"

"I said don't."

"You're-"

" _Please_." She whispered it, another sharp pain, this one worse. This one nearly making her fall over. "Mary Margaret what did it feel like when you-"

"Emma, don't think that." She said quickly, "Come on." She was gently pulling her towards the door. Ruby was grabbing her keys and her bag and following quickly.

* * *

Mary Margaret held her hand like she needed it to breathe. Her knuckles turning white as she watched the doctor squint at the small screen, gel on Emma's stomach cold and she didn't like this. The look on her face.

"What is it?" She asked, _"Hey._ "

"How far did you say you were?"

"I don't know...like six weeks."

"Hm." She didn't say anything, "Please excuse me." She left the room and came back with another doctor. She must've been a resident or an intern because the woman she came back with looked annoyed. Like she's had to do this a million times.

"Okay, Miss Swan." She smiled, tying her crimson curls back in a ponytail as she walked towards the monitor that should have been pointed towards Emma so she could see, but it wasn't.

"What's going on?" Ruby asked from her place next to Mary Margaret, "is the baby okay?"

"Just let me work." The woman said softly

"Maybe it's a glitch. That machines pretty old." The intern spoke softly, covering the screen with her body so Emma couldn't see. After a while the doctor shook her head.

"It's not a glitch." She said softly, "Miss Swan."

" _Emma._ "

"Emma." She turned, "I'm so sorry."

"For?"

"The machine isn't picking up any…" She glanced up at the two girls by her bed. "I'm afraid you had a miscarriage."

"What?"  
"It's very common, in fact fifty percent of pregnancies result in early miscarriage." She was lying, that statistic was supposed to make her feel better, it didn't. She nodded.

"Okay."

"Emma."

"It's okay." She wiped the gel off and shoved her shirt back down. "What now?" She asked, for whatever reason, she wasn't upset. Not even a little. She pulled her hand from Mary Margaret's.

"I'll give you some time to process it." The doctor left the room, the intern following, she looked sadder than Emma. What was wrong with her?  
"I'm so sorry, Emma." Ruby whispered and hugged her, but she wasn't upset. Why wasn't she upset, why couldn't she feel anything?

"I'm okay." She breathed, "What happens now?" She was looking at Mary Margaret, she's done this before. The real reason she didn't tell David she was pregnant until she was sure her body wouldn't reject it. She shifted.

"You have two options."

"Uh-huh." Emma nodded, the doctor came back in.

"Miss Swan." she said softly

"Yup."

"I am very sorry for your loss." She spoke softly, carefully, "would you like to discuss your options?"

"Yeah." Ruby was getting her phone, "Ruby no."

"Emma-"

"No."

"He needs to-"

"I'll tell him." She said softly, "Don't." He'd rush down here, she couldn't have that. He could lose his job if he did that.

"The father?"

"Yes."

"Forgive me for prying but don't you think-"

"He's not in town, he could lose his job. No." Emma said firmly, "Options?"

"Okay." She shifted, reaching for her stool, "What you can do is go home and wait for the tissue to pass, or you could do it here."

"How?"

"We would do a procedure called D&C, Dilation and curettage. It's a small surgery, we'll go in and scoop the dead tissue out. You'll be awake but you'll be numbed."

"Okay." Emma nodded.

"Most moms prefer to-"

"Just get it out." She whispered. The doctor nodded, she looked at the tag hanging off her lab coat. _Doctor Melissa Collins._

"We'll get you a gown." She said softly and then looked at the intern, "Prep for a D&C." She said softly.

* * *

That night as she lay on Mary Margaret's couch because she couldn't go home, the drugs still pulling at her eyelids, he called her.

"Killian."

"Someone sounds tired." He said softly, "Eventful day?"

"You have no idea."

"How are you feeling?" He asked and she didn't say anything. "Emma?"

"Fine." She cleared her throat. Honestly she was fine, she still didn't feel it, Mary Margaret said it would take time to sink in. She wasn't upset, she's sick. A disgusting human being who wasn't phased by the death of her child.

"I miss you."

"Yeah." She whispered, too tired, too tired to talk about anything, but she needed to tell him. She couldn't keep it from him, "Killian."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to tell you something and you have to promise you won't race down here."

"What happened?" She heard him sit up.

"Lay back down." She said softly, "promise me."

"Okay."

"Killian."

"I promise." He said softly, "What is it?" She sighed.

"I'm not…" She started, "God, please don't be mad at me."

"Emma"

"It died."

"What?"

"The baby." She said it softly. How would he react, "Earlier...she said it was common, that it happens. I should have called you, but I didn't want you to-"

"Emma."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No." He said softly, "I'm not mad at you. You weren't alone were you?"

"No. Mary Margaret and Ruby were with me."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." He whispered, "It happens."

"I'm not upset." She said softly, "I should be but I'm not." She shrugged, "It was my fault and I don't feel anything."

"It's not your fault."

"I didn't want it…"

"I know"

"I didn't want it and it died. I should feel something but there's nothing."

"It wasn't a good time...Emma, with Henry and Regina and you're obviously still affected by the plane crash. It wasn't a good time, the universe knew that." He said softly, "Maybe someday it will be the right time. I know you don't want kids, but I'm hoping one day you'll change your mind."

"Maybe." She said softly and he changed the subject to try and get her head away from it because at some point she'll feel it and it'll be hell.

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry.


	30. Chapter 30

"I feel like a pastry." Anna said softly, the dress she had on, oh hell, it was way too much. Poofy in all the wrong places, long sleeves, low neckline. Not cute. She was looking in the mirror.

"Don't you think you should go for something you can move in?" Emma asked tilting her head at the dress.

"God get this thing off of me." She said and Elsa stood, helping her sister back to the dressing room. Emma laughed softly waited for her to come back out. She wanted to like this, wanted to have fun, but this wasn't Emma. Dress fitting, pretty white dresses and flowers, a room filled with mirrors lining every wall. Pink wallpaper. Elsa came back one of the shop keepers helping her instead.

"You're not having fun."

"I'm trying." Emma said softly, "I'm not doing this."

"Oh yes you are." Elsa smiled, "He gave you city hall before, you're having a wedding this time."

"Ew."

"Just let it happen." Elsa laughed, "maybe you'll end up liking it."

"I'm not even engaged why are we talking about this?"

"You will be though." She smiled, "Do me a favor, Anna and Kris have been engaged for like two years. Don't do that to me." Emma laughed.

"We are waiting!" Anna shouted, the rustle of fabric almost louder than her voice.

"If you wait any longer, Stella will be in college!"

"Oh shutty!" She yelled back and Emma laughed, she missed this. Their bickering. It was nice to have it back for a little bit.

* * *

Emma sighed, the dress fitting was over, thank god and now she had a little bit of time to herself. She didn't care about the restraining order anymore, if he came up to her, she'd walk with him. She walked around, not really sure where she was headed but only stopping because Archie approached her.

"Miss Swan" He smiled, "lovely day"

"Yeah." She said softly.

"I've been meaning to catch you. You're a hard woman to find." He said. And she gave him a weird look, what could he possibly want to talk to her about. He walked with her to his office and asked her to come in for a minute and talk. The room was dimly lit and pretty cozy, with a large leather couch and coffee table in the center of the room. A big desk with a filing cabinet behind it. He gestured at her to take a seat. She sat on the couch beside him and sighed,

"What?" She asked

"Henry's been very...distraught lately." He said softly, "I was wondering if you might know why. I asked Regina if anything happened and she said you've been avoiding him. Says she tried to talk to you about it but you slammed the door in her face."

"I've been avoiding him because I don't have a choice." Emma straightened, instantly angry, "She lied to you. She put a restraining order out to keep me away from him." Archie sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Miss-"

"Emma."

"Emma, Have you thought about fighting for custody?"

"No." Yes.

"I believe you should." He said softly, "It's not that Regina isn't a good mother, she loves Henry, but she doesn't know how to show it."

"What makes you think I'd be any different?"

"Because despite what you think, I can tell you care for him."

"I-"

"You don't want to admit it, because you think you can never have him, not the way you want."

"U-"

"Regina is negligent, she can sometimes be verbally abusive. She loves in a way that isn't healthy for a child. Henry needs to be able to get away from her from time to time."

"Verbally abusive?"

"She tells him you've been avoiding him because you never wanted him." He sighed, shaking his head, "She does it in an attempt to get him to stop wanting to spend time with you."

"Oh my god." Emma said softly

"She tells him, you'll never want him and to stop trying, she tried to burn the book her carries around with him."

"She's awful."

"She doesn't know how to love a child, to nurture, to be there. She's so afraid you'll take him, because, Emma, you can."

"I can't."

"You can." He said softly, "If you fight hard enough, you can get full custody of that boy."

"I'm not taking her kid from her."

"He needs someone who understands."

"Understands what?"

"Understands what it's like to be given up."  
"I did that to him."

"Yes."

"Why should I be allowed to take him? I gave him up, I can't have him." Archie sighed, he explained the way it would work, the court dates, the system, she'd need a good lawyer. They talked for hours about Henry, about his imagination, about his book, about his weird fascination with fairytales. They talked about Regina, about the death of her boyfriend several years ago, the sole reason she didn't know how to love and Emma felt just the slightest bit sympathetic, not enough to forgive her. Enough to understand why she was so cold. That didn't give her the right to treat Henry the way she did though.

"I can't." Emma breathed, "It's not...that's not how it works." She stood up, "You give up a kid, it gets adopted, no returns."

"Except it can happen, I've seen it." He was standing now, "You're allowed to regret your decision. You were young. You were alone and scared. Henry needs someone who can give him the attention he needs."

"Why is that me?" She asked, "Because I gave birth to him? He's not mine, he never was. I can't have him."

"Emma, just think about it. Will you do that? You have a lot of people on your side, you can win. Think about how happy he'll be." She didn't say anything just tore the door open and left.

* * *

It was hours later when she came home, tossing her keys on the table and taking off her shoes. She headed for the stairs, the house already dark, but something stopped her. She saw the light pouring into the hallway and saw that his office door was open.

"You should be sleeping." She leaned against the doorway. He looked up at her from the book he was reading, smiling as he snapped it shut.

"And where have you been?" He asked, grabbing her hand and tugging her down, pulled her into his lap. She shrugged.

"Do you know Dr. Hopper?"

"Yes." He said softly, "Why?"

"He wants me to fight for custody."

"That's a good thing."

"Why?"

"He's Henry's doctor, if you have him in your corner you have a better chance at winning."

"But I'm not doing it." She said softly, "I don't wan-"

"Swan." Killian said softly, "Yes you do. I can see it." She sighed, maybe she did. She couldn't help but think trying would hurt him more than help him, especially if she loses. Everyone in this town was afraid of that woman. She ran a hand through her hair, getting up.

"What if I lose?" She asked softly, fingers skimming the books on his bookshelf, the one right next to the window. She heard him stand.

"What if you win?" He asked, kissing her cheek and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Did you know her before…"

"Before Daniel?"

"Yeah."

"No, but Mary Margaret did." He said softly, "it was pretty bad, I guess. Henry was the only thing that brought her out of it." She didn't know Mary Margaret knew her before that. She didn't know they knew each other that long. Emma sighed, exhausted.

"That dress fitting was awful" She whispered, "Seriously."

"It could have been worse."

"How?"

"It could have been you being poked and prodded." He laughed. She rolled her eyes, she really didn't want that.

"I don't want that." She said softly.

"I know."

"Some of those dresses were just awful. And she didn't even pick one, we're going back tomorrow."

"Oh the horror." He said sarcastically, "Whatever will you do?"

"Is this what it's like to be feminine?" She asked and he laughed, "Not funny."

"It's a little funny."

"It's late." She said softly, "You have to work."

"I do." He whispered, but neither one of them moved and soon his lips were on her neck. She sighed. "However…" he whispered, his breath in her ear, "You look very nice in these jeans."

"Stop that."

"Why?" He asked, turning her around and kissing her gently, "But they would look so much better as a crumpled mess on the floor." He popped the button and that was the end of that conversation.

* * *

She woke up later, his arm around her waist, a sudden thought in her head as she sat up. It might be a stupid idea, might end terribly, but she needed to try something. Emma sighed, glancing around the room, it was still dark. Maybe it wasn't as late as she thought. Their clothes a discarded mess on the floor.

"Hey." She poked him and he opened his eyes.

"Hi."

"Sorry." She said softly, "I just have a question."  
"That is?"

"Know any good lawyers?"  
"For?"

"I want to try." She said softly, laying back down. His arm tightening around her. He nodded.

"I'll make some calls, love." He whispered, pulling her close to him and curling his fingers in her hair.


	31. Chapter 31

"Alright, what'd my lovely sister do now?" A woman asked as she walked into the house without so much as a knock, "Don't spare any details."

"Uh…" Emma glanced at Killian, who had stood up to greet their visitor.

"Zelena. You know doors are made for knocking, right?" He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Made for opening too." She smiled, "I could leave, find your girlfriend another lawyer. One who doesn't know Regina's dirty, dirty secrets."

"You called her sister?" Emma asked, "her sister?"  
"They're not close."

"She despises me." Zelena smiled, "Now, my relationship with Regina has nothing to do with what's going on and since Jones here, was very vague in his reasoning for needing me. I'll need someone to fill in the blanks. What did she do?"  
"You didn't tell her?"

"Not a thing, so, Emma, do tell." She smiled and took a seat on the couch, crossing her legs. Emma sighed and told her about Henry and prison and Regina and she listened intently. Nodding along and not interrupting.

"A custody battle." She nodded, "Over a child you gave up. Well, this is not going to be easy." She stood, "This should be fun, I'll be back in two days." She said as she walked out the door.

"Where-"

"Just let her do her thing." Killian sighed.

"You two have a weird relationship."  
"You have no idea."

"Were you guys like a th-"

"God no." He said quickly.

"If you don't like her, why'd you call her and how the hell did she get here so fast?"

"I called her because she's good at what she does, and I don't know." He shrugged, "Traveled through a tornado or something."

* * *

They were in the kitchen by the time she came back, kids playing in the yard with Anna and Kris. Emma jumped when she came in, her entrance loud as she slammed her briefcase down on the island counter.

"I'm back." Zelena smiled

" _Fantastic._ " Killian said not even trying to hide the sarcasm. Zelena rolled her eyes.

"Don't act like you didn't miss me." She waved him off, "Anyways, Emma." She looked at her, opening her case. Someone walked in, a man she didn't recognize.

"Robin!" Elsa smiled. He waved awkwardly.

"Oh, don't mind him." Zelena said softly, "Brought him in for a distraction."

"A distraction?"

"Robin, do your job."

"Hey Killian, want to go get some coffee?" The man asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Good boy." Zelena smiled. She looked at Killian, "Get."

"Excuse me?"

"Can't have you distracting Emma. Go, skedaddle, _run forest._ " She smiled softly at Emma and Killian sighed. He left, reluctantly with Robin. Elsa stayed, offering Zelena something to drink, she politely declined.

"Sooo…"

"Tell me about Neal." Zelena said suddenly and she straightened. "You think he's not going to come up in court? Go, _talk_." Emma realized then what the stack of papers Zelena was holding were, she had everything she could get a hold of, every detail of Emma's life in her hands. She knew everything before Neal, everything after Neal, everything in between.

"I...uh…"

"That won't do." She said, setting the papers down and looking at her, "You just lost."  
"What?"

"You can't stall on the stand. Answer as soon as possible, Cora will give you little time to think of an answer, so when you're asked, go."

"Alright…"

"Tell me about the miscarriage."

"The _what?_ " Elsa asked quickly, "Emma?"

"Oh well, secrets out." Zelena shrugged, "You would have found out at court anyways."

"It was uh…"

"Look, it's not a pretty subject but from what I've read, your life's one big blob of ugly experiences and if you can't handle me asking, you won't stand a chance against my mother." Zelena shrugged, "We'll skip that. How old were you when you met Neal?"  
"What does this have to do with-"

"Alright, Emma, let's play pretend." She smiled, "This kitchen is the courtroom. You're on the stand, I'm asking the questions. Answer them." She closed her case and paced the room, heels clicking against the cool tiles of the kitchen floor. "Elsa's not here."  
"But sh-"

" _Emma_."

"Okay…" She said softly.

"How old were you when you met Neal?"

"Sixteen…"

"And he is Henry's father?"

"Yes…"

"Are you sure?" She asked and Emma gave her a weird look. "How can you be sure?"  
"I'm pretty positive."

"You weren't sleeping with anyone else?"  
"No."

"Are you positive, without a doubt, he is Henry's father?"  
"What are you implying?" She didn't mean it to come out so hateful, but it did and Zelena stopped.

"Emma, just answer the questions." She said softly, "How old was Neal, when you met him?"  
"I don't…" she shook her head, "He said he was nineteen."

"But you suspected he was older?"

"I-"

"Yes or no."

"Yes." She shifted uncomfortably. She still didn't know how old he was, he lied about a lot of things, his age was most likely one of them. She bit her lip.

"So you _willingly_ entered a sexual relationship with a man who was presumably twice your age?" She ignored the way Zelena said "willingly" like an accusation, she looked at her, no judgement on her face. She didn't care.

"Yes."

"How soon after you met him, did you enter a sexual relationship?"

"Soon…" Emma said softly, shifting again. She didn't see how this had anything to do with getting custody, but she assumed Zelena knew what she was doing and what questions would be asked. So, she bit her tongue.

"Who initiated it?" Emma rolled her eyes.

"How does this have to do with-"

"Emma, they're going to ask a lot worse than this. We're going through the past, not even at the present."

"What?"

"They're going to ask about your sex life." Zelena said softly, "it has nothing to do with your ability to raise a ten year old boy, but they're going to try and paint you as some irresponsible tramp. I know them, so they're not only going to ask about Neal but they're going to ask very graphic, very detailed questions about the fun things you do in the bedroom with a certain high school teacher."

" _That's_ my cue to leave." Elsa coughed and walked out, patting Emma on the shoulder.

"I don't want to know either." Zelena shrugged, "But it's my job."

"What kind of-"

"How often? Do you use condoms? Are you on birth control? Do you like it rough? Does he tie you up? A-"

"Stop." Emma said quickly, "I don't understand how any of that has to do with Henry."

"It doesn't."

"Then-"  
"I just told you. You're the slutty teenager who threw away her kid and now regrets it."  
"Excuse me?"

"Not my words. It's theirs."

"I don't know if I should-"

"Don't back out now, Miss Swan, I didn't fly here to have you quit." Zelena ran a hand through her red hair and sighed, "Look, we can win. It doesn't seem like it right now, but I have a lot on Regina, a lot of things that don't make her look very good. You just have to trust me. You have to try just as hard as I am."

"Okay…"

"They may judge you at first, the jury, but when I'm through with you, they'll be sending you flowers with little sympathetic messages." She smiled, "And Regina will be chased out of town by an angry crowd with pitchforks. Killian and I, do not get along, you see that. We never have, so he would not have called me if he didn't think I could help you. Just gotta trust me, Emma. I got you."

"Okay…"

"If it's any consolation, I'm doing this for free."

"You are?"

" _Please?_ Getting to run my poor excuse of a sister through the mud is payment enough." She laughed.

"Why do you hate her so much?"

"Reasons, I'll tell you one day. Right after we win this custody thing."

"Okay."  
"So, tell me, which do you prefer? Miss Swan, or Mrs. Jones."

"Oh my god."

"I know it got annulled. Thanks for inviting me."

"I didn't even know you."

"Oh, hey, fair warning, they'll bring that up too."

"Really? Can they?"

"Legally? No."

"Then-"

"They'll bring it up, I'll object, it'll be disregarded by the jury, but come on, they never forget what's said in that courtroom."

"Oh."

"Hey do me a favor." Zelena said with a grin, "Invite me to the wedding because Killian won't."

"There isn't a-"

"There will be, princess, get ready."

"What do you know?"

"Nothing." She said but it was on her face, "Just be ready." She winked and grabbed her briefcase before walking out of the room.

* * *

She didn't know how it happened but Ruby, Elsa, Mary Margaret, and Zelena were at the bridal shop helping Anna pick out a dress. Again. Because she couldn't make up her mind. They somehow got on the topic of Liam and then onto Killian.

"How did I meet him?" Ruby asked, she thought for a second, "It was right after he moved here." She sighed, "Oh yeah. He came into the diner, which is funny because Emma, you were there."

"I was?"

"Yeah. It was the day that guy spilled coffee on you and you had just gone to the back to change your shirt when he came in."

"Thats weird."  
"It is. He was gone by the time you came out, dude how weird would that have been?" She asked, straightening in her chair, "You know, if you guys had met then?"

"Somehow I doubt things would be different." Mary Margaret said with a smile.

"They'd be married by now, for sure." Ruby said, "Oooh maybe with kids."

"And a dog!" Anna shouted from the small changing room

"Why a dog?"

"Dogs are cool"

"Guys." Emma interrupted, "Let's n-"

"How many kids would they have by now?" Elsa asked, smiling when Emma rolled her eyes.

"Hmmm. I could see her having twins."

"Don't even joke about that!" Emma nearly shouted.

"Totally twins." Mary Margaret nodded along, "Identical or no?"

"One boy and one girl!" Anna shouted over a rustling of fabric, "I can see it."

"Ooooh June wedding or no?"

"Ew too hot" Ruby shook her head, "May."

"Why are we talking about this?" Emma asked, "This is-"

"Definitely an outdoor ceremony. And yes, they'd have dog." Ruby said with a soft smile.

"I hate all of you."

"You love us." Ruby smirked.

* * *

She didn't want to do this, the whole thing felt so wrong. Henry was her son, this woman couldn't just swoop in and take him, could she?

"Worry not, darling." Her mother said with a cheery smile as she entered Regina's office, she set something down on her desk and sighed, "I'll take care of this." She withdrew a thick packet from her bag and set it down.

"I don't want to do this." Regina said as she paced, her mother had gone through her game plan and it was...a good strategy but, making Emma look like an unfit mother and painting her as some irresponsible whore were two very different things. It didn't sit well.

"Do you want to keep your son or not?" Cora asked, placing a hand on her hip, "Let me help you do that."

"I don't want to do it like this."

"Regina." She waved a hand dismissively, "Please. Soon everyone will know just who Emma really is. They'll see her as the manipulative little-"

"Mom."

"Honey." She tried to sound soothing, "It sounds nasty but it's true. I mean look where she ended up." She shrugged, "wiggled herself right into the Jones family, didn't she?"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You expect me to believe it was because they fell for each other, please. Women like that only want one thing." She rolled her eyes, "Rather convenient timing, was it days after Liam died that she started seeing him? Hundreds of thousands of dollars split evenly between mother and brother, do you really think, _that_ had nothing to do with it?" Cora shrugged, "Clever girl."

"I don't think th-"

"Why are you defending her?"

"I hate her as much as you do, trust me, but she doesn't seem like the gold dig-"

"You know as well as I do, she got herself a good way of making sure she didn't have to worry about not affording to pay rent. Think about it, little orphan, living in a dump of an apartment she couldn't afford, scraping to get by. She manipulated her way into that house and he's stupid enough to think it's love. Once the court hears this, and the other things I have planned, they'll be stupid to let her anywhere near Henry." She smiled, "Do you think she's going to go easy on you? Why I should I go easy on her?"

"Do we really have to drag Killian through it?" He was one of the few people she could stand and this could affect his job. She didn't want to see that, besides, Henry liked him.

"He got in it the second he got involved with that...girl." Cora shrugged, "He'll survive."

"Right."

"Besides, he'll hate you after this anyways." She smiled like that was a good thing. Regina ran a hand through her hair.

At the diner, Henry wouldn't talk to her, had become even more distant now that he knew this was happening. Also because he was being watched all the time and his window was nailed shut.

"Henry, come on. Put the book down and eat." She said softly. He didn't. "You wanted to come here."

"I'm not hungry now."

"Henry." She bit her lip, "Okay…" She sighed, "What is that book about?" She asked, eyeing the tattered binding.

"Fairy tales." He said simply.

"Like?"

"A mixture of a lot of them." He said, uninterested. His eyes kept flicking up to the door, he was waiting for someone.

"Sounds lovely, one of my favorites as a little girl was Snow White." She smiled and he looked at her.

"Funny you'd say that."

"Why?"

"You kind of look like the evil queen." He said softly, "Fitting."

"Ow." She gaped, "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"Henry…" She said softly, "You know I don't want to do this...this whole custody thing. Emma, she's-"

"See, you wouldn't have to be doing this if you'd just let me see her." Henry put his book down, "This just proves that she does want me. A little bit at least."  
"She's just doing this to get back at me."

"Can we go home?" Henry asked as he got up, "So, I can read in the prison that is my bedroom?"

"Henry."

"You won't let me leave. What else is it?" He walked out the diner before she could say anything. She didn't want to do this. She _really_ didn't want to do this.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Hey guys. I've been neglecting my stories lately. I know, I know, I'm awful. I'm working on getting this one wrapped up, as much as that pains me. (I'm really going to miss this one when it's over). But that won't be for a while, so don't worry but know the end is coming.

I've been doing research and I think I can get this thing going now. Just bear with me.

* * *

"Regina isn't that bad." Zelena shrugged, "She tries. Really you should be glad he ended up where he did." she brought the coffee to her lips, not looking in Emma's direction as she shifted on her chair by the kitchen island. She knew it, Regina tried, that's more than Emma ever got. She was glad Henry had a good life, as good as it could be considering the circumstances, for that she was thankful. Maybe that's why she was second guessing her decision to go after him.

"I...think maybe this wasn't a good decision."

"Emma."

"I shouldn't force her to let me in his life. She'll come around." Emma said softly, slowly. Zelena slammed her cup down and turned.

"She won't." She said it coldly, maybe it was an accidental edge. Maybe she actually upset her lawyer friend. "Emma, you don't know her. She won't come around, she'll keep that child far from you and won't give a damn if it hurts him. I flew all this way, I'm not going back without trying. Don't give up on me, Emma."

"I'm not. I just feel like is going to hurt more than it'll help."

"And it might, but it could do the opposite, we don't know what's going to happen." she sighed. Emma didn't say anything, just ran a hand through her hair, which was still a tangled mess, she wasn't fond of the idea of brushing it right now. It didn't look that bad, she really didn't care.

"Got anything to wear to court?"

"What?"

"You can't wear jeans and a shirt to a custody hearing." She said with a shrug, "Try to look...motherly."

"Motherly?"  
"Yeah."

"Uh...I don't know if I have anything…"

"We'll figure it out."

"Who is Robin?"

"Pardon?" Zelena straightened at the random question, but she wanted to know, it seemed like they nearly hated each other. Zelena snapped at him most of the time and they seemed to never get along. She didn't understand why he was here.

"Are you guys like…"

"No, we were once but he neglected to tell me he was married. Killian and Robin used to be close, I brought him along to distract your boyfriend." She shrugged, "I can't have him distracting you. Which brings the topic I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"What?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to have him there."

"Killian?"

"Yes, at court, they'll ask you things that'll make both of you uncomfortable. Let's spare someone the uncomfort. Plus, you get all...fuzzy when he's around."

"Fuzzy?"

"It's disgusting." She smiled, "Just suggest it." She was planning on asking him not be there, but she never got to it. She sighed.

"How did you meet Neal?"

"What?"

"Simple question, I need to know anyways. Might as well answer." Zelena got up, put her cup in the sink and sat back down, tired eyes on even more tired eyes. "With that being said, go."

"I stole a car and he was in the back. Turns out I stole an already stolen car."

"Wow. Nice job."

"Yeah…"

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"Alright. Not as...entertaining as I was hoping, but I'll take it." She sighed, "Does Killian know anything about-"

"Just that he's Henry's dad and he threw me in jail."

"Hm."

"What?"

"Nothing, just thought you told him more." She smiled softly. She got up patting Emma's shoulder as she went. Now she was alone, a house all too quiet. Everyone was gone.

* * *

It didn't seem as bad as she thought, he was fine some days and some days he wasn't. He knew about the custody battle, and he didn't waste time reminding her that Emma did want him. She did want him. Why? Why now? Why did she suddenly want to be a mother to Regina's son, nearly ten years after signing her rights away and living her life like Henry never happened. It didn't make sense. She adopted him, he was hers. She can't have him. But she could have him.

She could win.

Regina could lose her son.

There was nothing she could do to stop it. She took a deep breath, staring at the scotch in the cabinet in her office. She watched her clock, waiting for Henry.

"Regina." The door opened and she scowled when she saw it wasn't Henry. It was her mother. The one who was making her do this, _take her down, Regina. Make everyone see who Emma Swan is_. She didn't want too, she wanted this to go away, this wasn't fair. But the only way it could go away is if she allowed Emma around her son, and that couldn't happen.

"What do you want?"

"We have to go over our notes, dear." she smiled, she took too much satisfaction out of this. This was too thrilling for her, almost like she didn't have a heart.

"Can we go one day without talking about this?"

"If you want to lose."

"Mother."

"Listen, we have to be prepared." She smiled as she crossed the room to her. "You want to keep your son don't you?"

"Of course."

"Then let's go over our strategy."  
"Your strategy." Regina scoffed.

"What's the problem?"

"My problem?" She asked, "My son won't talk to me, he's obsessed with the woman who gave him away, threw him away, and now said woman wants to take him, and you're painting her like some...slut."

"Why is it so awful for you to do this? Are you fond of her?"

"No."

"Then do it."

"I don't want any of this." Regina ran her hands through her hair, "We don't know what happened, how she got Henry, it could have been-"

"She wasn't forced."

"How do you know that?"

"I have everything in here." She smirked, "Miss Swan, is no saint and once you see this, all the doubt you have will be gone. She may not be some...whore, but painting her as a teenager who made a mistake will do little to help our case. So go with it."

* * *

It was late and everyone was sleeping, Elsa walked around the house, picking up toys and glasses before she headed to bed. She didn't notice Emma coming down the stairs, trying to be quiet.

"Emma, what are you doing up?"

"I could say the same for you."

"Just cleaning up." she shrugged, Emma sat on the couch, she looked tired as she twisted one of her blonde curls around her finger. "You should probably go back to bed."

"I can't sleep."

"Why?" Elsa asked softly as she made her way to the fireplace, nose wrinkling because it looked like it hadn't been cleaned out in a while.

"I don't know."  
"Hey did they ever figure out what caused the plane crash?" She asked it softly, cautiously because she knew it still bothered her. Still held onto her when she tried to sleep and would wake suddenly at night. The nightmares weren't as frequent as they were before, but they were still there.

"Engine failure." She said softly, looking at her hands, "Zelena said I should sue the company, but I don't…"

"You don't want to relive it. I understand that." Elsa nodded and then dropped to the floor to look in the fireplace.

"What are you doing?"

"There's something stuck in here." She said softly, reaching for it, jammed between two logs nearly ash, a box or something, she pulled out a few pages from a book, that time Killian got drunk and burned them. She couldn't read the words on it, too burned. She reached for the thing she was trying to get and pulled, coughing when the log came crashing down and ash flew up. It was a box, covered in gray, covering the back velvet. A small box.

"What's that?"

"I don't know." She wiped it off and then snapped it open, the inside seemingly not damaged at all. She gasped. "Oh wow."

"What?" She was curled on the couch, trying to keep her eyes open. She snapped it shut.

"Nothing."

"Oh." She said softly, "Welp, I should go back to bed before he notices I'm gone." she sat up, bare feet hitting the cold floor as she stood. "Night."

"Night." Elsa smiled. She didn't notice the obvious ring box and maybe that was a good thing, she watched as she went up the stairs and listened for the soft click of the bedroom door. She sat on the couch and opened the box again, the diamonds sparkling in the lights, she took the ring out. A silver band, the diamond circular, one smaller on either side of it, she turned it in her hand, chuckling at the swan engraved on the inside of the band. She put it back when she heard footsteps on the stairs just Anna.

"Hey." She smiled as she flopped on the couch, "I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up."

"When are you and Kris heading home?" She asked, they'd been here for a week now.

"After this whole custody thing is over." She sighed, "I missed it here."

"I missed you here." She smiled.

"What's that?"

"Uh-" she grabbed it before Elsa could say anything else and opened it.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Oh my god!" she squeaked.

"Sssshh."

"Sorry."

"I found it in the fireplace."

"Why was it in the fireplace?" She asked, oh that's right. She didn't know about the book burning. Elsa sighed and told her about that day, the day Killian had a meltdown and was actually going insane and the way she told Emma to stay the hell away from them.

"You told her to stay away?"

"You would have too if you'd seen it." She shrugged, "Doesn't matter now, she didn't listen."

"Elsa…do you still want her to stay away?"

"No, of course not."

"You're not telling me something."

"This was in the fireplace." She held up the box, "Anna. Still, even after everything, after she's back and she's here and they're okay. It was still in there."

"Maybe he forgot."

"You don't just forget that."

"You should give it back to him."

"What if it was still in there because he doesn't want to ask now." She said, "What if he's afraid she'll leave again?"

"Why would she?"

"I don't know. It's Emma." She sighed and got up. She headed to his office and set the ring on his desk. He'd find it tomorrow and then he can do what he wants with it, it didn't belong in the fireplace.

* * *

She tried to sleep, she really did and she was tired, sleep tugging at her eyelids but every time she tried, it didn't happen. So she just laid there, wrapped in the soft fabric of his blankets. Her blankets, their blankets. Whatever. Emma sighed and stared up at the ceiling, he could sleep. He was sleeping, she should wake him up. Give her someone to talk too, she probably shouldn't do that, but she found herself reaching over anyways.

"Emma. What is it?" He asked, wrapping an arm around her waist and sighing.

"I can't sleep."

"I can see that."

"How did you meet Zelena?"

"Why?"

"Because."

"She met Liam first, after she and Elsa nearly ran him over."

"How'd that happen?"

"The woman can't drive. Or she couldn't then. She's kind of insane."

"Is that why you guys don't get along?" She asked softly, turning on her side so she could look at him. He shook his head.

"We're too different, love. It's complicated."

"Elsa found a box in the fireplace, I think she's going to talk to you about it tomorrow."

"More like interrogate me." He breathed and then rubbed his eyes, "I must have forgotten it was in there."

"What was it?" She didn't get a good look at it, too sleepy to care, and the couch was so comfortable.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah?"

"It was the ring."

" _The_ ring?" She asked, her stomach twisting a little bit. That's what Elsa found? She bit her lip, "Why was it…"

"I was drunk and I thought you didn't want me anymore. I threw it in the fire along with my books. Silly me. I should have known it wouldn't burn." He reached for her, fingers curling in her hair. She didn't say anything, just looked at him, the sudden urge to ask why he hasn't asked her yet. Was it because she didn't want a wedding? Or kids? Or maybe he just didn't want to scare her away again. He wouldn't. She's ready, maybe. She might be, she wouldn't know until he asked her. The thought wasn't giving her bad knots in her stomach or the familiar nauseas feeling. She wasn't scared, or she didn't think she was.

"If you ever do ask me, please don't-"

"Make it some huge thing?"

"Definitely don't want an audience."

"I know." He smiled, "You're strange."

"I am."

"It'll happen someday, after things calm down and this custody thing is over. If you're wondering why I haven't asked you yet. I want to, but I need to know you won't turn and run when things get hard."

"I won't."

"Are you confident in that?"

"Yes."  
"Okay, I trust you." He whispered, "You're stuck with me then."

"I guess so."

"I could always just do what Liam did, you know, throw the ring at you and call it a day."

"I find that hilarious."

"I know." He smiled, "It just came out of nowhere. Nearly took her head off." He sighed, as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "It's late, let's try and go to sleep."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She said softly. He sighed again, he wasn't annoyed, just tired.

"That's not good, is it?" He asked, "What do you want me to do about it, love?"

"I don't know." She shrugged and then she got an idea. She crawled ontop of him, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You could try wearing me out." He kissed her this time, softly.

"Minx." He whispered and she shrieked when he lifted her and switched so he was ontop of her.

* * *

The court date came quickly and she actually didn't have anything to wear. Zelena said motherly, how the hell was she supposed to find something like that in her closet?

"I brought a few things." Mary Margaret smiled, "Elsa gave me some other outfits in case mine don't fit you."

"Okay. Just set them on the bed." Emma said softly as she brushed through the tangles of her wet curls. A towel wrapped tightly around her as she tried to get ready. She really should have gotten up earlier but she stayed in bed a little longer than usual. They didn't talk about the ring in the fireplace at all after that night, a week ago, seemed like forever. Elsa didn't bring it up either, so who knew what he told her.

"Hey this is cute." Ruby held up a blue dress.

"For a night out, not court." Emma said from the other side of the room, "why are all of you here?"

"Because you need help." Ruby put the dress down and came over, taking the brush and combing through Emma's hair. "Killians not going?"

"I told him not too."

"Hm."

"Zelena said it was a good idea."

"Yeah…" She nodded, "Probably." She shrugged, "Nervous?"

"It's court, I'm not getting married."  
"Aaaww remember that day we were in here helping you get ready for your city hall wedding?"

"Yes."

"That was fun."

"For you." Emma sighed, "Not so much for me."

"At least you can talk this time." Ruby sighed, "Anyways, maybe one day we can help you get ready for your real wedding" Emma rolled her eyes when Ruby winked in the mirror. It would happen one day, he already said it. When? She had no idea.

"Zelena said motherly, not granny." Emma shook her head at the Sweater Mary Margaret held up.

"Swan, are you ready yet?" Killian walked in, "I'll take the lack of clothing as a no."

"What are you doing here!?" She threw her brush at him, "Stop missing work for me."

"Well," He picked up the brush and walked over, "Stop having crises." he smiled as he walked over, "Get dressed, Zelena is growing impatient." He kissed the top of her head and left, closing the door softly.

* * *

The courthouse was larger, bigger than she thought. Zelena made her change three times before she was okay with what Emma was wearing. She wasn't nervous before, but now, knowing the questioning, the way everyone would look at her. She suddenly wished she hadn't asked him to stay home and away from here, because now she needed him here. Mary Margaret's hand was warm in hers, but it wasn't Killians.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

"No." She said as she looked around, they were still outside. Standing on the large concrete steps leading up to the front of the building. Regina wasn't here yet, or maybe she was inside. She didn't see her, so that was a plus.

"Do you still want to do this?" Mary Margaret asked low in her ear, only for her. She shook her head, but it was too late, they were already here.

"It's too late, I have to now."

"Emma, you do-"

"Are we ready?" Zelena asked as she approached, "Can't get anything done out here." She turned Emma towards and guided her to the entrance.

It was too late to stop it now. She went in and was met with Regina, a blank expression on her face that she couldn't read but when she saw Emma, her expression changed to that of hate and she walked off. Heels clacking on the hardwood floor.

"This is going to be brutal." Emma whispered and Mary Margaret nodded next to her.

"You can do this. Just don't let them get to you." She patted her shoulder.

* * *

A/N: And it's begun. This'll be fun. Anyways, I'm not sure when the next update will be but I'm hoping I can get it up soon for you guys! I think the next chapter will be pretty big, so it may take a while. Thanks for reading. :)


	33. Chapter 33

The courtroom was large, and packed as Cora dragged her through the mud. She asked her about Neal and how they met, how she ended up in prison, why she gave up Henry and why she was fighting to get some kind of visitation rights out of a closed adoption.  
"Are you positive Neal is the father?" She asked suddenly and she jerked, an involuntary movement, shocked and surprised and really offended. Zelena stood, questioned how that was relevant and she was still made to answer the question. "An answer would be lovely, Miss Swan." Cora smiled sweetly at her and she tilted her head.

"Yeah, pretty sure." She nodded, saying the words slowly.

"How sure?"

"What are you implying?" She didn't mean to snap at her, "Sorry."

"Answer."

"He was my first…" She said softly, "So, yeah, pretty sure."

"Hm." She nodded and then changed the course of her questioning, bringing up the car accident and she was too busy questioning how her few brushes with death had anything to do with Henry, but she saw the angle she was going with, she was making it look like Emma was too reckless, too careless to care for a child because she was too distracted by chasing the high of almost dying. Which sounded so very stupid. Regina twisted the charm on the fragile chain hanging around her neck between her fingers, she looked unbelievably bored, Zelena just looked pissed.

"How many foster homes have you been in?" Cora asked.

"Twenty-two." She said with a sigh.

"That's quite a high number. Why so many?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, she really didn't.

"It has nothing to do with your...criminal behaviour?"

"What?"

"You and your little partner, what was her name? Lily? You two had quite the reputation." How did she know about Lily? Even Regina looked confused, straightening in her chair, allowing her necklace to fall down her shirt as she looked at her mother.

"That was a long time ago." She said softly

"It was, enlighten me, Miss Swan. Why do you want Henry now?" She asked looking at Zelena when she shifted in her chair, "You gave him up."  
"I…" She swayed, a dizzy feeling overcoming her.

"What was that?" She asked stepping close. Zelena was up and out of her seat. They were talking but the room was spinning now and she didn't know what was happening but soon she was being grabbed and pulled from the room.

"Emma." Zelena sat her down, "Hey, are you okay?" She asked.

"No."

"We have ten minutes." She said softly.

"Is she done questioning me yet?" She asked, resting her head in her hands. This felt more like an interrogation than anything else and she hated it.

"I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"Dr. Hoppers not coming."

"What?"

"He decided last minute he didn't want to get involved."

"Can he do that?"

"There wasn't a subpoena, so yes he can." She looked at her, green eyes on greener ones. There had to be more to it than him deciding suddenly he didn't want to get involved. If he wasn't here, what was she doing here? He's the one who told her to do this, why all of a sudden did he not want to get involved?

"That's...bul-"

"I know." Zelena said softly, "I think they did something."

"What do you mean?"

"You met my mother."

"You think they...convinced him not to do it or something?"

"I can't prove it, but yeah." Zelena nodded, looking over when someone came over with a cup of water.

"Here." Regina said sticking it in her hand, eyes glancing at her estranged sister. "You're looking a little pale."

"Thanks…"

"We don't have to do this today."

"You'd like it if I just left wouldn't you?" She asked and Regina shifted, thrusting her hands in the pockets of her coat.

"You shouldn't be talking to her." Zelena stood.

"Forgive me." She said and then turned and left. She saw something, a flash of something, maybe she was telling Emma, she didn't want to do this either. Emma stood.

"Where are you going?" Zelena asked as she brushed passed her and towards the door.

"Home." She said as she threw the now empty cup away and headed out the door.

* * *

She was curled up on the couch when she burst through the door a few hours later. Still dressed in her lawyer clothes.

"You just costed us this case."

"Whoops." She said softly, too be honest, it was silly of her to even try it. Elsa said something soft as she shifted Lydia in her lap, something soothing. Something along the lines of "leave her alone." Zelena sat on the couch next to her with a huff.

"It was pretty brutal, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"A lot of stuff from your past."

"Yeah."

"You never mentioned a girl named Lily."

"Didn't think she was important." She said softly, she didn't think about Lily, how she left her that day. Never looked back, never saw her again, for all she knew she could be dead. She didn't understand how Cora found out.

"Tomorrow is going to be worse. Since you left."

"I'm not going tomorrow."

"Emma."

"No, it doesn't matter. Not like we would have won anyways."

"Don't say that"

"I don't want to do it anymore. If she wants to fight, fine, I can see Henry without having to rip him away from the woman who raised him."

"You know damn well she won't let you."

"Then she'll be doing more harm than good." Emma said as she got up, grabbing her shoes off the floor. "I'm done talking about this." This whole thing was pointless. She knew from the beginning it wouldn't work, they'd never give her custody. Not with her "criminal" past and the fact she had absolutely no idea how to be a mother.

She sat in Killian's office, she didn't know how long it was, the sky darkening as she stared at the wall, the notes neatly stacked on the corner of his desk she found herself absently looking through. She was surprised Elsa didn't break down the door, try and get her to reconsider, but she never bothered her.

"Swan." Killian stood in the doorway, setting his bag down, she turned. He closed the door. Great.

"Please don't-"  
"I know how it went." He said as he walked over, "we need to talk." That's not good.

"About?"

"You know what about."

"Can we not?"

"Up." He instructed and she sighed, standing so he could wrap an arm around her waist. "Look at me." She did.

"Are you to tell me what a stupid decision it is not to go?"  
"No."

" _Wow surprising._ "

"I will tell you this." He said softly, "You and Regina-"

"Don't."

"Need to talk." He finished anyways, "come to an agreement."

"That's going to happen." She said sarcastically as she turned and untangled herself from him. He sighed, he looked so exhausted and she was being difficult. She shouldn't be, he's just trying to help. "She's not a very-"  
"Do you want my honest opinion?"

"Uh-"

"You're acting like children." He said, "Both of you. Stop avoiding each other, stop fighting, both of you are entitled to be in that boys life."

"I gave him away."

"I know." He ran a hand over his eyes. "But he knows who you are, he wants you in his life. Regina can't keep you from him forever."

"What do you want me to do? Go over to her house? Have some tea and talk it out?"

"Yeah."

"I-"

"Now."

"Whoa, no?"

"Yes."

"Okay, _dad_." She glared at him.

"Emma." He said softly, "Do something. You can't just give up."

"I'm not."

"You gave up the second you left that courthouse. Don't try to tell me otherwise, she's willing to listen if you go."

"You already talked to her?"

"Maybe." He sighed, "I'll take you, she's in her office. She's not a bad person, love, a little cold but she warms up once you get to know her."

"Are you guys like bffs?"

"Swan. You're not getting out of this."

* * *

He wasn't kidding. Twenty minutes later she was knocking on the Mayor's office door. She sighed as she waited, debating on whether she should just go home and say she tried. Technically she did try, considering she knocked and there wasn't an answer.

She kicked herself when she heard the soft click of heels against hardwood floor approaching the door.

"Miss Swan." Regina said as she opened it. She gave her a once over, eyes gliding over Emma, from her head to her toes.

"We need to talk."

"That we do." She stepped aside to let her in and Emma stood awkwardly in the center of the room, the hardwood floor contrasting against the blacks and whites of the room. She bit her lip as Regina closed the door. "Sit down." She said as she walked over to her large desk, thrusting papers into a folder and smoothing her skirt with her hands. Emma sat down on the couch as she came over.

"I do hope you're feeling better after your small meltdown earlier." She said as she sat next to her, "You didn't come back."

"I know."

"Well, is there a reason for that?" Regina asked coldly.

"Why did Dr. Hopper suddenly decide not to show?"

"I'm not sure."

"Right."  
"Are you accusing me of something, Miss Swan?" She asked, tilting her head, "Of course you are."

"It's a little suspicious is all."

"Well, don't worry. It wasn't me, I wouldn't do that."

"Suuure."

"I have decided not to continue with this little trial."

"What?"

"I understand with your disappearing act, you don't want to continue either. Quite frankly, we did this wrong." She smoothed her skirt again as she stood.

"H-"

"It's doing more harm than good. Henry…" she sighed, "He's become more distant than usual."

"I suppose you'll blame me for that."

"No." She shook her head. A heavy sigh coming from her lips as she walked over to her desk.

"No?"  
"Let's not point fingers." She said softly as she grabbed her bags, "You are...his mother too...to an extent. I have some...rules."

"Rules?"

"He is my son." She said, her voice like ice as she turned, "My son."

"Okay?"  
"I will allow you to see him."

"What?"  
"He will not stay with you. Not overnight, not on wednesdays. You can walk him to the bus stop before school and have him home by five. Not a second later." She folded her arms over her chest, "I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for him."

"You want to write anything down ooorr?"  
"I don't trust you, I don't like you. You tried to take him from me. This is as much as you get until I can trust that you won't run out of town with him. Given your track record, that seems fair."

"If you don't trust me th-"  
"I trust Killian." She said softly, "He trusts you."  
"He better." She muttered.

"I understand the circumstances and the reasons you gave up Henry, I understand that you regret it and you have for years. That doesn't change the fact that you did." She took a step forward, "if you hurt him, if you leave like you do when things get scary and he has to question again why you didn't want him, I won't show you an ounce of mercy.."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise." She snarled, "Now get out." Emma got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door a little harder than she should have.

* * *

A/N: Okay so this didn't go as planned but we're gonna go with it. Thanks for reading guys. :)


	34. Chapter 34

She doesn't answer her phone when it starts to ring on top of her dresser, doesn't hear it vibrate with incoming texts, she just continues to fold her clothes and placing outfits into her suitcase, oblivious to whatever was happening that had her phone exploding. They were supposed to leave last night, after the wedding but they got...distracted. Newlywed bliss and whatnot.

A few minutes later, she hears the door open and Killian's boots hitting the stairs, he's pretty much running.

"Emma?" He calls for her and she tells him she's in the bedroom, packing like he's supposed to be doing. He comes in, she smiles at him.

"Where have you been? You left so fast I-"  
"Emma." He says softly and he has this expression...the look she calls it. "Come here."

"Wha-" He gently takes the shirt she's folding and sets it on the bed, his fingers curling around her own. It's a long silence of his just looking at her like something terrible has happened and he can't say it because it might break her.

"Is Henry okay?" Is the first thing she asks because that kid was as much her as he was Neal and he got into trouble a few more times than she's comfortable to admit. Much to Regina's dismay.

"Henry is fine, love."

"Then what is it?" She asks softly, "Why are you looking at me like someone died?" And then he says it, takes a deep breath, toys with a stray strand of her blonde curls, tucking it behind her ear.

"Graham." He says softly, "They found him this morning...Emma, they think he had a heart attack." It's quiet, she looks at him for a solid thirty seconds in disbelief and backs away when he reaches for her again and heads for her phone.

"Emma-"  
"I have to call Graham." She says softly, this is a joke, a sick joke. There's no way he's dead, she just saw him not even twenty four hours ago, he was at her wedding. He danced with her, drank with her, they had fun, not even twenty-four hours ago.

"Swan...he-"  
"This isn't funny, Killian." She snaps, grabbing hold of her phone and calling Graham, his phone rings, and rings but he never answers, his voicemail picks up and the second she hears his voice telling her to leave a message, she breaks. She turns into a sobbing mess, drops her phone, he always answers. Always…

Killian's arms go around her without a second thought, fingers stroking her hair, other hand rubbing up and down her back. She hears footsteps but doesn't look up, the perfume is all Elsa.

"Emma, I'm so sorry," Elsa says softly and then she gets in the hug too, arms circling around her and they just let her cry, cry until her eyes sting and burn, her chest heaves and her stomach clenches.

This is supposed to be a happy time, a happy...movie like, disgustingly elated, she's not supposed to be sobbing into her brand new husband's shirt, with his sister-in-law.

But in true Emma Swan fashion, the universe goes and smacks down any happy feelings like it's against the law for her to feel it.

* * *

The funeral is long and depressing, of course, it is, it's a funeral. Henry is the first to hug her, running up as soon as she comes into the funeral home and wrapping his arms around her. He's grown in the last few months when his head used to hit her stomach when he'd hug her like this, now it hits her chest. She holds him, fingers in his hair, arm wrapped around his back.

"I'm sorry, mom, I know he was your friend," Henry says softly, pulling away and then he hugs Killian, not the first time, but it took him by surprise anyway and Emma's heart would give a tug if it wasn't in pieces right now.

Graham was her friend. They were good friends but then she had to go and get caught up with Killian and pretty much left him behind, half-hearted comments to go out with him and catch up at some point in their busy lives. She apologized at the wedding for it and he assured her that it was okay, that he was just happy she found someone who, she felt, was the reason the earth was still turning. She assured him in turn that comes next week they would go have drinks and catch up.

She didn't know that next week she'd be at his goddamn funeral. Funny how things happen, isn't it?

Killian's hand never leaves her her skin, whether it be on the small of her back while walking up to the casket with her, fingers on her elbow to steer her to a seat when it's time to sit down, and then on her thigh, thumb rubbing circles in her skin as people speak up front. Emma is only half listening, she knows what a good man Graham was, she didn't have to hear it in past tense. She kept her eyes fixated on the casket, a deep brown. Only peels her eyes away when she hears the low whine of Graham's dog, lying next to it, his new handler giving him a soft pat on his head.

Graham loved that dog.

Mary Margaret is next to them, trying her best to shush her crying baby, Josh next to her trying to help. She gives Emma an apologetic look, "I didn't have anyone to watch him, I'm so sorry." She says softly, of course, she didn't have anyone to watch him. The whole town was here, packed in this tiny funeral home.

"We should have gotten flowers," Emma says after a while, not paying much attention to Regina's tearful eulogy. She was the last speaker. This was almost over, then it's to the cemetery, and then the wake at Grannys to eat and reminisce.

"You said Graham didn't like flowers," Killian whispers back.

"I know...but…"  
"We can if you want afterward, okay?"

"Okay." She whispers. She realizes it doesn't matter if Graham liked them or not, he isn't here anymore, but maybe ghost Graham would appreciate the effort.

After Regina's eulogy, the pastor gets up front and instructs everyone to follow the hearse to the cemetery if they are attending the burial.

"We don't have to if you just want to go home-"

"No. I want to go, I'm okay." She says softly and Killian presses a kiss to her hair, fingers laced with hers and he pulls her up but she heads for the casket, pushes through the small crowd of crying familiar faces.

"I'm sorry, we never got to have that drink." She whispers, leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. She goes back to Killian, who waits at the entrance, holding her jacket and helping her in it.

The cemetery is cold and it smells...musty? Her hand never leaves Killian, her eyes scan the faces, all of which were at her wedding a week ago looking so happy and having so much fun and now they're all...solemn and crying, dressed in black. She realizes at Grannys, as she sits in a booth, Killian trying (and failing) to get her to eat something, that their wedding anniversary would also always and forever be the last time she saw her friend alive. She doesn't voice this to Killian but he knows it.

That day will always have a tinge of sadness to it and they can't change that. She should have called him, she should have gone to see him, should have moved that drink up. But instead, she was...while Graham was probably unknowingly living his last day ever at the station, she was fooling around with her new husband and thinking about their trip and packing more things because she wasn't sure how long they would be gone.

"Emma, you haven't eaten since last night," Killian says softly, pushing a plate of onion rings towards her but she doesn't eat them, she picks at them. "Swan."

"I'm not hungry." It's the truth, she could have said it a little more nicely, less like she wanted to strangle him, but it was the truth. He sighs.

"Okay." Is all he says, but there's more. She's been snapping at him all week and he doesn't deserve it, there's more but he won't say it because she's grieving the friend she left behind. Mary Margaret and David slide in across from them, Josh on David's lap, Oliver in Mary Margaret's arms.

"Josh, make sure you eat all of it, okay? Mommy doesn't want to cook later." Mary Margaret says softly as David cuts up a grilled cheese.

"How's preschool?" Killian asks.

"He's doing good, actually. Making lots of friends." David smiles and presses a kiss to the top of his sons head. Killian, David, and Mary Margaret start to chat, laughing quietly and none of it has to do with Graham.

It's not supposed to piss her off but it does. She snaps when she feels Killian's hand on her knee. It's supportive, loving, not supposed to make her jump.

"Okay, can you just...stop touching me?" She snaps at him and he blinks, pulls his hand back. Mary Margaret gives her a look, David raises an eyebrow. Josh has no idea what's going on. Then she's pushing on Killian to move and let her out of the booth. He does. She only see's the annoyance on his face for a flash before he changes it to nothing. He tries to follow her out, but she just asks if he could leave her alone and she heads outside.

* * *

She doesn't know how long it's been since she went outside but the air is getting cooler and she tugs at her jacket sleeves to cover her hands because she was stupid enough to think she didn't need them.

It's January, of course, she needed them.

She expected someone to come out here and get her, she expected it to be Killian, but it's Regina's heels that click against the pavement and then she sits on the bench with Emma, a sigh passing through her red lips.

"I'm sorry about Graham. I know he was your friend." She says, echoing Henry from earlier.

"He was…" She says softly, "But I...god, I just...I left him like he didn't matter, I hardly ever talked to him after Killian and I-"

"Don't do that." Regina turns to her, "Don't feel guilty for falling in love, Emma."

"What am I supposed to feel?"

"Feel like you just lost a good friend, sad that he isn't here anymore, but don't feel guilty you never called him up or hung out with him. He had other friends besides you, Emma. He wasn't completely lost." She sighs, "And he was happy for you, ecstatic, he voiced it many times. There were no hard feelings on his part." She would know, she talked to Graham on a daily basis, they were...they were something. Emma nods.

"He was happy for me."

"Oh yeah, never shut up about it." She smiles, "He was like a proud parent." Emma laughs softly. "Never feel guilty, Emma, he was rooting for you from the sidelines." Regina gives her a gentle pat on the shoulder and stand up, "come back inside, Miss Swan." She says as she goes back in. She doesn't, not right away. She stays for a little longer.

"Swan." His voice is soft as he walks over, sits next to her. "Come back inside, you'll freeze out here."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's okay, I understand." He says softly, but he doesn't reach for her like she knows he wants too, so she leans her head on his shoulder. "I know this is hard...Graham was a good friend." His fingers find her hair, and she leans into his touch. "Come back inside, have something to eat."

* * *

That was a year ago. Her and Killian are having dinner at Elsa's new place tonight. She's adjusting her earrings in the mirror when he comes up behind her, pressing a kiss to her neck, fingers lifting the skirt of her dress ever so slightly.

"Stop it. This took forever to get on." She swats his hand away.

"Wonder how long it'll take to get off."

"Well keep wondering, buddy, we have to go." She says, turning around and wrapping her arms around his neck and he sighs. She moves away but he pulls her back. "Killian-"  
"Let's have a baby." He says softly and she freezes.

"Uuuhh-"

"I've been wanting to talk to you about it-"

"Can we talk about this later?" She says quickly, looking at the clock, they'll be late if they don't go now, he let's this bomb go and walks with her out the door.

The dinner is long and she tries to engage and chat with Elsa but every time his hand grazes her thigh, or the way he looks at her when Elsa thrusts Lydia in her arms so she can go grab something. The toddler, smiling ear to ear and playing with Emma's hair, has her stomach twisting. He wants a baby.

A baby. A small human. She knew that he did, no one takes up a jobs as a teacher if they hated kids and never wanted them but it's the first time he actually tells her, that the words come out of his mouth. She's freaking out.

Elsa shows them around, thanks Killian a million times for taking her in when she needed it and keeping her and her kids around longer than was necessary. They have a long conversation and then they leave at around midnight, Killian having work in the morning.

They go to sleep without talking about it.

* * *

She woke up well after he went to work, still thinking about it. He wants a baby. Or so he said, they didn't talk about it, he didn't bring it up again, maybe it's not what he meant to say? Emma is not sure who to talk to about this, Mary Margaret would encourage the hell out of it, Ruby would want to talk about the process of making the baby, and Elsa, Elsa would probably encourage it too. There's no reason not to do it, it's not like it's a bad time, they're in a good place right now, they have plenty of space.

But she's not ready.

She's not home when he comes from work. She doesn't come home for hours. She sits in front of Graham's grave, watching as the sun goes down. It's been so long since anyone's visited him and she feels terrible about that. His grave is bare of any flowers, so she got him some. Making up for not getting any to place in his casket at his funeral. The quiet of the cemetery is cut by her phone vibrating every ten minutes with texts from Killian.

K: "Where are you?"

*Vibrate*

K: "Swan. You promised you'd be home."

*Vibrate*

K: "I'll file a missing person's report. Don't think I won't, love."

*Missed call*

K: "I'm getting worried."

*vibrate*

K: "Emmaaaaa"

*Vibrate*

K: "Honey?"

*Vibrate*

K: "Love of my goddamn life?"

*Two missed calls*

K: "Baaaabbbbyyyy." She rolls her eyes.

E: "Don't call me that, you know I hate it. I'm fine, I'll be home soon. 3" She sets her phone down and sighs.

"Killian's freaking out." She says softly, "I know I don't come here as often as I should, Graham. I think I'll try to be here a little more, at least to make sure your resting place isn't bare." She's quiet for a second, "Um. He wants a baby. He told me last night...I should be jumping for joy, right? A man like that wants to...reproduce with a girl like me?" She shakes her head, "I don't know how to tell him I'm not ready. I don't want to hurt him or to ruin what we have right now, I wish you could tell me what to do...help me find the words to say to him, I wish you were still here." She quiet like he might answer her but of course, she's only met by silence.

Well…

"Just be honest with him." Regina says from behind her and she actually screams. "He's not going to leave you any time soon, and he can't make you have a child you aren't ready for."

"Regina when did you get there?"

"A minute ago."

"Oh my god, why didn't you say something?"  
"I thought it'd be funny."

"Well it wasn't, you gave me a heart attack." She said and then looked at Graham's grave, "No offense."

"He probably takes no offense." Regina lays down the flowers she brought along with her and sighs, "What's your hesitation?" She asks

"With wha-"  
"Having a baby."

"U-"

"Does it have to do with Henry?" She asks and Emma doesn't answer. She doesn't know why she feels this way. Why the thought of it has her heart racing and the feeling of fear rising in her stomach. It might have to do with Henry, It might also have nothing to do with Henry and she's just being dumb. "You know, you should be glad. Not all of us can have children."

"Regina-"

"I didn't mean that to be cold, if you're not ready; you're not ready. But when you tell him, he will bring up Henry and that's something you have to talk about."

"Did you know that by now we'd have an almost two year old?" She asks, "If...it hadn't died."

"When's the last time the two of you talked about that?" Not since it happened, he wasn't even here. She had to tell him over the phone and by the time he got back, The two of them just never brought it up. Regina takes her silence as the answer, "Do you think that maybe you should?" She asks and for once she doesn't sound cold or condescending, she sounds caring and her voice is softer, she sounds like a human. "Do you think that maybe it bothered you more than you thought that the two of you never sat down and had that conversation?" Emma glances at her hands, she never thought about that. She never thought that it bothered her, it didn't, not when it happened. But now...now he actually wants a baby and she…

"Thank you." Emma says softly, "I know you don't like me, but thank you."

"I'm not fond of you, but I'm not heartless. Go home, Emma. Talk to your husband."

* * *

They're in bed, she's toying with the thread on the sleeve of her shirt, pulling at it. Trying to listen to him as he tells her about his day, but her mind is elsewhere. He lifts his shirt off and gets in bed with her, pressing his lips to hers, and maybe she's the one who deepens it, but next thing she knows, he's kissing her like his life depends on it and ever so slightly lifting her shirt. She pulls away, pushing him a little.

"No." She says softly and he leans back against the pillows, giving her a look.

"Are you okay?" He asks, serious now. She nods. "Emma, don't lie to me."

"Okay, no." She sits up, still toying with the thread on her sleeve, he sits up too, says something and when she won't look at her, he grabs the thread, pulls, tosses it somewhere on the floor and then grabs her chin so she can look at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Last night...before we went to Elsa's…" She bites at her lip.

"Yeeeesss?"

"You told me you want a baby and I didn't answer you and the whole day I've been freaking out." She says it in one breath and he takes a second to process it. He blinks.

"Freaking out how?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not gonna wake up and find you and your half of the closet gone tomorrow am I?"

"No!" She yells it, regretting it as soon as she does so. "No, I…"  
"Emma. Talk to me. It wasn't my intention to freak you out."

"I know…"

"What? Do you not want-"

"No...yes, I don't know."

"You're making so much sense, love."

"Okay." She takes a deep breath, "Right now...in this moment, we would have a two year old." She sighs, "I should be watching you read him or her to sleep, I should be asking Mary Margaret about setting up playdates, and trying to convince myself I know what I'm doing when he or she cries and I can't get them to stop." It takes him a minute to get it, what happened must have been stuck in the back of his mind because he knew they wouldn't talk about it when he came home. His face softens and his fingers curl around hers.

"Emma." He whispers, "I-"

"You forgot." She says softly, she pulls her hand out of his, he may have forgotten but she never did. She thought about it more than she thought she would when it happened. It bothered her more now than it did before.

It felt more real than it did before.

"No, I didn't forget." He says, "Emma, I just thought it was best not to talk about it. You didn't want to talk about it."

"You didn't try."

"Neither did you."

"I know!" She snaps at him, she doesn't mean to, she reaches for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and he wraps his around her.  
"I should have tried."

"Me too." She buries her face in his neck. He pulls away.

"We can...let's talk about it now." She just nods and he asks her questions and she does her best to remember the exact details.

"I remember I was mad at you." She says softly, "I was really scared and all I wanted was you but you were...you couldn't come to me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"Emma, just because it happened once doesn't mean it'll happen again." He says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I know."

"We can...try again?"

* * *

A/N: I'M BACK. It's been...a really long time, I am so so so sorry. I was having severe writer's block with this story, you have no idea. I wrote and rewrote this probably a million times.

Obviously, we're doing a little bit of a time jump, considering it's actually been a year since the last update. I thought it was best to jump ahead in this as well. I hope you enjoyed and I really hope it's not another year before I update again.. :)


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